I think your H and his coworker were very nice, but from your follow ups it's not just about this time. You need to have a conversation with your H about how you feel things are unequal (but make sure he knows you appreciate his nice gesture.
It's not fair that her husband spends willy-nilly while criticizing her every move, and this impromptu shelling out of $200 is yet another thoughtless act of spending on his part.
I don't see this as "nice" of him at all, in light of the later information provided.
She has to watch every penny, while he does whatever the fuck he wants.
That's not fair.
And the paying of $200 for a camera that he could've gotten for free was another such move.
Post by Bree Van de Kamp on Jul 5, 2013 16:38:16 GMT -5
Your husband did a sweet thing...
but you're upset about something entirely different. There is obviously a conversation that needs to happen between you two, but I certainly wouldn't use his gesture as the conversation starter.
I can see where you are coming from. My ex was always extremely generous with buying things, and always tried to make me happy by buying me things he knew I wanted. On the face of it, that was very sweet and I did know that it came from a good place. What he never understood, though, was that I want a lot of things and high on that list was financial security. Buying me things that prevented us from reaching other goals that were more important to me never could make me happy, because even with all this stuff he bought me I never got what I wanted most (to feel secure and not to be anxious about how we were going to pay the credit card off at the end of the month). I always felt like a dick complaining about the nice things he bought me, but he was kind of a dick for spending money that I didn't want to spend.
In this particular instance, I'd probably not complain since he did work very hard to get it for free and his heart was in the right place. But I think having a conversation about spending (and in particular about the unfair income distribution issue!) would be a great idea. I hope he's just clueless that you're feeling this way about his spending and will come around.
It's not fair that her husband spends willy-nilly while criticizing her every move, and this impromptu shelling out of $200 is yet another thoughtless act of spending on his part.
I don't see this as "nice" of him at all, in light of the later information provided.
She has to watch every penny, while he does whatever the fuck he wants.
That's not fair.
And the paying of $200 for a camera that he could've gotten for free was another such move.
I never said the way things were was fair or that they should stay that way. Just that bringing in the camera will just make him even more defensive and it harder for her to have a productive conversation about the real issue which is his irresponsible spending. Bring up the camera and the convo will devolve into a "I was doing something nice why don't you appreciate it/me" "it wasn't nice because it stressed me out about the money" BS and nothing will improve. Keep it on point and discuss the issue of his spending not what was intended (even if it was idiotic) to be a nice gesture.
I also have a super sweet husband who would've felt funny taking the camera for free and would've offered to pay something for it as well. So I may be being overly lenient on that part.
I think I'm just annoyed because I feel like I have to run every purchase by H. We have joint accounts, all money goes into it and H pays the bills. I'm working 2 jobs and putting all of my child support into these accounts and trying to pay off debt and save for our house. H makes more than me and just buys whatever he wants. He wants new sneakers, go do it. He wants to go out to dinner, let's go. He wants to go to the beach, we go. But I go into target and spend $40 and he complains about my spending because we're supposed to be saving. Even though what he did today was very sweet and entirely for me, I just wish that I felt like an equal in the money matters.
Completely different issue. You guys need to have a serious talk and get on the same page regarding the budget. Perhaps after the glow of him getting the camera. Since that in itself was a nice gesture. But this division of how financials are handled I would not be cool with. Equal partners..yadda yadda.
I always love when more information comes out after people aren't appropriately sympathetic to the OP.
I wasn't looking for any sympathy in the first place. The thread title itself is saying that I feel like a bitch. I was just explaining why I was upset about it and not just falling over at my new camera.
It's not fair that her husband spends willy-nilly while criticizing her every move, and this impromptu shelling out of $200 is yet another thoughtless act of spending on his part.
I don't see this as "nice" of him at all, in light of the later information provided.
She has to watch every penny, while he does whatever the fuck he wants.
That's not fair.
And the paying of $200 for a camera that he could've gotten for free was another such move.
I never said the way things were was fair or that they should stay that way. Just that bringing in the camera will just make him even more defensive and it harder for her to have a productive conversation about the real issue which is his irresponsible spending. Bring up the camera and the convo will devolve into a "I was doing something nice why don't you appreciate it/me" "it wasn't nice because it stressed me out about the money" BS and nothing will improve. Keep it on point and discuss the issue of his spending not what was intended (even if it was idiotic) to be a nice gesture.
I also have a super sweet husband who would've felt funny taking the camera for free and would've offered to pay something for it as well. So I may be being overly lenient on that part.
Eh.
I guess I just don't get it. I think it is completely relevant.
And neither my husband nor I would ever pass up "free."
I guess it's good that neither of us is "super sweet." It makes it so much easier to hoard our money.
It's not fair that her husband spends willy-nilly while criticizing her every move, and this impromptu shelling out of $200 is yet another thoughtless act of spending on his part.
I don't see this as "nice" of him at all, in light of the later information provided.
She has to watch every penny, while he does whatever the fuck he wants.
That's not fair.
And the paying of $200 for a camera that he could've gotten for free was another such move.
Well no shit, but all this information came out later in the thread.
It's not fair that her husband spends willy-nilly while criticizing her every move, and this impromptu shelling out of $200 is yet another thoughtless act of spending on his part.
I don't see this as "nice" of him at all, in light of the later information provided.
She has to watch every penny, while he does whatever the fuck he wants.
That's not fair.
And the paying of $200 for a camera that he could've gotten for free was another such move.
Well no shit, but all this information came out later in the thread.
That other poster posted what she posted after such information came out, and she still said that the original poster should be grateful to her spendthrift husband.
I don't think these are separate issues either. Just because his splurge was for her doesn't negate that it was another outlay of money by him without consulting her.
I get your frustration OP.
I am in agreement with this.
I don't get why it is OK for him to spend $200 on a camera, regardless if it is a gift or not, knowing that money is tight. Should she appreciate the gesture, yes, but she doesn't have to be happy about the fact that he spent $200 on it (especially after the co-worker offered it for free).