would you hang out with your xh, his gf and your kids at the

[Wrath0fKuus]

That does sound like no fun for any of the adults involved. I wouldn't go.

[alzi]

Nope. I think you came up with a good solution.

[Deleted]

I don't recall the back story that lead to your divorce because my memory sucks.

If he's an asshole ex, no
If he is able to be civil I'd consider it because it would mean a lot to the kid and is only a couple of hours

[eddy]

Well I hate going to the children's museum in ideal circumstances so that would be a big fat no lol.

Having them hang with Sam sounds like a better solution.

[cleo29]

I think it would be nicer hanging at party gatherings, like your examples, first before heading out to the museum together.

I know this is silly, but it annoys me that he seems to need his gf with him all the time, especially on days he is with his kids. I am sure i will get flamed for thinking/feeling this way, but I do. If they were dating much longer, it wouldn't bother me as much, not that it even matters since I don't know him or the gf and it in no way is my business. lol

[kcandbrae]

i would, but i've become very close friends with my ex's gf & we do stuff together all the time.

also, we've been divorced for 5 years and i wasn't always so accommodating (as you probably know. lol)

i think the solution you came up with is good. win win.

[MrsAxilla]

If he was serious about the girlfriend and she might end up my kids' stepmom, I might.

[themysteriouswife]

No. It's his time. Take her on your time.

ETA; sorry that sounds really harsh. I think it is putting all the adults in a bad situation. You are also setting yourself up for negotiations on time. If he wants to X on your day, will he bring this back up?

[Deleted]

I think it shows your kids that its about them vs you/ex. I think thats important.

[fuckyourcouch]

i mean, maybe? because it's more about the kid than you guys. if she reeeeally wanted him to go.
but only you know how comfortable you are with him and his gf, so it's kind of hard for us to comment.

[meganew]

Jun 28, 2013 13:26:33 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

Let him have his weekend. You two can do something special next weekend. Also, he's a douche for insisting that his girlfriend go with. It feels like he's hell bent on "showing you" that he's doing so much better. I wouldn't want to feed into that.

I don't see bringing your gf with you to a day at the museum as douchey, especially if the kids already have a relationship with her.

You could either go and be pleasant, show the kids that you all are a united front- or decline, and tell your kids that its their time to spend with dad and you'll do something fun next week. Either are fine options.

[cleo29]

Jun 28, 2013 13:32:48 GMT -5 meganew said:

Jun 28, 2013 13:26:33 GMT -5 puddleofgrace said:

Let him have his weekend. You two can do something special next weekend. Also, he's a douche for insisting that his girlfriend go with. It feels like he's hell bent on "showing you" that he's doing so much better. I wouldn't want to feed into that.

I don't see bringing your gf with you to a day at the museum as douchey, especially if the kids already have a relationship with her.

You could either go and be pleasant, show the kids that you all are a united front- or decline, and tell your kids that its their time to spend with dad and you'll do something fun next week. Either are fine options.

She seems to be with him all the time, any time he has the kids.

[Bernadine]

Probably not. You know I'm kind of in the gf's position. I see his xw at fss (future stepson? Can I use that abbreviation?) games and practices and stuff. I'll see her tomorrow at a graduation party. I'm fine with seeing her at special events like that, but I don't think we need to hang out with her on our own. It would probably be nice for fss though.

She's also a raging bitch, so I might feel differently if she was as cool as you, lol.

[pedanticwench]

I would try it. But I wouldn't feel obligated to attend any more outings if she turned out to be a right bitch or if it just made me far too uncomfortable.

Let me say this, though--if you're already uncomfortable with the idea, then don't go.

[nomad100]

Is there something special going on at the Museum this Sunday that she HAS to go then or is it that she wants to go then?

Is Sunday XH's day with the kids all day or just in the AM?

It seems like if it is his time, then it should be his time to do what he works out with the kids.

I have to ask (in the least snarky way I can), if Sunday is his day, why would you agree to take E to the Museum?

[snakeoiltanker]

I would not enjoy a day at the museum like the one you have described. I just picture it being awkward, and the kids will pick up on that. The BBQ/family birthday examples seem like a much more natural way to wade into co parenting.

However, I agree with PPs who have said to save this outing for one of your days. Its important to stick to the parenting plan, especially in the beginning. Unless of coarse your willing to be equally flexible if he asks to do something during your time in the future.

Also I'd be really careful about putting the child on the phone to ask her dad about the change in parenting time. It might seem like a natural thing to do, but it can put the kid in a really awkward situation. My stepsons mom did this to us all the time. When it came up in court the judge made a special note of it and said that all communication about the kids had to be between the parents. The child was not to be an intermediary. Sorry for the unsolicited advice. Just something Iv learned along the way.

[karmasabiotch]

I wouldn't.

[snakeoiltanker]

Jun 28, 2013 13:38:05 GMT -5 Bernadine said:

Probably not. You know I'm kind of in the gf's position. I see his xw at fss (future stepson? Can I use that abbreviation?) games and practices and stuff. I'll see her tomorrow at a graduation party. I'm fine with seeing her at special events like that, but I don't think we need to hang out with her on our own. It would probably be nice for fss though.

She's also a raging bitch, so I might feel differently if she was as cool as you, lol.

This is where I'm at ( I'm also the stepmom, though H and BM were never really in a relaitionship ).

Graduations, christmas plays, and sporting events are great! We can all stand side by side and cheer the little guy on. He looks out at us and sees a united family all together and focusing on him. He loves it, and I love that we can come together and surround him with all that
support.
One on one events are another matter. BM is really nice when she's sober, but she's crazy when she drinks. So we've learned what activities are ok for us all to do together. A soccer game is great, but going Trick or Treating together was a mess. If alcohol might be involved we keep our distance. Stick to the parenting plan and make sure our little guy is never in a situation where he might see any craziness.