Next weekend is going to suck balls

[saraandmichael]

you can come down here for a visit with her if you'd like.

[Stingyshark]

We have lived In our house for 3 years & I have no friends that don't live at least an hour away. Its just me and the dogs when DH travels. So boring. Making friends is hard.

I'm scared for when this kid comes and I'm home alone for a week at a time.

Sent from my HTC One X using proboards

[wrathofkuus]

Pack the baby in hus suitcase. Surprise!

[candreco]

I hate weekends where I'm always on- get out of the house and run errands, make a list of activities to do at home (sprinkler time, cleaning time and give her a washcloth or something to "clean" with you, coloring, etc.), easy food/takeout, etc. Wine and Netflix for when she's in bed.

And think about what other things you want to do by yourself when your H gets home so you're ready with specific requests.

[speckledfrog]

Jul 6, 2013 11:33:04 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Well, I am having my massage and pedicure the following Saturday. But it's not a whole weekend of fun and no responsibilities like he is getting.

Oh Tamb.  Stop that.  Life isn't 50/50 and saying "No fair!" isn't going to make your life any easier.  It certainly won't make the weekend any easier.

When MH is OOT it's usually for a week, so I plan at least one dinner out and one lunch out to break things up.  I also try to get out of the house once a day because it helps break up the monotony.  Park/mall play place/pool/Target/etc in the morning, lunch, nap and the day is already halfway done.  Plan something easy for dinner if you aren't going out and then all you have to do it make it to bedtime.    If you start feeling cabin fever get out and take a walk.  Even if it's 95 degrees, a quick 10 min trip around the block will help reset things.  Or give her an extra bath.  That can buy me 15-30 minutes.  It'll go quick and then it will be over with.  GL.

[Booze Raccoon]

You can do it!!!

I manage a 3 year old all on my own.  My family on both sides are no help and my husband is ... well, that's a post for another day.  Let's just say I'm a single parent.

It's hard but you've got a light at the end of the tunnel.  

[lsea0323]

I'm only 2 hours away! Come to the beach anytime!

[RoxMonster]

I don't have kids but it is hard to make friends as adults, I feel like. H and I live 2.5 hours away from our families and all our close friends from college/HS/past jobs. I would say we have 3 good friends where we live now but they are busy and hard to meet up with. Days like today where H is working, I get lonely and often run out of things to do. I have a dog but she is so reactive on leash, that it would not be enjoyable for me to take her out in public with me alone lol.

What about taking part of next weekend to plan a future weekend getaway for yourself? I always find it enjoyable to plan for future trips and then you have something really fun to look forward to. Plus you'll get that relaxing weekend away with no responsibilities that you envy.

[thedahliharpa]

The anticipation is always worse than being in it. Loosely plan a few things you want to do but don't stress if you end up hanging around the house. It will pass faster than you expect and when J is down for the night the house will be ALL yours.

[snickers]

I hope it isn't as bad as you are thinking. Is there something fun you have been wanting to do with Joanna that you could do?

[saraandmichael]

i have been thinking about this post since i responded in it earlier. i'm about to get all ml therapist on you, so try not to roll your eyes too hard.

your attitude of 'its not fair' regarding your husband being out of town being greater than your spa day is really detrimental in three ways. first to your marriage, because keeping score is a recipe for disaster. and that goes for any relationship.

second to yourself. if you are measuring the things that make you happy in your life by the things other people do in their lives to make them happy you are going to forever feel unsatisfied. something that makes your husband happy happens to cover a span of a couple of days. something that makes you happy happens to last a span of a few hours. and instead of being excited about it and enjoying it, you are focusing on how it is somehow less of a treat because its not as much as what someone else got. so now not only is what you have "less" than theirs, but the joy of it is diminished.

third to joanna. and i am sure it sounds trite, but kids pick up on this shit. perhaps not at her age, but eventually. and she will pick up on the tit for tat and thats just not the way life works. plus, she will feel the tension thats inevitably going on between you two.

i know how hard it is to work your ass off during the week and want some time to relax on the weekends. i remember one particular summer (it was 2002) and i was living with my mom and stepdad. they helped me out so much with noah and had left for six weeks over the summer to stay at their cabin in tennessee. it was also my second to last semester before graduating from college and i was taking 15 hours over 10 weeks, working all day on friday (my only day off from school) and then 40 hours/week at work when the semester ended. my dad would pick noah up from daycare and i'd get him around 9pm when i got back from school after having left at 6:30 in the morning to get to class. it was exhausting. and i just wanted some time to myself to relax, but nobody to help me on the weekends (and i didn't want to ask my dad to help since he was picking up my slack from being at school all day monday-thursday).

i remember crying about the stress to my sister and her giving me the tough love talk about this being the reality if being a parent. that rest and relaxation come in small doses and that i need to have fun with noah while he's still little and silly because he had already grown so quickly and that it wasn't going to slow down. and she was right. so i would just create dumb stuff for us to do to have fun and make the days pass faster. i didn't have friends to hang out with either, so it was all me figuring it out. we'd sit outside and play or walk and jump in rain puddles if it wasn't thundering and lightning out. we'd go to the mall so he could play on the playground or take a trip in the car to nowhere just to give is a change of scenery and a chance to get out of the house.

all of this long stuff to say that things are what you make of them. and your weekend next weekend can be filled with you feeling resentful that your husband is off having no responsibilities while you are stuck taking care of joanna all alone without any relief, or it can be a fun mommy and joanna weekend where you do whatever you want whenever you want and get to spend some quality time alone with her before she grows up.

[tdk2]

So, saraandmichael has some good points there.

However, you are allowed to have a little vent/whine on here FOR SURE b/c it's better to do it here than IRL.  I do it sometimes even though I know my h is working his ever loving ass off. 


So, on the note of a weekend alone.  I spend a LOT of time alone w/ C, esp this time of year.   It's up to you how busy you want to keep yourself, and just keep your plans loose so you can change if you 2 are tired.  I try not to have any things that I'll be heartbroken if we don't do.  Make things easier on yourself and have some easy meals handy and maybe pre cut some stuff before your h leaves that you can take on the go with J.  (I do little rubbermaids of sliced grapes, tiny cheese chunks, tiny ham chunks, bagels, baggies of cheerios, baggies of cheesey bunnies or oreos, frozen tubes of chobani yogurt, blueberries, strawberry chunks, melon slices or chunks, etc etc.)

Next, make some little brainstorm lists this coming week of things you'd like to do possibly.  I actually mentally keep this runnign all the time, though I do try to write a list on and off so I remember to do some of the fun stuff over the summer.  I'd write down some indoor and some outdoor activities, so not weather dependent.

ALl this is overkill for one weekend, seriously, but just a few thoughts b/c it's kind of how I do stuff w/ C.  Your ideas don't have to be big whatsoever.   Taking her to a coffee shop - chain or not chain (C has so much fun acting like a big kid), go to a cupcake shop (I got a carrot one under the guise of being quasi-healthy and let her have some pieces.  She LOVED it), libraries w/ kid play areas - see if there's any chatter among your friends or on area mom boards about great libraries.  Local gardens or schools.  Science center (C was a little young for that, but we still found tons to do for fun), live bands and festivals playing.  Acoustic band sessions.  Check the local metro parent kind of publications or any of those about town kind of things.  I don't just look at parent listings, I look at whatever.  There's very little you can't bring a kid to, even if it's not advertised to kids (some of our libraries had music sessions at them).   Art exhibits, art museum.  zoo, AQUARIUM if you have one! (I'm dying to take C to one, but we don't have any big ones here.  We've hit the small ones), gardens, playgrounds (esp if you know of some w/ shade), and of course your awesome kiddie pool.  Botanical gardens are fun too. You can work on "wave to the plants, smell them, don't pick"  C and I work on that a LOT lol.


Currently, festivals, big or small are an easy thing to do.   The smaller ones are actually a little easier with a kiddo.


I also try to have some activities stored away that she doesn't usually see, and I pull them out if we had a busy day and I just need a break in the evening.  One time, I bought posterboard with balloons and confetti on it and some foam alphabet stickers from Staples. I hung it up w/ 3M adhesive while she was napping. OMG, when she came downstairs, she was over the moon.  She had food first, and then I think we spent about 2 -3 hours that evening alone putting stickers on.  I sat across the room w/ the stickers, handed her one letter at a time and she'd trot over to put it on, then come back for the next.   She took a little directing at first, but did SO well with it.  She figured out ways to keep the adhesive on one finger so she could put it on easily, etc.   Then we put some sparkly stickers on.   I think i spent $5 on materials and still have a ton of those letters to pull out at a future date.   Melissa and Doug peel and stick boards were neat for that.   A stacker she hadn't seen was a fun puzzle for her.  Or a puzzle she hasn't seen yet.    Those were my evenings when i needed some quiet or didnt' have the car.  (and still are).


Anyway, just thoughts for you.   My kid and I have a lot of adventures all by ourselves.  I have friends, but honestly, coordinating w/ everyone is too hard sometimes. I usually just let a bunch of people know that I plan to do XX around XX time on XX date, does anyone want to join?  Sometimes I have friends who do, other times, we go solo.  You can make it kind of a fun adventure weekend for the 2 of you.   I LOVE when dh is around to join or when I have other friends join, but honestly, I also love that she and I do so many cool things together.  I'm often exhausted, but it is SO worth it. 

Funny, DotAndBuzz and I were just talking on the phone and she was reassuring me that if we end up in a less diverse school district than I'd like, that my kid still has a million adventures and experiences. That was so nice of her to say, b/c some times I feel like I've slacked a lot this year and I worry I might not do enough when there's 2 to haul.

Let me know if you want more ideas if you stall out when looking for fun stuff. YOu can also pm me your area and if I"m bored tonight after she and I do our post-nap fun thing and I put her to bed, I can prob look for some current events.  (she and I go to a lot of free radio events and shows they put on by bands.  She's met a lot of bands).   This time of year, there are almost TOO many things to do in a weekend, I can't hit them all.  Last weekend, we even stopped by outside a festival that we would have had to pay for.  She ate some yogurt frozen tubes and we listened to music for 20 min or so and then went on our merry way. If you're driving along and see random musicians/drummers/whatnot outside a coffee shop, stop and grab a drink and listen.  C LOVES when I get her a restaurant or coffee shop's cup, fill w/ water and put a tiny bit of orange juice in so it changes color and give her a straw.  She thinks she's so damn cool then.  Stuff like that. It'll give you immense joy and you'll take a million pics w/ your phone as you're watching her experience new things w/ you.  

I get lonely and sometimes bored, but honestly, I have so much fun with her most of the time, esp when we get out of the house.

[speckledfrog]

I'll add that I don't think you need to try do a million fun things during your weekend if it doesn't sound like fun to you. I try to take it as easy as I can while also filling my day, if that makes sense. I'm not busting out the pinterest projects while I'm on 24/7. I'm tossing a bucket full of tupperware containers his way and calling it awesome. Seriously, a 45 minute walk around Target with a container of puffs is sometimes just what the doctor ordered. Also, saraandmichael expressed exactly what I was thinking. If you think it will suck and are looking for reasons to prove it sucked you will absolutely find them. If you say that you are going to get through it because that's what grown ups do then you'll get through it.

[tdk2]

Jul 6, 2013 15:26:17 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I'll add that I don't think you need to try do a million fun things during your weekend if it doesn't sound like fun to you. I try to take it as easy as I can while also filling my day, if that makes sense. I'm not busting out the pinterest projects while I'm on 24/7. I'm tossing a bucket full of tupperware containers his way and calling it awesome. Seriously, a 45 minute walk around Target with a container of puffs is sometimes just what the doctor ordered. Also, saraandmichael expressed exactly what I was thinking. If you think it will suck and are looking for reasons to prove it sucked you will absolutely find them. If you say that you are going to get through it because that's what grown ups do then you'll get through it.

Yes, exactly.   I'd brainstorm ideas so you have them handy and don't feel like you just sat around if you WANTED to do something, but leave yourself flexible enough to change plans based upon what you guys are doing, what you feel like doing. 

One note - if J ever gets cranky, she seems so smiley all the time - mine sometimes is a mini-2-yr-old in the morning where I think, "OMG do I REALLY want to take this child out in public?"  But when I do, she has a BLAST.   Also, little things like letting her pay for something by handing over money, taking receipts, putting stuff in the cart, etc all make my kid's day.   Shopping may take longer, so I mainly do this when I am not in a rush and plan it all to take extra time, but she does love feeling like a big person.

Honestly, if this wasn't my life nearly every day with her, I'd look forward to doing some super fun mom/daughter weekend w/ her.  

Lol, when I wasn't pregnant, I'd often call in an order to a nice restaurant, walk her there (or just stroller around the block for a bit if you had to drive there).  Sit at an outside patio w/ her in a stroller w/ some snacks and a glass of water or whatever and I'd order a glass of wine while I waited for my to go food to be ready. (my parents taught my kid to "cheers" when she was 9 months old, so she likes social drinking lol)   It's kind of fun moments I treasure. It doesn't have to be all  big events.  Just stuff that makes it kind of special. 

[DotAndBuzz]

No, it isn't going to suck. It will be exhausting, but if you decide that you're going to get out and do stuff, it will be ok. Tiring, and a lot of work, but ok. However, if you decide to be pist the entire weekend that he's away having fun, and you're "stuck at home," then yes, it is going to massively suck, and everything is going to be a lot harder. Seriously. Whining and venting is one thing, because goodness knows we all need to do that, but when it comes time to actually do it, and live it, attitude makes a big difference in how it goes. I swear kids pick up on that, and when I'm irritable and in a bad mood, my kids are too, and we just all have a shitty day together.


saraandmichael made a lot of good points, and tdk2 gave TONS of great ideas to get out of the house (seriously, she's kind of my idol when it comes to finding kids activities).

It is definitely hard to be alone w/ a kid for a weekend or longer. I've done it, and it isn't easy, and it is definitely harder when you don't have friends or a great support network nearby/ready to go. But I promise that the more you get out there, the easier it will get. You can do this.

[tdk2]

Oh and pre-buy your wine or evening beverages of choice. Makes it easier to not have to remember one more stop during the day.



I have taken kiddo into liquor stores. And tied my dog outside while we went in. lol. Mother of the year in da house.

[tdk2]

awww DotAndBuzz - you're too kind. However, it's prob b/c I post a RIDICULOUS # of pics on FB b/c we have no relatives in town and I get hassled if I miss a day haha. I'm actually backlogged where I miss a few weeks of activities and don't bother to ever post them. Even the 90 yr old relatives make their kids get on FB so they can see what little C was up to for the day lol.

I whine about how exhausted I am sometimes, but man, I have a lot of fun w/ her so it's worth it. Not sure how it works with 2 though...