Am I expecting too much

[iamgrace]

Of my 2 year old?  He's 28 months. 

You know what would be fucking magical?  If I asked him to do something and it happened.

He is not a bad kid at all( most people comment on his awesome behaviour), but has some serious selective hearing issues. He understands everything we say. That's not the issue. He just picks and chooses what he will listen to. 

I want to be able to say"let's go inside" without a total meltdown. Is this too much to ask at this age?

[eb777888]

Hmmmmmm. IDK. David is 4.5 and we still have these issues. I thought it was getting better with age but come to think of it, maybe not. He's in his own little world and holy jesus, does he take his sweet time when I'm in a hurry.

[margotmacomber]

DD is 3 and sometimes going inside results in a meltdown.  

[iamgrace]

Jul 7, 2013 18:29:15 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Aw, he's becoming a man.

Lol

[ElizabethBennet]

Do you give him warnings when a transition is coming up? I've started telling D that we have 5 minutes left of x and then we'll do y. I make her look at my hand and show her the 5 and make sure she says "okay mommy".

Obviously, she has no clue about time BUT it does let her know that a change is coming up soon and most of the time it really helps with the tantrums.

[sonrisa]

Some things that have occasionally helped my meltdown loving child:

1) "Look at mommy. No, stop and look at mommy. No, stop. No, look at me." then I make the request close to her face and at eye level.

2) "We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we are going inside." Very serious face. For some reason (I don't understand it) this sometimes stops her mid-meltdown, she stands up and does what I asked. It's weird and eerie.

[circa1978]

Lol to Tamb. Mine is about the same age and only follows requests without a struggle when it is pretty much something he wanted to do anyway. He loves to throw himself to the floor in protest and I've grown to love walking from the room when he does and informing him he can come find me when he's ready to act like a civil person.

[bab]

Jul 7, 2013 18:28:04 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Hmmmmmm. IDK. David is 4.5 and we still have these issues. I thought it was getting better with age but come to think of it, maybe not. He's in his own little world and holy jesus, does he take his sweet time when I'm in a hurry.

He may need a little notice before transitioning.  Have you tried giving him a few warnings before switching activities?  For example, you can say "10 more minutes then we go in for lunch" (or whatever you are going to do next).  Then let him know at the 5 minute mark and one last reminder at one minute. 
No guarantees but it might help.  This is something that works for us.  DD still has a hard time with certain transitions and does much better if we give her time. 

[eb777888]

Jul 7, 2013 18:30:22 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

Do you give him warnings when a transition is coming up? I've started telling D that we have 5 minutes left of x and then we'll do y. I make her look at my hand and show her the 5 and make sure she says "okay mommy".

Obviously, she has no clue about time BUT it does let her know that a change is coming up soon and most of the time it really helps with the tantrums.

OMG, yes. This was a huge realization for us.

[snipsnsnails]

Aww, sorry, Grace. It's a rough time for your little man. So many changes and he didn't even havemonths to prep. V was insane for a good 3 months and then chilled out to normal again. Selective hearing still but at least they're cute! Ha!

[cereal K]

C not great at it, but I agree with the warning statement. Once we started doing that, she would comply more often. We mirror some of the language on Daniel Tiger (PBS) because that resonates with her: pick on more thing to do, then it's time for X...

Or, I ask her to help put whatever she's playing with away before doing X. That seems to help her have closure.

[MixedBerryJam]

Jul 7, 2013 18:36:03 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Jul 7, 2013 18:30:22 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

Do you give him warnings when a transition is coming up? I've started telling D that we have 5 minutes left of x and then we'll do y. I make her look at my hand and show her the 5 and make sure she says "okay mommy".

Obviously, she has no clue about time BUT it does let her know that a change is coming up soon and most of the time it really helps with the tantrums.

OMG, yes. This was a huge realization for us.

I still use the five minute warning, and my kids are 15 and 16. If you have not started with the five minute warning, do so. It will prove miraculous. (Use a timer sometimes, too ... "Okay, hon, in five minutes when the timer dings we have to do xyz activity.") but honestly, it wasn't the length of time that worked, it was the general heads-up so they weren't taken by surprise.

[eddy]

Warning of transition helps soooo much.

[eb777888]

Jul 7, 2013 18:32:54 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Some things that have occasionally helped my meltdown loving child:

1) "Look at mommy. No, stop and look at mommy. No, stop. No, look at me." then I make the request close to her face and at eye level.

2) "We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we are going inside." Very serious face. For some reason (I don't understand it) this sometimes stops her mid-meltdown, she stands up and does what I asked. It's weird and eerie.

LOL! Half of my day is counting to three and saying "do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?" I thought that was all mine. It cracks me up that other parents say this.

I think the biggest problem with a 4.5 y.o is dragging ass, which is a little different than your situation. I do think the warnings will help you out. I start at 15 minutes if I can.

[iamgrace]

I do give warning- sometimes it works, sometimes not.

Meltdown to me is a full on screaming flailing snot running tantrum. Brutal.

[kellina]

Have you tried asking once, then counting 1-2-3.... then time out if they don't listen? It's the only thing working for my LO. Kid is HARD headed.

I just have to make sure to actually follow through on the T.O. or it doesn't work. I think 2.5-3 is the toughest! Hang in there!

[sonrisa]

Jul 7, 2013 18:49:41 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

I do give warning- sometimes it works, sometimes not.

Meltdown to me is a full on screaming flailing snot running tantrum. Brutal.

Yep. That's her specialty. On the floor writhing, limbs flailing, earsplitting screams. And still, she will sometimes stop at "we can do this the hard or easy way." That's why it seems so weird and eerie when it works :-) The hard way involves me bodily carrying a flailing toddler out of the building. I usually get kicked in the stomach a few times. 

Obviously, my best chance is when she's taking breath so she can hear me.

[sonrisa]

We also do 1-2-3 Magic for time outs. That works well for things that don't reach tantrum level. That made a huge difference.

[jreeds]

Jul 7, 2013 18:26:38 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Of my 2 year old?  He's 28 months. 

You know what would be fucking magical?  If I asked him to do something and it happened.

He is not a bad kid at all( most people comment on his awesome behaviour), but has some serious selective hearing issues. He understands everything we say. That's not the issue. He just picks and chooses what he will listen to. 

I want to be able to say"let's go inside" without a total meltdown. Is this too much to ask at this age?

DS is the same and about the same age. I actually had the Dr check his ears at his last appointment because he just does not acknowledge anything we say sometimes.

[ElizabethBennet]

I've started taking things away if her tantrums are out of control. The kid LOVES The Wiggles, and all I have to say is "no wiggles today if this continues" and 9 times out of 10 it works. This is a punishment for me too because I like the break, but sometimes I have to bring out the big guns lol.