My mom texted me this morning asking if she can take me out to dinner next weekend for my birthday. As some of you know I don't have the best relationship with her as she has said some really upsetting things to my H and I about E when I was pregnant with him. She's always been very critical of everything of I've ever done because it wasn't what she wanted me to do. I hate saying no because I know she cares about E now and wants to see him but I can't stand being around her by myself and I'm worried that she'd say something that would make me finally speak my mind to her.
So would you do dinner or just say sorry I already have a full weekend?
Post by wildfloweragain on May 18, 2013 12:13:42 GMT -5
I avoid my mom on my actual bday weekend because we apparently have the same mother. I cried every birthday until about 5 yrs ago when I figured out to avoid her. I still do go to dinner, just a week before or after and I speak up if she is being incredibly hurtful, don't engage if she is being just mildly critical.
Coincidentally, I just had my bday dinner with my dad last night and it was awesome! Bday was in Feb and I wasn't avoiding him, he was OOT.
I avoid my mom on my actual bday weekend because we apparently have the same mother. I cried every birthday until about 5 yrs ago when I figured out to avoid her. I still do go to dinner, just a week before or after and I speak up if she is being incredibly hurtful, don't engage if she is being just mildly critical.
Coincidentally, I just had my bday dinner with my dad last night and it was awesome! Bday was in Feb and I wasn't avoiding him, he was OOT.
My mom lives out of town and gets every other weekend off. With my luck her weekend off is the weekend my birthday falls and 3 days after her birthday too. I have my birthday off from work and have plans that morning but hadn't made definitive plans for the evening.
Post by goaskalice on May 18, 2013 12:18:43 GMT -5
If it was just a normal weekend I'd say maybe try it, but don't let your birthday weekend be ruined. I'd tell her you're booked already but can do it another time, only if you're truly up for it.
So you're thinking of going out to dinner with your mother who is unkind and critical, and who has said dreadful things to you about your child, to 'celebrate' your birthday, on the hopes that THIS time she won't yet again say something ugly to you. Because she's apologized to you and made amends, and promised never to do this again? Or because you are hoping against hope that she'll be decent for once? And you are doing this, not for you, as you say, but because you think it would be good for someone like this to be close to your child, because after all, she deserves some kind of relationship with him even though she's been brutal to you about him? And brutal about him?
Post by W.T.Faulkner on May 18, 2013 12:19:38 GMT -5
I understand the pull to WANT to do things like this with her, because she's your mom. That feeling might not ever go away. But think of how you feel when she's saying things about your kid, and how many times you've felt that way, as well.
This is your choice, absolutely. And if it were me, I'd probably try, and leave if it got bad. But if what you're looking for is validation of the choice NOT to go out with her, then by all means, you've got it.
Post by fluffaluff on May 18, 2013 16:45:06 GMT -5
Is your son going too or just you? I would go either way. Have you ever let her know how hurt you were by things she said and tried to talk to her about it? I feel like unless it was something really serious I would try everything I could to preserve the relationship, especially for my kids. She won't be around forever and I would want my kids and me to have fond memories of/with her.
I wouldn't do it. If you want her in your life for the sake of your son having a grandma, tell her she can come over/go out for lunch and have cake with the family. But a dinner alone with a person who has never made you feel supported? Too much, IMO. You shouldn't have to do something you dread for your birthday.
Post by margotmacomber on May 18, 2013 20:18:01 GMT -5
I can't be unbiased here because of the nature of the things she said. I would be conveniently too busy. Have you ever talked to her about what she said with regards to E?
I can't be unbiased here because of the nature of the things she said. I would be conveniently too busy. Have you ever talked to her about what she said with regards to E?
I've never talked to her about what she said about E because I'm too chicken to bring it up with her.
I can't be unbiased here because of the nature of the things she said. I would be conveniently too busy. Have you ever talked to her about what she said with regards to E?
I've never talked to her about what she said about E because I'm too chicken to bring it up with her.
I think you should only do what you feel comfortable doing. I wish I could smack her upside the face for you. I totally understand wanting to have a relationship though. DH can't for the life of him get why I keep my mom in my life. So I get it. It makes me sad though, when I think about what she said to you about E.
When we found out he was long to be born with a cleft lip and palate she said that we should abort him since he was going to take extra time and effort to parent plus need a couple surgeries.
When we found out he was long to be born with a cleft lip and palate she said that we should abort him since he was going to take extra time and effort to parent plus need a couple surgeries.
I change my answer; don't EVER go anywhere with this retched bitch. Your kid is beautiful and she's just a horrible person.