How many nights a week

[ilovelamp]

do you think is too much for a spouse to go out? I know there is no "right" answer and it all depends on the relationship, just looking for your opinions.

My friend told me her H usually goes out 2 nights a week without her, sometimes more. Nothing scandalous, just hanging out with friends. Wdyt?

[TrickyBob]

I think it all depends. My Husband works nights, I could go out every single night if I wanted to and he wouldn't say a peep because he's not home and I'm not ditching him. Obviously if I was going out and hanging out in sketchy places or something, but if it's with friends or something, he could care less. Same with me, when I worked, I would often work late into the evening and when he worked day light, he would catch up with a buddy or two a few nights a week or a buddy would come over. Didn't phase me any because I was at work. If nothing else, it'd make me kind of sad that I couldn't hang out too.

I think if it cuts into their time together or he's ditching her all the time or she feels like he is trying to distance himself, that could be a problem. But if it doesn't really bother her and if she wanted to go out too and he didn't make a big deal of it either, then why not?

ETA: We don't have kids. If we had kids, this would be an entirely different story. 

[Deleted]

No kids? I don't have a problem with 2 nights a week. Kids? 1 night tops.

[goaskalice]

My wife works late since she's a restaurant manager, and she often goes out after work to wind down so, 3-4 nights a week. We're really independent people, and I love my alone time while she's working and it doesn't bother me at all.

There is a running joke among both our groups of friends that we don't actually exist since we hardly ever go out with each other in groups. We save our nights off for date night, just the two of us.

[Deleted]

Honestly? We're out without each other all the time. We maybe spend two nights a week together.

[jane6672]

Meh, depends on the personalities and whatnot.

I get sad and mopey if I don't see H often enough. I'm all gross and in love like that.

[zoidberg]

My H goes out 2-3 nights a week for dart league, bowling league, and the occasional tourney.

I don't go out so much, but I keep my own schedule for my workouts (don't get home until 7:30 twice a week because of spin, get up at 5am to run and lift 3 times, long run on Saturday morning, long bike on Sunday morning). I probably spend as much time on that stuff as he does going out a couple of times.

I am not bothered, nor is he.

[VeryViolet]

This post has made me realize what a homebody I am. I hardly ever go out without DH. I think a lot of it is because I don't have any of my own friends close by we have a lot of couple friends. I am close to a lot of those ladies but we end up doing stuff as couples 90% of the time. I really probably need to put myself out there more but I tend to be shy/socially anxious. DH goes out without me sometimes and has drinks with his friend at home once or twice a week.

[shoeless]

Depends. ::insert back when my marriage wasnt good:: If he was home by 1 am, then I wouldn't mind at all. I LOVE my alone time.

Generally, I have some sort of physical activity every night of the week, twice a week I am out till 11pm working out, but most nights of the week I am out doing something physical with a group I enjoy for at least an hour or two. So I wouldn't begrudge him going out with his friends.

(Caveat: no kids)

[zoidberg]

And maybe this makes me sound like a hag, but I relish that alone time and am glad that he goes out when he does. I need a lot of alone time to feel normal.

[emsumm]

I go out about 1 time per week for fun pretty often, but I'm also gone 1-2 night per week for work.

[hisno1girl]

The number of nights that's "too much" is any number of nights that's causing a problem for the spouse left at home.

[Deleted]

Dh has softball every week. I go out one weeknight.

So about once a week per spouse.

[Jalapeñomel]

Before moving to Lafayette, we both went out several times a week sometimes together sometimes not. We were very social .

[maria120]

My husband isn't out much during the week.  He plays basketball once a week in the winter and then in the summer he golfs or fishes on the weekends during the day usually 1-2 times a month.  I'm at home with the kids during the day and I usually go out 1-2 times during the week, plus I work 1-2 nights a week.  I don't know...I think 2 nights out sounds okay?  Especially if there aren't kids involved.  I feel like I spend time with my kids all day and so they get some alone time with dad a few nights a week.  And that's a good thing.

[goaskalice]

May 22, 2013 20:57:35 GMT -5 zoidberg said:

And maybe this makes me sound like a hag, but I relish that alone time and am glad that he goes out when he does. I need a lot of alone time to feel normal.

I totally get this. It was a huge point of contention in the beginning of our relationship, but now we've got a great groove going and we're super happy to do what we both want to do.