Quick Invite Question

[Deleted]

When I'm addressing invites for our single friends, how should I indicate they can bring a guest?

We aren't doing inner envelopes, and I think it would be odd to put "and guest" on the envelope itself. Do you think including a little handwritten note on matching paper and tucking it into the invite would be ok?

Thanks!!!!

[Booze Raccoon]

That is what we did. We didn't have inner envelopes.

[sonrisa]

A note inside or "and guest" outside are fine :-)

[snickers]

We didn't just do "and guest" for everyone, because I would end up with a sue sue situation on my hands. The guests who had partners known to us had their envelopes address to themselves and their partner by name. There were a select few we were unsure of and we just asked them if they wanted to bring a guest, and what their name was.

[snickers]

Jul 8, 2013 19:13:04 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Jul 8, 2013 19:07:06 GMT -5 snickers said:

We didn't just do "and guest" for everyone, because I would end up with a sue sue situation on my hands. The guests who had partners known to us had their envelopes address to themselves and their partner by name. There were a select few we were unsure of and we just asked them if they wanted to bring a guest, and what their name was.

Lol.. but what if the person that you're asking says that they want to bring their racist cousin that is going to hit on the best man in front of his girlfriend?  Do you then say "Oh, sorry.  Not her.  Anyone else?"  Genuine question.. how do you politely decline an 'and guest' after you ask someone the name of their possible guest?

ETA Derp.. should have probably quoted/tagged @cse1960.

Well in my situation there was one person who under no circumstance was allowed to be at my wedding (my sister's ex-boyfriend who stalked her for awhile and was a bat shit crazy man) and yes, I would have said no, he is not allowed to come, lol. Anyone else would have be fine really.

[Deleted]

It's a small wedding so I don't think any of our single invitees will invite anyone shady- I generally trust their judgment.

And there aren't cousins and there won't be a bouquet toss. so we're good on that front.

I think I'll just write a little note that says "please bring a guest if you'd like"

Or what do you think for wording?

[Deleted]

All singles are getting a guest. What's wrong with a little insert?

[sailorgray]

Jul 8, 2013 20:28:57 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

All singles are getting a guest. What's wrong with a little insert?

I don't think anything is wrong with it. It's just unnecessary. Writing "and Guest" on the outside envelope seems to be the norm. 

[Yankees21]

We found out who the guests were- there weren't tons of single people on the list. If you have a lot, I'd do the inserts.

[papie]

We did and guest on the inner envelope. While I get what sue is saying, who has time for that shit?

[bornbaker]

I didn't put "and guest" on any of my invites (if we knew they had an s/o we put their name on the invite, too). I still ended up with uninvited guests. To this day I wish I would have had name cards/place settings. I think then the person who brought the extra guest(s) would know how uncool this was.

Anyway - I agree with @cse1960. You need to find out names. Otherwise you will end up with weird friends and poorly behaved guest you don't know. 

[polarbearfans]

We did "and guest". Of course we called and got dates named when possible but for some we just wanted to give the option of brining a friend since they didn't know anyone else really due to distance but still special to us. We had a very tailored guest list due to having a small wedding but planned in a few extras for the few guests who were good friends but not necessarily in the same circle as other good friends we invited. The wedding was mainly family.

[mcc]

Jul 8, 2013 19:13:04 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Jul 8, 2013 19:07:06 GMT -5 snickers said:

We didn't just do "and guest" for everyone, because I would end up with a sue sue situation on my hands. The guests who had partners known to us had their envelopes address to themselves and their partner by name. There were a select few we were unsure of and we just asked them if they wanted to bring a guest, and what their name was.

Lol.. but what if the person that you're asking says that they want to bring their racist cousin that is going to hit on the best man in front of his girlfriend?  Do you then say "Oh, sorry.  Not her.  Anyone else?"  Genuine question.. how do you politely decline an 'and guest' after you ask someone the name of their possible guest?

ETA Derp.. should have probably quoted/tagged @cse1960.

I had a BM ask me if she could bring a friend, who I didn't invite for a reason, because all of the other bridesmaids had dates.  I told her no, I didn't invite the girl because she was my ex-klepto college roommate who was unwelcome at my wedding.  I told her she was welcome to bring her flavor of the week, but not somebody who was going to steal checks at my wedding.  I think I worded it like, "I'm not comfortable with that person at my wedding, please let me know if you'd like to bring someone else."  It was awkward but she got over it.

[VeryViolet]

I didn't do an inner envelope and wrote either a name or "and guest" on the outer envelope. We did a destination wedding and I didn't think it was fair to ask my single friends to travel alone or commit to a guest 12 weeks out. No one showed up with anyone terrible. Honestly, I think a note inside would be weird and potentially overlooked. When I haven't been able to remember if I was invited with a guest I go back to the envelope.

[sparkythelawyer]

Jul 8, 2013 19:01:29 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

DONT AND GUEST. One of these people will bring their racist cousin who will ruin your wedding. Or their drunken friend who will puke on your dress.
This person, whoever they are, will be the one who shoves your best friend down to get the bouquet and then hits on the best man in front of his girl friend.
NOOOOOOO.

Call your friends, ask them if they have an SO, FI or DH/DW, and find out their names, and invite them personally.

This is what I would do, but wedding invites are the one place where I become an elitist snob.

[Booze Raccoon]

Random story which doesn't really apply, but this seems like a good a place as any to drop it...

At our wedding, we invited a married couple who are friends of mine from high school. The husband had a family reunion that same weekend out of state so they decided that he would decline and she would stay home and come to our wedding. No problem. Until she called me and asked if she could bring "Kenny" a mutual friend whom I was friendly with but not enough to warrant his own invite. I didn't think this was cool, but I didn't want to rock the boat so I told her he could come. Plus, she made my wedding favors at no cost, so I didn't want to offend her by saying that her boy friend couldn't attend.

He showed up, didn't speak to anyone, refused to eat, drank diet coke and stayed outside smoking. The whole situation was strange because we all knew that they were having an affair. Fast forward 4 years later, husband and wife divorced, no surprise, and the wife and Kenny are now married.

So we didn't even invite a guest for her but she brought one anyway. And he kind of sucked.

[Deleted]

We didn't do "and guest" for anyone. Neither of us wanted random people attending our wedding. We both knew each and every person who came.
Why would we have someone we never met, come and celebrate our day when they don't even know us? Plus at the cost of each person, it would be crazy. Neither of us had any friends who wouldn't come with out an "and guest".