unwanted visitors after baby is born

[7costanza]

My sister's boyfriend/"fiance" is a dirtbag, and a felon, and I don't want him anywhere near me, my H or the baby. I actually don't really want her around either but will probably let her at least visit in the hospital. I'm nervous that he is going to show up with her either at the hospital or once we're home, and how we will handle it. If there was someone similar that you had no desire to see, but wanted to visit you and the baby, how did you handle it?

I did ask the hospital about their policy on unwelcome visitors, and they can put some kind of information hold on my name so that anyone who calls or shows up will be told I'm not there. They recommended just giving out our room number to those we want to see, because they don't require visitors to check in or register at all, but that really doesn't help me if he's with my sister and she has the room number. The person I talked to said the nurses can politely ask people to leave but made it seem like managing visitors for the most part is up to the patients.  

[Deleted]

I would address this well before I ever went to the hospital. Make it clear to your sister her fiancé is not welcome and del ith the fallout before the birth of your child.

[ladygrey]

Does your sister know how you feel about her fiancé? If so I would talk to her and explain that you'd rather have her visit without him in order to keep the peace.

[mollybrown]

Have you flat out told them that you don't want them/him to visit? I didn't see anywhere in your post that you asked your sister not to have the boyfriend visit. It seems like it would only be a matter of time before she shows up with him at your house, even if you can have the nurses run interference at the hospital.

In my experience, everyone called and asked before visiting at the hospital. We would have just told them it wasn't a good time if we didn't want to be bothered. The nurses did indicate that they could help clear the room of people that overstayed their welcome, but you're probably just going to have to be direct if this isn't someone you ever want around your child.

[7costanza]

I haven't told her directly yet, which I know I need to do but have been putting off. We aren't really close and I haven't even talked to her in weeks. A bunch of stuff has happened with them in the past month or so, and she left him for a couple weeks, so I've been hoping he was out of the picture for good and I could just avoid that conversation but thank you all for giving me a push to call and talk to her about it.

[ECB]

Jun 10, 2013 22:18:58 GMT -5 @ojo said:

Jun 10, 2013 21:56:57 GMT -5 7costanza said:

I haven't told her directly yet, which I know I need to do but have been putting off. We aren't really close and I haven't even talked to her in weeks. A bunch of stuff has happened with them in the past month or so, and she left him for a couple weeks, so I've been hoping he was out of the picture for good and I could just avoid that conversation but thank you all for giving me a push to call and talk to her about it.

If you're feeling non-confrontational, you could probably say something along the lines of wanting immediate family only because you'll be nursing/recovering/sleep deprived/your house will be a mess/don't want to entertain a guest, something along those lines.  

And be CLEAR that you mean "no boyfriend"!!  But this is a good non-confrontational way to handle it.

[holly116]

Three years ago I was in a similar situation. My sisters boyfriend wasn't quite as bad as you're describing, but he was still a 36 year old weirdo dating my 22 year old sister and I didn't want him around. My sister literally couldn't do anything without him so I was sure she'd try to bring him to the hospital.

I had no problem being very vocal in letting everyone know that I had no desire to see him and that if my sister wanted to see the baby, she'd come alone. Apparently he did come to the hospital with her while I was in labor but everyone decided to just not tell me until way after the fact. I never saw him or knew that he was apparently in the hallway and that was enough for me.