(NCEPR, loss related) Anxiety re: first follow-up appt

[redheadbaker]

My first follow-up with the OB/GYN after the D&E is this coming Thursday. I'm already incredibly anxious about it. My chest tightens up just thinking about it. The office is inside the hospital where the loss occurred. 

The first few weeks afterwards, I couldn't drive past the hospital (it's on my shortest route to work). 

I went to a dog-training class in a park off the same highway exit (but in the opposite direction) and broke down in tears going down the exit ramp, even though I knew I wasn't going to the hospital. 

I think if I so much as step foot in the parking garage, I'm going to throw up. 

I don't really know my point in posting this. I don't want to take a Xanax or anything before the appointment because it puts me too "out of it," and I want to be able to pay attention and understand what is said. 

[ttt]

I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

Is there someone who can come with you for support?

[redheadbaker]

Jul 5, 2013 18:43:20 GMT -5 ttt said:

I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

Is there someone who can come with you for support?

My fiance is coming with me.

[AllieHound]

Can your SO go with you? Possibly attempt to "desensitize" yourself in the upcoming week? On Monday, drive past the hospital on your way to work (give yourself extra time to compose yourself if you need it). Tuesday maybe drive through the parking lot; Wednesday park and walk to the door, Thursday maybe those parts might not be so bad, possibly?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know if it's a possibility to talk to your OB or GP about it; I know I've had Ativan before that makes me less anxious but doesn't give me the same out of it feeling that Xanax does?

Again, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this

[redheadbaker]

I'm back on my normal route to work (it's a long commute as it is, and taking the longer way was eating too much gas), so I can handle that.

I'll be talking to them about my depression and anxiety at the appointment. I feel like all I think about/worry about now is death. What if something happened to DS at daycare? What if something happens to S.O. on his way home from work? etc.

[EloiseWeenie]

I have no advice, but offer hugs ((redheadbaker))

[chickadee77]

(((hugs))) I've had two losses (though not at all your same situation, of course), and had pretty bad anxiety after both. It did subside after about a month or so each time, but you are wise to discuss it with your doctor.

I'm glad you have someone to be there with you - that was my main source of comfort; having H with me. I mean, like all the time. It was so weird and out of character for me.

Just, more (((hugs))) to you. You can do this.

[debatethis]

Jul 5, 2013 19:23:53 GMT -5 chickadee77 said:

(((hugs))) I've had two losses (though not at all your same situation, of course), and had pretty bad anxiety after both. It did subside after about a month or so each time, but you are wise to discuss it with your doctor.

I'm glad you have someone to be there with you - that was my main source of comfort; having H with me. I mean, like all the time. It was so weird and out of character for me.

Just, more (((hugs))) to you. You can do this.

Ditto all of this. I still have issues going into the hospital and OB/MW offices, over a year later. Be gentle on yourself, and definitely mention it to your OB. It could be part of the post pregnancy hormone crash but you shouldn't have to be miserable or panicked about everything.

Deep breaths and on step at a time.

[pescalita]

I freaked out going back to the maternity ward of my hosp 9 months later, long after i had my baby home healthy just because I didn't leave THAT hospital with him. It's totally normal to be anxious. Definitely talk to someone, and I'm glad your SO can come, but don't feel bad about the way you feel.

Big hugs. You can do this, too.

[MrsAxilla]

I'm sorry. I'm glad your SO is going with you. My advice is fuck being out of it and take a Xanxax. Your doc will totally understand.

[somersault72]

I'm so sorry. Anxiety is awful enough without all the other emotions you have going on right now. I'll be thinking of you.

[soontobeka]

Jul 5, 2013 18:54:27 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

I'm back on my normal route to work (it's a long commute as it is, and taking the longer way was eating too much gas), so I can handle that.

I'll be talking to them about my depression and anxiety at the appointment. I feel like all I think about/worry about now is death. What if something happened to DS at daycare? What if something happens to S.O. on his way home from work? etc.

I HATE that you are going through this. I remember being at that point after Cam died. 

I don't want to even tell you this but I want to be honest with you. The anxiety over death does not go away, at least in my case. It may lessen but I still get very anxious if DH is 10 minutes late getting home. Almost 4 years later, I still get up in the middle of the night to see if B (and now Em) are still breathing. I have even scared the shit out of both of them because they breathe so shallow when they sleep I have ended up shaking them at times because it looked like they weren't moving. 

If there is anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to PM me. Take care.

[pescalita]

Jul 5, 2013 21:37:30 GMT -5 MrsAxilla said:

I'm sorry. I'm glad your SO is going with you. My advice is fuck being out of it and take a Xanxax. Your doc will totally understand.

Also, besides moral support, your SO can be the lucid one to take in all the info if you need Xanax.

[mrsukyankee]

I would definitely talk to them about getting into therapy at some point. This level of anxiety is not healthy and you can start to reinforce it in various ways, which may make it grow or generalise to other situations. Anxiety is well treated by cognitive behavioural therapy.

[redheadbaker]

Jul 6, 2013 6:06:48 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

I'm so sorry about this. I may have missed if you mentioned above, are you in therapy for this? I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.

I am not in therapy currently, but not opposed to the idea.

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

[Velar Fricative]

Hugs, RHB.

[secretlyevil]

Lots of hugs RHB.

[taratru]

Big hugs, redhead. I hope you can work through this.

[debatethis]

Jul 6, 2013 7:14:41 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

Jul 6, 2013 6:06:48 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

I'm so sorry about this. I may have missed if you mentioned above, are you in therapy for this? I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.

I am not in therapy currently, but not opposed to the idea.

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

Your hospital or your OB might have a perinatal loss support group or counselors they can put you in touch with. Having a counselor who was familiar with all of the infertility and loss emotions was incredibly helpful for me.

[redheadbaker]

Jul 6, 2013 11:27:27 GMT -5 debatethis said:

Jul 6, 2013 7:14:41 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

I am not in therapy currently, but not opposed to the idea.

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

Your hospital or your OB might have a perinatal loss support group or counselors they can put you in touch with. Having a counselor who was familiar with all of the infertility and loss emotions was incredibly helpful for me.

I know a "team" from the hospital's Family Planning and Pregnancy Loss Center came to see me in the ICU. I vaguely remember them saying something about a counseling center at the hospital. I'll ask about it at my appointment.

They gave us resources for support groups, and we found one that meets nearby on a weekend. 

[elleblue]

No advice but I wanted to offer my support. {{{redheadbaker}}}