oh, jehc. that's just awful. i can see feeling sick about this, for certain. i hope that he has changed and, if not, that his wife has the strength to leave him, like you had.
My best friend texted me. We live in the same (very small) area, so word gets around. His wife works about a minute and a half from my house.
I think I would ask my friend to kindly keep me out of the loop on shit like this. If you happen to find out, I guess that is one thing, but there isn't a need to for her to text you and tell you, especially because it affects you this way.
I flipped out at my last job when I found out my abusive xh worked with a lot of people I was in weekly contact with for my work. I even saw him on campus a few times. It effing suuucks when your old life intercedes with the healthy new one. I'm really sorry.
Oh god. I'm so sorry. Is there a chance the wife will find out and leave?
Well I don't know? I mean...maybe he's not psycho with her. Maybe that was something that was reserved solely for me.
This is something that I've really, really struggled with a lot. Everyone that met him would always say how sweet he seemed. He was very quiet and hated going out and didn't have many friends. I am loud and boisterous, maybe I just made him fucking crazy.
uh, no. people can bring out the worst in each other for sure, but the "worst" isn't abuse and racism. it's just, like, nagging and being annoying. nothing he did is on you.
I am sorry. That is just awful, to have to keep knowing about this person. Of course you would worry about anyone unlucky enough to call him family, even though it's not your business. And that's so hard, too, never really getting to put him behind you.
Post by shopgirl07 on May 15, 2013 14:09:58 GMT -5
I feel very sad for those children. And if you live in such a small area, I would imagine the wife knows what went down in the past. People like that do not need to pass down any genes.
Please know that you did NOT cause him to act or think this way. He was nuts, and you just happened to be there to witness it. It isn't your fault and never will be.
ETA because I remember that you asked not to be quoted, sorry.
Well I don't know? I mean...maybe he's not psycho with her. Maybe that was something that was reserved solely for me.
This is something that I've really, really struggled with a lot. Everyone that met him would always say how sweet he seemed. He was very quiet and hated going out and didn't have many friends. I am loud and boisterous, maybe I just made him fucking crazy.
I'm sorry you have to deal with these feelings.
Please know that you did NOT cause him to act or think this way. He was nuts, and you just happened to be there to witness it. It isn't your fault and never will be.
Exactly! Do NOT put that on yourself. You did nothing to cause his abuse or deserve it.
it's making you think about the worst, most vulnerable time of your life. a time that was intensely emotional. of course you're a little sideways over it. the fact that you have moved on and have a wonderful, functioning family now is lovely and means that you will go forward with happiness, but it doesn't mean you have erased your past. i'm glad you have such strong support now. you'll feel better shortly.
Post by partiallysunny on May 15, 2013 14:17:19 GMT -5
I'm sorry. That's a lot to process, but I think it's completely natural that you feel this way.
Edit: I meant the conflicting feelings and worrying about his step daughter and future child, not feeling as if the abuse was solely reserved for you.
I'm sure that's a natural feeling as well, considering the situation, but in no way was the abuse your fault and in no way am I saying you should feel that way.
I am a total lurker coming in just to say I am so sorry. I have been where you are, it has been 13 years since my asshole abusive ex was my boyfriend...and he is STILL Trying to contact me "just to talk" etc. I just can't with his shit, and nobody understands why it brings me so much anxiety. It sometimes takes over my life. Something comes up that is completely unrelated to him or me but it reminds me of what I went through and it takes me weeks to stop thinking about it. So please just do what you can for yourself--therapy, meditation, vacation, etc, so that you can try to focus on you and healing, etc.
I am so sorry you have to relive these memories. How awful. I hope, for their sake, he has changed, but I doubt it. Either way, this was NOT something reserved just for you. These men know how to schmooze others, and then be an asshole. That's usually how this stuff happens.