are you saying here that it's good to make plans based upon expected life trajectory, but to expect that that may change? if so, i agree with you.
I think some stress can be alleviated by acknowledging that our plans are not writ in stone, and it's amazing how different your life can look in 5 amd 10 years.
Yes, Stossel, plans are good.
plans are GREAT. my job may not always be my job, but in an era of law job roulette and frequent layoffs, i'm totally patting my back for the fact that i'm still at my firm, still like my job, and manage to have a kid too. i take my self-congratulations where i can. ha.
Post by texassmith on Jun 24, 2013 12:02:49 GMT -5
I just always knew I wanted to stay home. Once DD #2 is in school full time in a few years I may get something part time, but I still want to be available to do school drop off/pick up, go on field trips, volunteer a lot, invest in my hobby, and be a Girl Scout leader (starting with DD #1 in the fall, yay!).
I had G at 36 and just didn't want to work anymore. I was burned out from my career and just done. I don't know how long I'll stay home, or what I'll do when I go back.
I don't really get bored or stir crazy, or have that thing the rest of you seem to have that makes you feel guilty when you're not highly productive. I can definitely foresee a time when I will need something else to be fulfilled, but right now I'm happy at home.
Same here!
We discussed before marriage that one of us would be home if we decided to have kids. It just didn't interest us to have a child if we had to go the daycare route. My worst day at home is still better than my best day at work and I've never been the type to get bored.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Jun 24, 2013 16:43:34 GMT -5
We can't afford for me to be a SAHM, unfortunately. But I work from home part-time and hope to continue like this until K is 1.
At that point, I'd like to move back to full-time work, but we'll see how things go. If I find something perfect before then, I'd take it. Similarly if the right thing didn't come along, I'd keep on as I am.
It's tough sometimes because I can't nap when he naps since that's when I am working, but I feel like I really do have the best of both worlds.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
It's just not for me. I'm a full-time student right now so I'm at home during breaks, and I kind of hate it. And not only do I kind of hate it, but I'm not good at it. I'm so much happier to see her when I've had the chance to miss her.
Also money. We're okay right now on one small income, because we live in a tiny condo, drive (one) old car, and never take vacations. That's not the life I envision for us long-term. And frankly my husband will probably never make enough to afford it on his own.
Also, there really isn't a tipping point for me as far as how much of my income goes to daycare. Even if 100% of my income went to daycare, I would still work.
Ideally, I'll be the breadwinner and H can scale back his hours to maintain benefits, and be part-time SAHD.
I work FT, H works PT. I provide the health insurance. We have no day care costs since we work opposite shifts. Grandma watches E once every few weeks.
I would really like to be able to work PT, but I love my current schedule and position. I am off at 2:30 everyday, so, once in awhile, I can still take our son, E, out for a fun activity when I get off work.
I also take a day off work usually 1x a month to do a fun activity with E. We're going to the Children's Museum this Thursday.
I SAH because I enjoy being with the kids and doing fun things with them (taking them to the playground, library, zoo, etc.). I'm finding that I'm liking it more and more as they get older because they're becoming more interactive and fun for me to be around The boys are in school every morning and have activities most afternoons which provides structure to our days and gives me a bit of a break. I want to be around for them before and after school when they're older so I don't really see myself going back to paid employment.
Paranoia...I always planned to be a SAHM & I became one despite making more money than H at the time. Just the thought of leaving my baby would give me anxiety. And I didn't love my job anyway. That was almost 9yrs ago, now I SAH because I did with my other kids. I wouldn't mind going back to work now when DD4 is 16mo or older (she's 3mo now). I'm less paranoid & less of a worry wart now...and I want more money..lol.
It was never even a question for me, both because we can't afford it and because I'd go nuts. Really, really, really nuts. When DH is out of town and I'm alone with DS on the weekends, I breathe a sign of relief when Monday comes around. I love my kid more than life itself, but caring for him nonstop is not my thing. I love sending him off to daycare where he plays and learns, and then having our sweet little night time routine and weekend fun.
Post by purplecow0206 on Jun 24, 2013 19:47:23 GMT -5
My mind may change a year from now, but the plan is for me to stay working after my maternity leave. My organization has a great (for the US!) leave policy and I will have a full 12 weeks paid without using any annual/sick leave. I will use that to make the final decision but I just can't see myself not wanting to go back to work. Also, it's hard to see if we could swing it financially, since we're in an HCOL area. DH and I make a good income together, but we couldn't live comfortably with just his income.
I realize that I could be singing a different tune a year from now, especially I'll get back into the office from maternity leave just as we hit our busy period.
It's not a choice for me. We need my income to live the way I want to live. We are in a HCOL and if my H was the only earner, we would not be able to take vacations (as modest as they are), enroll our children in extra curricular activities etc.
I don't want to pinch every single penny. We need the money.
Post by DotAndBuzz on Jun 24, 2013 20:39:31 GMT -5
Scheduling was the main justification for me staying home. I was toying with the idea of going back part time after my maternity leave was over, and started asking around my co-workers how they did it. It was mostly "oh, my mom helps me out and takes the kid for X hours before i leave for work, or in the mornings so I can sleep, and then husband takes the kid when he's done from work/leaving for work. We had no family or close friends in town, and soon discovered that 12 hour overnight shifts suck HARD for childcare arrangements. Couple that w/ H's schedule? ugh. yeah, we probably could have worked something out if we absolutely had to, but we were fortunate that we didn't have to.
No plans on going back to anything like that job any time soon. Or maybe ever.
for me, its just what I always wanted to do. my mom had a flexible job while I was growing up, so she was always around to be our girl scout leader, room mom, chaperone field trips... and I just always wanted that for my kids. DHs mom was a SAHM, so he liked the idea, too. We kind of planned for it by buying his parents house from them when they had to move out of state-- very affordable on just DHs income. We adopted DS from Korea. WE waited a year from being matched with him until we "got" him. it was TORTURE!!! he was 21 months old when we finally brought him home... and I just felt like I already missed almost 2 years with him, and I didn't want to miss any more. Some days I go a little crazy, but for the most part I love being home. I love that our days are ours to do whatever with (playground, playdate, hang at home, a craft project, errands). and i'm rarely bored- we're always out at some activity or play date or whatever. We also don't have any family in the area- our parents both live hours away. So me not working gives us more flexibility to visit them or have them come visit us. I also looked at my career. I'm a speech therapist- its a very in-demand field right now, with lots of job options. So I knew that staying home for a few years wouldn't really set me back career-wise. I'll be able to find something pretty easily if I need to, or if I'm ever just "over" being at home.
I was the breadwinner with XH after he was disabled. I missed a lot and the kids didn't have a good, stable upbringing because of his/our parenting. DH and I moved cross-country and decided that it would be great for me to SAH and do the things with Kiddo that I missed out on with the kids and that he wished his mom had time to do with him. I went back to work after she moved back in with mom since there was nothing keeping me here. When she moved back in with us (and then her sister) we thought it would be best for me to SAH so I could take care of whatever needs came up.