s/o College kids coming back

[wambam]

I've talked about this with a few friends and was fairly shocked by their answers. When your kid goes off to college and lives on campus or in an apartment, are you okay with them coming back for summers and long breaks like between semesters? Or are they completely on their own? 

[runforrest]

I hope they want to come home during breaks and the summer! Of course, I will expect them to work during the summer or have some sort of internship, like I had to when I was in college, but I don't expect them to just be on their own.

[Deleted]

uh, i would like them to come back if they're coming back to work (over the summer) and not just to loaf around like a buttmunch. at least the first couple years. i didn't come back every break for the full break, but it was nice to be with my family again.

[crazycakes]

My DD is not college age yet, but when I was a student I lived in the dorms my freshman year and lived at home the summer afterwards (the dorms closed so I couldn't have stayed on campus even if I wanted to). I usually would stay with my parents for a week or two over Christmas as well. After freshman year I lived off campus so I was able to stay over breaks and would generally just go home for the holidays or a weekend here and there. I was working at that point as well, so I didn't go home as often due to my work schedule.

[nsl]

I think I'd be really upset if my college-aged kids didn't want to spend at least some of their vacations at home with us. For kids who are working to pay for the next year's tuition or have some kind of internship/summer classes, though, it's understandable.

[Deleted]

What's the alternative, particularly if they live in a dorm during the year? If they're coming home to your town, they have to rent an apartment for three months over the summer? Or stay in a hotel over Christmas break because the dorms are closed?  That would be bizarre to me.

[ssmjlm]

Yes I would expect them to come back for holiday breaks. I know breaks like fall and spring they may want to stay on campus or go on a trip.

Summers are up to them depending on work/internships. I went home in the summer bc my parents were close to DC where I interned in the summer.

[wambam]

Jul 8, 2013 9:34:08 GMT -5 v said:

What's the alternative, particularly if they live in a dorm during the year? If they're coming home to your town, they have to rent an apartment for three months over the summer? Or stay in a hotel over Christmas break because the dorms are closed?  That would be bizarre to me.

Some of the people I've talked to *cough* on another board *cough* thought that a "more permanent living situation" needed to happen and they had a really hands off attitude like "you're on your own."

I agree with you. My dorm closed during the summer and if you were there over the holidays, there was no cafeteria open so you had to live on microwavable meals lol. 

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 8, 2013 9:28:41 GMT -5 wambam said:

I've talked about this with a few friends and was fairly shocked by their answers. When your kid goes off to college and lives on campus or in an apartment, are you okay with them coming back for summers and long breaks like between semesters? Or are they completely on their own? 

Of course, but I would expect them to get a job or take summer classes, not just loaf around the house. 

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 8, 2013 9:34:08 GMT -5 v said:

What's the alternative, particularly if they live in a dorm during the year? If they're coming home to your town, they have to rent an apartment for three months over the summer? Or stay in a hotel over Christmas break because the dorms are closed?  That would be bizarre to me.

I sublet over the summer or I rented an apartment for the year. 

[lightbulbsun]

The dorms at my college were closed for winter and spring break. I guess the alternative to going home would have been staying in a hotel? That would be weird.

I would think it's weird if parents didn't let their kids come home.

[speckledfrog]

They are more than welcome to come back for the summer.

[sergey]

I spent my first two summers back at my parent's house. I didn't work during the school year so I made the next year's spending money over the summer and wouldn't have been able to do that if I was also paying rent. I'd rather my kids not come back after graduation because I hope they have good jobs out of school but I think summers are different and would offer a place to stay for free.

[Deleted]

Either way, they must be working full time, and preferably in their field. IMO, high school summers are for lifeguarding and waiting tables, college is for more career-minded preparation.

If they live on campus, moving home is fine with me. If they have an off campus apartment, that is also fine, but they must have taken care of an arrangement for subletting, or worked out a lease agreement or something. I'll be happy to assist with those arrangements, but I think its an important experience to take responsibility for the apartment year round, not just duirng the school year.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2013 9:43:19 GMT -5 @missusbee said:

Either way, they must be working full time, and preferably in their field. IMO, high school summers are for lifeguarding and waiting tables, college is for more career-minded preparation.

i know that i'm not your kid, but this is so stressing me out.  lol.  i worked as a lifeguard and at the gym in the summer.  i majored in english and art.  my "field" was looking at pretty stuff and reading well-written stuff.  i would've died trying to get a job in my parents' suburban DC town in my "field."  plus, i HAD to earn $$ for school/spending money.

[Deleted]

Yes. I came home in the for Summers between Freshman and Sophmore and Sophmore and Junior. I worked at camps ( in art, I was a painting major) near my parent's house.

I stayed on campus between Junior and Senior year and worked for the college as a teacher at the art camp there, and an admissions guide. I was also the head peer leader that year, so I had to be on campus early for orientation.

After I graduated I lived at home with my Mom for a year.


I hope that DS will be able to find a living sittuation that works for his goals career wise. I think summer jobs and interships are invaluable, and if they are more abundant closer to home, or closer to school, then that is where he should go.

Obviously he needs to come home for the holidays though.... * Sniffle*

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2013 9:38:33 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Jul 8, 2013 9:34:08 GMT -5 v said:

What's the alternative, particularly if they live in a dorm during the year? If they're coming home to your town, they have to rent an apartment for three months over the summer? Or stay in a hotel over Christmas break because the dorms are closed?  That would be bizarre to me.

I sublet over the summer or I rented an apartment for the year. 

That makes sense to me if you'll be in an area that isn't near where your parents live (that's what I did during law school), but what if your summer jobs are near your parents' house?  I got great internships during college that were near home.  It would have been ridiculous for me to sublet an apartment near there just because my parents wanted to prove a point, and it would have been difficult to find a place anyway because there is, like, no rental market around there.  I had an internship for two summers at the company where my mom worked, and we commuted together.  It would be so strange -- and costly -- for us to live separately just 'cause.

And I lived in dorms for 3 years in college.  They were completely closed during any of our week-long breaks.  If my parents were not going to take me in for my winter break, I would have had to stay in a hotel.  Near my hometown because that's where I celebrated Christmas and such (although the closest hotel to my parents' house is like a half an hour away).  That's bizarre. 

I understand that there are circumstances where it makes perfect sense for a kid to live at school/in another city during school breaks (for instance, for an internship/research opportunity/study abroad), but there are a lot of circumstances where it is just strange and unnecessary.

[hymen]

I would want them to come back for summers/holidays and maybe a random weekend here or there.

Once they have graduated I wold expect them to get a job and their own place within a reasonable amount of time (6 months maybe? Since that's when they have to start paying back student loans) or continue in with grad school.

My H feels differently, however, and would let them live at home longer (this must be his mother's genes coming through, because if it was up to my ILs everyone would still be living together, spouses and grand kids and all).

[lilybug]

Yes, my kids will be welcome to spend summers and breaks at my house. That's what most people I know did, unless they were traveling.

I worked as a camp counselor in the summer and spent breaks with friends or traveling, usually. I would go home for say, Dec. 24 and 25, then off to someone else's house. I wouldn't mind at all if my kids wanted to stay the whole break, though.

[cc]

I want them to come back for visits. When DD#1 goes to college, she will still have siblings at home, one 10 years younger than her, and I want her to be as much of a part of their lives as possible.

[pooh8402]

My dorms kicked me out during the summers unless I was taking classes. I worked when I went home, and took classes at the local jr college, so it's not like I laid around on my ass for 3 months.

My parents welcomed me home with open arms. Even kept my room for me. They still ask me to come visit them for all the holidays and stay with them.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using proboards

[Yankees21]

I would want them to come back if they wanted to. I went to college in the same city I grew up in, and our dorms didn't close during the summer or other breaks, but I know a lot do.

[medicmommy]

I definitely want her to come home on breaks. There is no reason for her to live elsewhere.

[winnied]

If they are coming back to my town for summer/break I would certainly welcome my children staying at my home, but wouldn't feel awful if they had other plans.

[joshlyman]

Jul 8, 2013 9:28:41 GMT -5 wambam said:

I've talked about this with a few friends and was fairly shocked by their answers. When your kid goes off to college and lives on campus or in an apartment, are you okay with them coming back for summers and long breaks like between semesters? Or are they completely on their own? 

No kids yet, but yeah, I would be totally fine with it. Saves $$$

[iamgrace]

I want them to come back. I would expect they get a summer job.

[Deleted]

I would assume they would continue to keep residency in the family home.

[dragonfly08]

Yep, my kids will be welcome back during school breaks. They're welcome back when they graduate, too, if they're still looking for a good job as long as they're actively searching for one and not just wasting time. They'll have to pitch in around the house, of course, but they have to do that already, so it's not much of a change in theory.

[aprilsails]

They can absolutely come back, but I would expect they work somewhere, somehow during the summer break.

My Mom's 'policy' on housing arrangements starts the day after you graduate university/college. Each kid is entitled to 6 months of rent-free no expense living at home after that day. It doesn't matter when you use it (ie. may need it between moving houses or after a divorce, if unemployed, etc) but after the 6 months are up you are paying for your own food and half the mortgage or even better - you're out.

I haven't used up any of my 6 months to date and I hope to God I never have to.

My Mom has volunteered it since there have been a few occasions in my family where group living arrangements have been necessary due to divorce and she doesn't want us to ever feel bad saying that we need to move back in with her (for a short period of time).

[emsumm]

Of course I'd want them home.