The Westminster Dog Show’s very first Affenpinscher to win Best in Show was stripped of his title yesterday, to the shock and embarrassment of his owners and handlers. Yes, Banana Joe V Tani Kazari’s winning glory was short-lived. Just over a month since winning the dog community’s highest honor, the little black pup with a monkey face, described as being “in perfect condition” had to return his prized silver bowl.
“We’re horrified by this shocking turn of events,” said April Pullinyerleg, spokesperson for the Westminster Kennel Club. “The winner of Westminster is considered ‘America’s Dog’ for the year. He wins a lifetime of prestige and lucrative breeding fees. We can’t allow Banana Joe to continue that tradition after what’s happened. He has shamed our club and everything we stand for.”
According to multiple sources, the five year old Banana Joe was discovered having relations with an older mixed breed dog named Hijinx. Although too soon to tell, there is speculation that Hijinx may be pregnant.
Banana Joe has been living in the Netherlands with his owner. Hijinx belongs to the neighbor, Cristina Streek, who tells Dogington Post, “We didn’t realize there was anything going on. I mean, they’ve always been friends and played along the fence together. Then last week I noticed Joe had dug his way under the fence and Hijinx had a certain ‘glow’ about her.”
Dogs that have been neutered aren’t permitted to compete in the Westminster show. Banana Joe, since retiring from his show career after his big win, had planned to become a breeding stud to produce future winning Affenpinschers.
“Maybe he just wanted some practice!” laughed Streek, who is thrilled that her black and brown mutt might be carrying Joe’s litter. “They will make the most adorable puppies!” Miss Streek would not comment on why her female dog has not been spayed.
The Westminter Kennel Club, however, plans to revoke Banana Joe’s title and award it to the dog show’s runner-up, a 20-month old Old English Sheepdog.
Banana Joe’s owner was unavailable for comment.
Ok, so it turns out this is a fake article, but it was still funny. Banana Joe, bangin bitches.