Omg, I don't know what to do

[LauraMoser]

DD2 is 2.5. She just finally quieted down about 15 minutes ago after fighting bed time all night so far. Its not really fighting bedtime, its refusing to sleep in her own bed.

A while back, she had the same issue, and I finally had gotten her to sleep in her bed again about two months ago. That time it took one night of me spending about an hour in her room with her and she didn't fight sleeping in her bed again after that.

About three weeks ago, I came down with a bad case of strep throat and ended up spending a couple of nights on the couch. She spent one night there with me (DH didn't move her to her bed after I passed out) and everything has unraveled.

I've been trying to lay in her bed with her. Some nights I am able to sneak out after she falls asleep, but then she winds up in our bed a few hours later. Other nights, she ends up screaming and crying because I have to go tend to DS, therefore I leave before she falls asleep.

I'm not sure what to do, as what worked before is obviously not working this time. If we let her sleep with us from the start, there are no issues whatsoever. But a queen size bed with two adults, a 7 month old at times, and a toddler is not very comfortable.

I use a baby gate to try to deter her from coming out of her room, but she has figured out how to get out of that. I would consider a hook and eye lock, but she shares the room with DD1, who gets up to use the bathroom, and I wouldn't want her to not be able to get out. I have tried, and continue to try just letting her CIO, but again, she busts through the gate anyway.

I was seriously breaking down just a little while ago. I don't know what to do anymore. She is currently on the couch next to me, passed out. If I'm lucky, I can move her to her bed and get about two or three hours in my bed until she comes up. I'm tired, and I'm tired of fighting her every night.

Anyone have any advice? I'm seriously at my wit's end.

[Bree Van de Kamp]

Have you tried these yet? The ones I have are glow in the dark, so your DS1 would have no issue finding the knob in the middle of the night. They're pretty hard to defeat for tiny hands. 

Or could you get her a pillow pet or something like it and tether it around or in her bed so that she'll have to stay in bed to cuddle with it?


Sorry you're dealing with this...sleep is like the most precious gift in motherhood...losing out on it is hell (which I'm sure you already know). I hope you find a solution soon! 

[mommytutu]

Sorry but she's probably playing you. I say a little tough love I would try what the PP said/posted.

[ErinExpat]

I'm not a mom yet, but as long as she knows that there's a possibility you'll relent and take her to the couch, or to your bed, there's no way she'll stay in her own bed.

She needs to know that you're dead serious.

[hellfreezesovertour]

My kid was able to figure out that door thing, sorry to say. So I literally locked him in with a latch on the outside. Had to be done. Took about 2 months and he doesn't venture anymore unless he's sick.

This has to be solved before potty training!

[vanillacourage]

About then DS1 got really into a routine that we keep to this day.  We'd do potty, brush teeth, read 2 books, and then we turn out the light and I let him push the button on my phone to set the timer for 3 minutes.  I snuggle with him for that time and when the timer goes off, away I go.  I promise to come check on him in 10 minutes but he has to stay in bed - when I get back up and peek in, he is usually sacked out.

[MixedBerryJam]

Jun 26, 2013 6:15:15 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Everything would come to a screeching halt in her world. nothing fun, till she gets it right. She can do this, and I'd tell her you know she can.

And absolutely, use those door thingies.

I'm with @cse1960 on this (no surprise there, there, I think she's one of the smartest moms on the boards!) -- Oh, too bad, xyz activity/treat/whatever is only for big girls who can sleep in their beds. When you sleep in your bed all night tonight we can do that." You need to make sure she understands that being a big girl comes with privileges not available to babies.


Also, I wonder if the baby sleeping in your bed is kicking sibling rivalry into overdrive.

[tigress]

My kid just sleeps in our bed now. We are bad parents.

At least DD2 likes her crib and sleeps there 100% of the time!

[CrazyLucky]

Jun 26, 2013 7:24:05 GMT -5 panicfoot said:

I'm not a mom yet, so take this fwiw. Have you seen Super Nanny? When toddlers got out of bed, after the bedtime routine, she had mom or dad walk them back to their bed holding their hand and say, "goodnight, I love you" and nothing more. Then every other time, they say absolutely nothing and take them back to bed.

It sometimes took hours. Screaming, hitting, crying, full on tantrums, but every time they left their room, the parent took them silently back to their room and put them back bed and eventually, they exhaust themselves and stay in bed. I used to think it was mean, but now it makes total sense.

I have absolutely no idea if this idea works outside of tv, but maybe it would be worth a shot?

I'm really sorry. That sounds terribly frustrating. I hope whatever you try works for you!

This is what we had to do.  It sounds awful and it was awful.  The first night, we literally put him back in his room over 100 times.  He would scream and cry, "Mommy!!  Mommy, come hold my hand!"  It was terrible.  The second night was almost as bad, but by the fifth night, he stayed in bed.  We did this shortly after having DD.  We were already too sleep deprived with a newborn to deal with any additional loss of sleep caused by DS.  It is hard to do, but better for the entire family.

[LauraMoser]

Jun 26, 2013 7:24:05 GMT -5 panicfoot said:

I'm not a mom yet, so take this fwiw. Have you seen Super Nanny? When toddlers got out of bed, after the bedtime routine, she had mom or dad walk them back to their bed holding their hand and say, "goodnight, I love you" and nothing more. Then every other time, they say absolutely nothing and take them back to bed.

It sometimes took hours. Screaming, hitting, crying, full on tantrums, but every time they left their room, the parent took them silently back to their room and put them back bed and eventually, they exhaust themselves and stay in bed. I used to think it was mean, but now it makes total sense.

I have absolutely no idea if this idea works outside of tv, but maybe it would be worth a shot?

I'm really sorry. That sounds terribly frustrating. I hope whatever you try works for you!

I thought about this same thing last night after she finally fell asleep. I think I'm going to give it a try first.

[LauraMoser]

Jun 26, 2013 7:34:48 GMT -5 suzubell said:

We bribed our oldest with a toy he really wanted. We bought it but he couldn't open it until he went to sleep "by his big boy self." If he whines at bed time, I tell him that's fine, but I'll have to send his toy back to the store. He never lets us stay

I've also used the "I'll come back and lay with you after I brush my teeth/feed the baby/get ready for bed" routine before and he's always sleeping before I get back because I wait a long time.

I've tried to bribe her with small things with no success, but maybe if it were a bigger toy it would actually work.

I've tried the "I'll come back in X time" and its worked about two times, lol.

[LauraMoser]

ErinExpat She totally knows we will give in. I try to hold strong,  but DH easily caves and lets her in our bed, even when I tell him that its not helping to solve the problem.

vanillacourage That is a different approach than what I've been trying. I may have to give that a try.

MixedBerryJam I agree, Sue Sue is wise. I think I will definitely work that angle. Hopefully it will help reinforce to her how serious I am.

tigress No, you're not bad parents! I've had too many nights recently where I've been seriously considering just letting her cosleep with us. The battles at bedtime are out of control. I can't blame you for letting your kid in bed with you. I get it!
 
Thanks everyone for all the input. I'm going to start trying each thing one by one and hopefully one of them will work.