Am I being over protective about this?

[Yankees21]

You are 100% in the right, and I'm glad you said what you did to her. Maybe she won't leave him, but hopefully it will at least make her think.

[sonrisa]

Kids don't have to do overnights at the grandparents. This isn't like keeping them from coming to his birthday party. His decisions have consequences. Unfortunately she's caught in the crosshairs.

[snickers]

You aren't off base at all, my grandfather was an alcoholic and we were never allowed to stay there when he was drinking. He did stupid stupid things while drinking, and I am very thankful my mom/dad protected me from those situations (he drove drunk with my cousins in the car and didn't shut the door all the way and one of them fell out :/)

[Deleted]

no way. his choice is preventing him from watching with your kid, your mom's choice his preventing her from watching your kid. wa-fucking-lla.

[sugarbear]

Jun 23, 2013 19:17:20 GMT -5 ECB said:

I won't let my ILs watch DS for much lesser reasons, so no, not over protective. Your mom doesn't agree with you and clearly won't be honest about your dad.

Sorry your dealing with this.

Ditto. My in-laws live across the country, but when they were planning a visit last summer and talking about how DH and I could have date nights, we told DH's mom that she and SFIL would never be alone with our kids as long as he's drinking. She canceled their trip the next day (and they've still not met DS2). Oh well.

[vanillacourage]

Jun 23, 2013 19:17:20 GMT -5 ECB said:

And unfortunately, you may not be able to use them at all anymore. Your mom doesn't agree with you and clearly won't be honest about your dad.

Sorry your dealing with this.

Agree. Sadly I would just not ever plan on letting them do overnights, because your mom will fib to you about the drinking if she knows you'll stop letting your DS go over there.

[Deleted]

Newp. Team SMACE

[sparkythelawyer]

I think you are being perfectly reasonable, and I don't think I would trust your mom on this issue in the future. Her judgment is too clouded and I think she'd cover for your Dad to maintain access to your little one.

[Gato]

I'm sorry that you're faced with this.  I think you're being completely realistic, and I would do the same thing in your shoes.

[textbookcase]

Not overprotective. My kids aren't allowed to spend the night at my parents house, and they are rarely over there without us.

[statlerwaldorf]

Not overprotective

[Deleted]

You're doing the right thing. My FIL is a heavy drinker (*I* think alcoholic) and I would never let L spend the night at his house.

[montereybride]

You are not cracked. Your mom is cracked.

She's choosing to arrange her life so that it works with an alcoholic. You are under no obligation to make that choice. Neither is she but that's neither here nor there.

[montereybride]

Jun 23, 2013 19:44:57 GMT -5 @smace said:

My mom did say something like 'you're punishing me for your father's problem' and I told her that she made it her problem when she decided to continue living with an alcoholic. She did *not* like that, not even a little

the truth sucks.

Yep! Tough shit, mom!

You should TOTALLY endanger your child's life so your mom can be the grandma once in a while. She's nuts!

[raine424]

Jun 23, 2013 19:48:16 GMT -5 @smace said:

and thanks everyone. I mean, obviously, *fucking duh, kids + alcoholics = bad* but when my mom lays the guilt trip and calls me unreasonable, I need to make sure she's really just trying to muddy the problem by placing blame on anyone but herself. B/c I totally can be bitchy and unreasonable in other areas of my life. lol.

Try not to let your mom lay that guilt trip on you. That is very unfair of her. I understand that she feels bad that you aren't letting X stay overnight with her, but you are doing what is best for your kids. Maybe they could have special "Grandma/X time" sometime during the day since X does enjoy time with her?

[pantsparty]

Also, hugs @smace. I am really sorry. This has to be incredibly difficult to stand your ground when it comes to your parents. You are doing the right thing by your kids, as tough as it seems.

[livinitup]

Newp.

Why are you letting an alcoholic doubt yourself?Or an alcoholic's enabler doubt your decision making? I mean, does she have a great track record on assessing situations? Does she? At all ?

Okay, then - so how about assessing what's best for your child? Anything?

I think it's good you are challenging the alcoholic's system. Very good.

[JayhawkGirl]

You are completely in the right here. And given that your mom knew the rule, I suspect she was hiding your dad's relapse from you.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[Bree Van de Kamp]

I'll go a step further and say that you're pretty much obligated to impose that restriction. And rather than being irritated with you about it, your mother should be thankful that you're willing to make the right judgement call and keep your DS away from the potential danger that lurks there, because she would never forgive herself if she talked you out of going with your gut and something happened to her grandchild. I'm %100 team Smace on this one.

[mrsukyankee]

Great decision on your part. Your mom wants you to be complicit in the decision she's made that this is normal and you aren't agreeing. That's hard on her but good for you. Invite your mom over and perhaps let her sit with the kids while you go out to dinner and then stay over - win-win for all of you?

[Saint Monica]

You are absolutely 100% correct.

[leahmel]

Your gut instinct is correct. You're his mom and if anything about it makes you uncomfortable then you shouldn't have him there. That is her "normal", so she doesn't see it as anything that bad. you know your Dad's behavior while drinking enough to feel uncomfortable with it, and that's not unreasonable!

[mushmouse]

Jun 23, 2013 23:03:28 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Newp.

Why are you letting an alcoholic doubt yourself?Or an alcoholic's enabler doubt your decision making? I mean, does she have a great track record on assessing situations? Does she? At all ?

Okay, then - so how about assessing what's best for your child? Anything?

I think it's good you are challenging the alcoholic's system. Very good.

Because they are master manipulators.  And we all want that completely normal, dream family.  Some of us don't get it and it's hard.  So hard.
OP - good for you for making good choices.