s/o in the sack style

[Deleted]

[textbookcase]

I got the same thing recently. Actually, it was being called out for only wanting to do it in one position. But it hurts me in any other position

[Deleted]

Ouch.

[eb777888]

Eeeek! Jesus. Not the right time.

Sorry.

[blueballoon]

((Tamb))

[iamgrace]

Well that's kind of shitty.

[Deleted]

That's crappy of him. I probably would have snapped "at least you're getting some".

[Deleted]

Way to motivate you into enjoying sex more. Jerk. He needs to learn how to argue. WTF does sexual positions have to do with low toilet paper? He sounds like a damn 3 year old. "Oh, yeeeahh? Well, well, well...you're a stinky head!"

[TrickyBob]

I'm sorry tamb

[wambam]

How would his coworkers find out??

[DotAndBuzz]

I'm sorry. And I'm not understanding how therapy has anything to do with his co workers (sorry if this is an obvious connection and I'm just clueless).

[partiallysunny]

 I'm sorry. I do think counseling would help you guys here. How would his coworkers even find out? What an odd thing to think.

Edit: They won't find out unless he tells them, no matter how much they pry.

[wambam]

May 15, 2013 9:58:02 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

May 15, 2013 9:56:13 GMT -5 wambam said:

How would his coworkers find out??

I guess they have no boundaries and are all up in each other's business.

eta: he'd have to take time off work.

Oh. Sounds like a lame excuse to me. i'm sorry

[DotAndBuzz]

I get the nosy co-workers thing. That sucks, but, they'll only know what he tells them. If he has to take time off, he can simply say "its personal," or even "it's just some stuff." Although "I'll let you know if you'll need to be involved" might be better to shut them up, and maybe make them feel like an ass for being so nosy.

Seriously, you've mentioned this a number of times, for a while. If nothing has changed, and it is now coming to low blows in petty fights, it might be time to go talk to someone.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

There are lots of counselors that work outside of normal business hours (evenings, weekends).

[thebamker]

Is it true?

(not passing judgment... just wondering if he's being dramatic)

[MWOS]

He's asking what he can do, you suggest counseling, but he won't go? Because of his coworkers?

[gault]

Your work doesn't have an eap program?

[Deleted]

xH and I went to therapy at 7, 730pm. He can totally do this w/o his coworkers finding out. Your H's excuses are making me feel ragey.

[dcannie]

May 15, 2013 10:09:16 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I get that he is trying to be open by asking what he can do, but I don't really know what to tell him.

next time he asks what he can do tell him he can suck it up and go to counseling with you. using his co-workers as an excuse is such bullshit. if he doesn't want them to know then it's up to HIM to not tell them. 

[Deleted]

Do you guys ever get out and spend time together without Joanna? Our boring routine definitely puts a damper on our sex life. It really, really helps when we go on a date night. A weekend trip is even better. Even date nights are kind of hard for us to do and take planning, but we need to start making it a priority because it really does help our relationship and also the quality of sex.

[Deleted]

I don't understand, I go to therapy every week (an extended lunch break) and my supervisors just know that I need an extended lunch break for a weekly medical appointment. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing there.

[thebamker]

May 15, 2013 10:16:49 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

May 15, 2013 10:13:52 GMT -5 thebamker said:

Is it true?

(not passing judgment... just wondering if he's being dramatic)

Well I thought it was about 50/50 him laying there and me laying there.

now that I'm divorced I feel I'm qualified to give out bunches of useless marriage advice. lol!

I guess I see it this way: If it's actually true, I feel it's fair for him to mention it and want things to change.  And I think it's better that he say it than just silently thinking it w/o feeling like he can.  (now - an argument about TP probably wasn't the right time... but whatever)

If it wasn't true, it shows other issues that need to be addressed.  Like the fact that he is purposefully hurting you by being a dramatic blamer.

Sorry you're dealing with this shit.  I hope things get better soon (hugs)

[sonrisa]

May 15, 2013 9:58:02 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

May 15, 2013 9:56:13 GMT -5 wambam said:

How would his coworkers find out??

I guess they have no boundaries and are all up in each other's business.

eta: he'd have to take time off work.

Some therapists have weekend and evening appointments. Would he be okay with that?

[Deleted]

Have you talked to your gyn or regular doctor about your low sex drive? You know I have the same issue, so that's my next step.

[TrickyBob]

I wouldn't go to counseling about sex by myself.

My Husband and I have this issue; because of things that have happened in life, I'm not a very sexual person. My Husband is. And though I know that my issue is actually my issue, I've always told my Husband that if I ever go to counseling for it, I'd like him to come along.

A Husband coming along to counseling, especially about sex, is beneficial. You can go to a counselor and fix your problem, but that doesn't mean he is going to understand why it happened or how you need to approach it now. If he goes to counseling with you, you work on it as a team and the counselor helps make sure your Husband understand the what and why and how.

So I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go by yourself.

[thatgirl2478]

I guess my question is what the f does he EXPECT from you? I mean, real sex isn't like porn sex...

[luckyval]

May 15, 2013 10:30:57 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Well yeah, I'm glad he said something, but not if it was just to blame me. Which is WHY I had mentioned previously that maybe we should go to therapy. So we have a place to talk about it in a productive manner. Look, I don't like therapy - we all know this. I have difficulty making it "work," which is why I am not in it on my own. I get irritated by the suggestion that I should go on my own for this issue, because I feel like it is NOT just my issue, and I am always the one made to take the blame/responsibility for our marital problems when they arise. I keep going back to our previous counseling, when I was put on Lexapro because supposedly my anxiety was the cause of our marital distress. Well now - surprise surprise - my sex drive is the issue. I don't know, maybe it IS all me. But I hate that he just gets to coast along through life and be a victim of my subpar mental health.

This is a valid point and I hope you've expressed this to him.

To me, sex is an indicator of how everything else in the relationship is going - they play off each other. I know this is not always the case, but by and large I think it's a good gauge for how things are going outside the bedroom. 

So his argument, imo, is pretty weak. If he wants to improve things, he needs to step up and work together on this. Otherwise, it sounds likes he is happy playing the victim

[jax373]

I'm normally a lurker but this was a big problem in my marriage (me having no sex drive). It lead to lots of distance between us and petty fights. I'm divorced now. My advice, get to counseling to work on it, even if his co-workers give him shit for it... I wasn't a huge fan of counseling but went alone and once with xh...it does help (well, ok, not to save my marriage but it helped me realize a lot of things about myself and what I really wanted in life). And don't think it's all you here....things change, people grow apart, you just need to have some time to yourselves to connect again. I think counseling would be a good starting point.

[gault]

Here's the thing.....of course therapy will be hard. It seems like you repress a lot of feelings and emotions and you're not used to talking about them. Duh, its goibg to suck for awhile and get uncomfortable.

But it will be worth it. Even if you go by yourself at first, you'll be in a better head space to communicate with your h about going with you.

I like you a lot tamb, but it seriously seems like you're throwing your life away by hiding inside yourself.