Tell me I'm being crazy and unreasonable.

[julez]

H's aunt is dying.  He is going to see her before she passes.  I have no desire to go, and also I'm pukey and busy at work.  He wants to take DD (3.5).  For 6 days. I am freaking out. I have never been away from DD this long, and I told him no.  Then I said "maybe," but only for two or three days.

They would be staying with H's mom, who ADORES DD, and whom I trust implicitly. I also know that H will be just fine with her, but it's ME I'm worried about.  I've never been away from DD that long, and when I have been away, I've been the one away, so I've been busy and it has been easier to keep my mind off of missing her.  This time I'd be at home with her empty bedroom and all of her toys and...sniff. 

I know that one year from now, when I have two tiny babies and a sassy 4.5 year old, I will be BEGGING for 6 days alone in my own house. 

Tell me how irrational I'm being.  Tell me it will be okay.  Tell me they are going to come home together in one piece and not leave me alone forever with these babies.  Please. 

(It bears mentioning that I am a basket case of anxiety on a normal day.  Being pregnant does not help.) 

[snickers]

Your not being irrational at all. Your beig mom who loves her daughter With that said, I do think it would be fine if she went with H for a few days, and maybe it would be a nice break if your pukey. But who am I to talk? I have a hard time being away from my dog, lol

[angelaa73]

I think it will be fine! I'm almost in the camp "the first two days are the hardest, so the diff between 3 and 5 days is negligible"

[Deleted]

Yeah, you are being unreasonable.  Let your husband take her for 6 days, or else go with them for all or part of the trip.  It would be bitchy to refuse to go AND to refuse to let your husband take her for the whole trip.

[DotAndBuzz]

You are not being irrational, but if they go, it will be ok. They will have a nice trip (well, "nice" might not be the best word, considering the circumstances for the trip), and you will miss her dearly, but enjoy the time "off" to lay around/be pukey without having to worry about anyone buy yourself.

[julez]

Jun 8, 2013 21:14:26 GMT -5 angelaa73 said:

I think it will be fine! I'm almost in the camp "the first two days are the hardest, so the diff between 3 and 5 days is negligible"

For her or for me?   

But that makes a lot of sense.  By the time the second day is over, there's a new "normal" for both of us, and it gets easier. 

[julez]

Jun 8, 2013 21:17:14 GMT -5 julez said:

Jun 8, 2013 21:14:33 GMT -5 @godawgs said:

Yeah, you are being unreasonable.  Let your husband take her for 6 days, or else go with them for all or part of the trip.  It would be bitchy to refuse to go AND to refuse to let your husband take her for the whole trip.

I wasn't invited.  Nor do I want to go, at all.  See busy at work and pukey.  H really wants DD to go to see her family, and I get it.  I'm just...sad. 

ETA: It's also really sweet that H is trying to give me a break since I feel so lousy, and because I need it, even if I am having a hard time believing it right now.

[mommytutu]

Think of all the bad TV and food you can eat by yourself!! I totally get it though and would miss both DH and DD like crazy.

[Deleted]

Jun 8, 2013 21:19:18 GMT -5 julez said:

Jun 8, 2013 21:17:14 GMT -5 julez said:

I wasn't invited.  Nor do I want to go, at all.  See busy at work and pukey.  H really wants DD to go to see her family, and I get it.  I'm just...sad. 

ETA: It's also really sweet that H is trying to give me a break since I feel so lousy, and because I need it, even if I am having a hard time believing it right now.

Being sad about it isn't crazy or unreasonable, but not letting her go would be.  You will miss her, but you will also be okay.  And it will be fun for her to spend a week with her grandparents.  Try to schedule some fun things to do for yourself while they are away.

[janegold]

You're not being irrational but it WILL be okay. I'm sure there are plenty of ways you could fill your time alone. Shopping by yourself, salon, watching tv uninterrupted, projects around the house, reading, etc.

[noodleoo]

Really? Take the break! Did I read correctly that you have twins coming? Enjoy a week of peace and quiet before all hell breaks loose!

I also have a question: why is it easier for your H to be away from her forn6 days then for you?

Also, what's your DD going to do while dad is away and you are at work? Sounds like visiting family will be more fun for her. Let her go. It will be good for her too to gain some independence from you.

[Deleted]

You're making me feel like a sociopath. I would be GIDDY if someone took my kids away for 6 days.

[gretchenindisguise]

I, personally, think it sounds amazing.

I might be missing a part of my mom gene.

[speckledfrog]

Jun 8, 2013 21:31:01 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

You're making me feel like a sociopath. I would be GIDDY if someone took my kids away for 6 days.

I was thinking, "What would I do with myself if W was gone for 3 days?  Oh yeah, WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!"

I understand why you are feeling that way, but I think it's important to be able to separate yourself from your kid. 

[julez]

Jun 8, 2013 21:34:04 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Jun 8, 2013 21:31:01 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

You're making me feel like a sociopath. I would be GIDDY if someone took my kids away for 6 days.

I was thinking, "What would I do with myself if W was gone for 3 days?  Oh yeah, WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!"

I understand why you are feeling that way, but I think it's important to be able to separate yourself from your kid. 

Yes.  This is spot-on. 

And when I'm really honest with myself, if he left her at home with me while he was gone, I would be frazzled, sick, and frustrated most of the time, which is not best for her. 

[saraandmichael]

get a grip!

how would you feel if your husband told you that you couldn't take your daughter to see a dying family member?

relax and enjoy the quiet time.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Jun 8, 2013 21:44:50 GMT -5 saraandmichael said:

get a grip!

how would you feel if your husband told you that you couldn't take your daughter to see a dying family member?

relax and enjoy the quiet time.

This exactly.

[deanlicker78]

Hog the bed, eat junk food and watch crap tv for a week!

[saraandmichael]

um, yes she is being irrational! look...here is the definition:

ir·ra·tio·nal Listen to audio/ɪˈræʃənəl/ adjective
[more irrational; most irrational] : not rational: such as a : not thinking clearly : not able to use reason or good judgment
▪ He became irrational as the fever got worse.
b : not based on reason, good judgment, or clear thinking
▪ She had an irrational fear of cats. ▪ an irrational prejudice


honestly...this whole scenario embodies irrationality.

[tdk2]

Not irrational. And I'm fully certain hormones are playing into this a bit.

I get all emotional about having kiddo go stay with my parents or in laws (when we're over there).

to be honest though, while I miss her at times, OMG the freedom is fabulous. My mom and dad took her for 5 days or so early in first tri when I was puking and sleeping tons. It was so very nice to not have take care of anyone but myself for a few days.

I can't tell you what to do, and you will miss them both, but I think you should take this opportunity. Embrace it. YOu can rest, relax, watch bad tv, eat whatever stays down w/o feeling like a bad influence, take a book somewhere, take a bath alone and in peace.

I bet you the time will pass way faster than you realize and you'll have mixed feelings about the return. (I'm like, dude, I have to make food for others again??)


I've been thinking of you. I still keep meaning to make the anti puke ideas list. This week was insane.

[jacquie]

I wouldn't necessarily say you're being irrational. Though, I would absolutely take advantage of a home to myself for six days, especially if I were feeling crummy and if the possibility of the opportunity coming up in the next handful of years is nil.

I think it sounds wonderful. That could be the long fucking deployment and single parenting my nearly three-year-old son talking.

[tdk2]

crap. I posted RIGHT after s&m though I wrote it awhile ago. haha.

I think there are rational reasons behind her feeling she'll miss dd too much.

hence, not totally irrational.

[julez]

tdk, you're the best. Thank you.

How are you doing? When is your big u/s? (Or did you have it and I missed it?)

[tdk2]

Jun 8, 2013 22:07:16 GMT -5 julez said:

tdk, you're the best. Thank you.

How are you doing? When is your big u/s? (Or did you have it and I missed it?)

Pretty good.  Puked a bit less this week, but sciatica pain has been a beast.  Mainly b/c we've been running around like crazy. I think it's b/c I finally got car access again haha. 

It's a boy    It still blows my mind ot think it's a boy, I can't picture having a boy, I think I thought it was a girl all along.  we found out early w/ a materni21 test b/c i'm an oldie and then had the anat scan done and they confirmed it. 

[julez]

tdk, that's so exciting! Congrats!!

We were just having the "what if one of these is a boy?" conversation today. I have no idea what to do with a boy! I feel like I'm a girl mom. But what if BOTH are boys?

I'm an oldie, too. I want the MaterniT21 test, but I haven't gotten a straight answer on if I can get it yet or if it is accurate for multiples.

I'm sorry about the sciatic pain. I had that with DD, and it was horrible. I hope both the pukes and the pain go away soon!

[sparkythelawyer]

Everyone is entitled to FEEL however they do. What's not cool is to let your emotions get in the way of someone you love's perfectly reasonable request. I am sure you will let her go with your husband, and everyone will be fine. :-)

[Deleted]

Jun 8, 2013 21:58:14 GMT -5 saraandmichael said:

um, yes she is being irrational! look...here is the definition:

ir·ra·tio·nal Listen to audio/ɪˈræʃənəl/ adjective
[more irrational; most irrational] : not rational: such as a : not thinking clearly : not able to use reason or good judgment
▪ He became irrational as the fever got worse.
b : not based on reason, good judgment, or clear thinking
▪ She had an irrational fear of cats. ▪ an irrational prejudice


honestly...this whole scenario embodies irrationality.

APP LOVE

[Chelle]

Tell him to take her for a full week! Why stop at 5 or 6 days!?

Just kidding, but seriously, let them go. It's good you time, it's good father daughter bonding time...it's just all around good. Seriously. Watch chick flicks with your girlfriends and eat chocolate and ENJOY!

[Deleted]

Your feelings are not irrational or crazy.

But let her go. And if you need to, think of it as something you're doing for thing one and thing two in there. If you're truly able to relax after say two days, that's four low stress days your body needs. Granted it's early on and ideally this would happen at like 28wks but maybe it'll be a trial run for a shorter time away.

[Deleted]

Oh and i was told all blood tests are less accurate for multiples. Harder to get all the pieces separated. Personally i wouldn't go through the trouble, we didn't even do the nt blood test (but was getting an amnio anyway).