I have another question re: self confidence

[doriswe]

Confidence is less about what you look like and more about how you feel about yourself. Confidence is sexy as hell! I'm not thin either but I'm really confident in my own skin...which I've been told is pretty damn hot! In fact, I managed to bang a recockulously hot dude in Mexico who I met while wearing a swimsuit and wearing no make-up.

Have you ever done the whole looking in the mirror and telling yourself one thing you love about yourself? When I'm feeling down, I do that....pick one thing a day and tell yourself, out loud, what you love about yourself.

Oh and therapy

[lookingup]

Do you have any current full body pictures on your profile?

[jojoandleo]

I think this is something that will take time rather than a quick tip fix. I think it is also something everyone struggles with from time to time regardless of body type.

Although, when I am having a rough day, wearing fun make-up and doing my hair tends to make me feel better in the short time.

[stephreloaded]

I feel your pain. I used to tie my self confidence to my weight. Well, that still happens to me from time to time but what really worked for me was thinking about all the awesome things about myself. Sounds stupid but it does help.

I also think that besides the weight, it helps trying to look good no matter the size. I would get so upset that I was overweight and didnt put an effort to look put together. Once I started taking care of my appearance, my self confidence improved too.

[lookingup]

May 20, 2013 22:00:14 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

May 20, 2013 21:59:29 GMT -5 lookingup said:

Do you have any current full body pictures on your profile?

Yes.

If you are totally honest with your appearance on your profile, I don't see why there would be an issue. The issue is your own self-image, girlfriend! I agree with the sentiment that confidence isn't about your appearance, it's about how comfortable you are in your own skin.

Seriously, love yourself. This is step #1 to being in a healthy, functional relationship. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself- ALL THE THINGS! And keep in mind that we all have trouble seeing ourselves as others see us. You should be your own biggest cheerleader, not your own worst critic. Hell, the world is mean enough for that already. 

[bowies]

I wish I had great advice, but I struggle with the same shit. In a weird way, accepting the feelings helped me move past them somewhat: "OK, I feel this way. Now what?" Becoming a shut-in wasn't a viable option, so I just went for it and made sure I was talking through it with my therapist.

[lookingup]

May 20, 2013 21:59:41 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

May 20, 2013 21:58:14 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Confidence is less about what you look like and more about how you feel about yourself. Confidence is sexy as hell! I'm not thin either but I'm really confident in my own skin...which I've been told is pretty damn hot! In fact, I managed to bang a recockulously hot dude in Mexico who I met while wearing a swimsuit and wearing no make-up.

Have you ever done the whole looking in the mirror and telling yourself one thing you love about yourself? When I'm feeling down, I do that....pick one thing a day and tell yourself, out loud, what you love about yourself.

Oh and therapy

Well I'm sure I could try telling myself I love about myself but then when I see my double chin in the mirror a couple seconds later, I'll be down in the dumps again.

But I bet you have really beautiful eyes, or awesome hair! Maybe try some new makeup or a new style to have more fun with your look and make you feel good about yourself. 

[hazel]

Remember two things. 1) Confidence comes from within and your confidence will come across when you meet in person. 2) Beauty is also subjective.

I'm about 30 pounds (used to be 20, grr!) pounds overweight and have no problem picking up men. I've been very pleasantly surprised. I don't think men care as much as the media tells us they do. Or at the very least, they don't find what we see portrayed as beauty as the only appealing body type and features. Just like women, they find different things attractive.

Also, focus on what you do like about yourself and make sure you show off that trait when you meet them.

[glitzyglow]

You just have to love you, as hard as that seems. I remember right after my divorce I was with this guy and I was so nervous he'd see me naked and flee for the hills. I could definitely afford to lose some weight! However, when we started getting frisky, I remember him saying how gorgeous my body was and how he couldn't believe what a great body I had. Umm, I definitely did not have a model-perfect body. I don't need to wear a bikini...ever. But this guy loved my body. If he could love my body, why couldn't I? It really hit home for me and since then I've made an a conscious effort to love my body, extra weight or not. Some guy will find you so super sexy and attractive that you'll feel silly you wasted any time thinking you weren't gorgeous. You totally are! And the more you project that, the more others will be in agreement.

[Deleted]

Confidence is key.  Also dressing appropriately no matter the size.  I think as long as you have full body pics in your profile, it's fine!  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Some guys like petite girls.  Some girls like muscular, super fit guys.  Some guys like bigger girls etc.  It's all personal preference. Be comfortable in your own skin.  

[berbles]

A new fun bra that gives me awesome cleavage usually helps.

Seriously though, if I'm rocking 1 thing, I'll make sure that's what I focus my brain on. If I'm having an awesome hair day, or a good boob day, or I'm wearing fun makeup... I love my eyes, so even when I feel like shit about myself, I can always put on good eye makeup and feel a little better.

But really, I second everyone who is saying that it's moot to worry because there will ALWAYS be someone who is into your body type. Not everyone will be, but it goes both ways right? In my limited experience, wayyyyyy more guys like a fun, confident, fluffy girl than a skinny girl who thinks she's better than the fluffy girl just because she's skinny. KWIM? Be you. Fuck the rest.

[bullygirl979]

May 20, 2013 22:52:46 GMT -5 mp said:

I'm a size 4 and I still have this fear. My boobs are small and my stomach isn't flat. I worry that guys will focus on those things,dumb isn't it? Lol. Anyway, I just make sure I show photos that are flattering but representative of me... Then if they like me enough to want to meet up I figure they're ok with me.

This is me as well.

Like PP said, you have to love yourself first. Also, I agree with making lists of things you love about yourself. And if you say something positive, but then notice something negative, go on and name other positive. I'll check myself out in the mirror and think "damn, my arms are getting muscular" and then I will look at my stomach and think "shit, I still have a way to go there". I stop myself and focus on something else that I like about myself.

Also, I don't know if you work out but I notice that my self esteem is SO much better when I am working out and eating healthy.

[Deleted]

Also getting involved in things that help build your self confidence and self worth helps your self esteem. Volunteering, activities that interest you, etc. all build things inside yourself that make you feel good about yourself instead of focusing on what you look like.

I enjoy painting a lot and dog fostering, I get a lot of self gratification from these things and they have zero to do with my appearance.

[gault]

I feel your pain. Truly. I've lost 130 pounds but still got nervous when i posted full body photos on my profile. I'm a size 16. But hot guys still message me and it really is about how you feel inside and the confidence it brings to your demeanor.

It comes slowly and can take a few tries, but act confident and soon you'll be able to actually feel confident.