Ugh. I broke the cardinal infertility rule

[karmasabiotch]

I asked someone how its going. I hated that question. I know better and it just popped out of my mouth. Clearly it isn't going well if your not pg. I wanted to cry and it looked like she did too.

I wish I could scrub that moment out of my head.

[lola]

Oh, man, I'm sorry Karma. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

[speckledfrog]

Those foot in the mouth moments are the worst.

[Deleted]

(((Karma))) it's ok.

[mae141]

As a bitter infertile myself, I feel that this question is better than not acknowledging the IF at all. I think it hurts more when someone knows that I'm having issues and never asks about it.

[shoeless]

Sorry karma.. those foot and mouth moments blow!

[bab]

You're really not allowed to ask someone "how's it going?" Like, in general or were you specifically asking how her teatments were going?


I'm sorry but this is weird to me.

[rugbywife]

I think that if this is someone you know well, who shares their life with you, it is okay to ask (and I have IF issues). My friends and family ask all the time, because they care. And yes, my answer is usually the same, because the process is long and repetitive, but I share, because it helps. Don't feel too badly. How's it going from a friend is WAY better than the "How much longer are you two going to wait to have kids?" or "Shouldn't you be giving your parents grandkids soon?" from idiots who don't realize that it just doesn't happen that easily for everyone.

[karmasabiotch]

She casually mentioned something about a Dr. appointment at her RE and I asked her how it was going. She looked like she wanted to cry and I had that stab in my heart feeling because I hated when when people asked me. I always felt like if I wasn't pg then it wasn't going well which seemed so obvious. She changed the subject so quickly so I know she was hurting.

I'm overly sensitive on the IF topic since I still struggle with being sad that J is it for me.

[rugbywife]

Jun 9, 2013 18:40:53 GMT -5 karmasabiotch said:

She casually mentioned something about a Dr. appointment at her RE and I asked her how it was going. She looked like she wanted to cry and I had that stab in my heart feeling because I hated when when people asked me. I always felt like if I wasn't pg then it wasn't going well which seemed so obvious. She changed the subject so quickly so I know she was hurting.

I'm overly sensitive on the IF topic since I still struggle with being sad that J is it for me.

I think if she mentioned it casually she probably kind of wants to talk about but then gets overwhelmed by the emotions she feels about it all.  I feel like that sometimes.  I think that's part of the struggle...I find IF to be incredibly isolating - sometimes I struggle to even talk to my DH about it. So she probably wants to be able to share, but at the same time doesn't want to break down either. 

[karmasabiotch]

I don't really know her that well. She was actually my middle school bully and then we found out we were cousins. This is the second time I have seen her since 7th grade. I'm going to watch her dog for about 10 days. We reconnected on FB and have a bunch of things in common and I'm sort of desperate for family so I'm trying to push through my social anxiety.

Maybe I am just over thinking now?

[lola]

Karama - do you know her well enough to mention that you've been through the IF thing too?

I'm a lot like rugbywife when it comes to talking about it. I'd probably talk about it outside of the TTTC board if I had ANYBODY in my real life who even remotely understood. Instead I get a lot of, "It'll work out when the time is right!" and "It's in God's hands now, and he has a plan for you," and while I know these comments are said with good intentions it is enough to make me shut right up.

Maybe after you dog sit you could just say, "Just so you know, I've struggled with IF and still struggle and if you ever need somebody to talk to please know I'd be there for you."

IDK, you seem like good people and I really wish I had somebody like you - a friend - that I could chat to about some of this stuff....

[snickers]

Oh no,
Your only human, I hate when something like that automatically comes out of my mouth.