Post by messykitchen on Jul 8, 2013 20:57:21 GMT -5
I am good friends with an ex boyfriend of mine, but his life choices are horrible. He has no custody of his children and I don't think he is allowed to. The mother of the children also has problems, and is going to rehab. They do not live together (my ex and the mother) but she has two children by him (girls, ages 5 and 3). She has asked that I take temporary custody of the girls until she is out of rehab, at least six weeks. I am glad to do this as I am always supportive of people bettering themselves. Some people may recall I had the whole family living with me a bit over a year ago.
My question is, I want to have actual paperwork behind this, and she thinks dropping them off is fine. I don't want any money from them, as I can afford to feed them etc and they need to save up and get on their feet. Neither of them have supportive parents that will help with the girls. So, I know that I am right, but I just want confirmation they need to give me temporary guardianship, correct? Would I be able to use their (state) insurance without proof I am the caretaker, if they get sick? When she is out of rehab, does she get reviewed to make sure she is a fit parent? I love, love, love these girls and they are welcome to stay as long as needed.
Has anyone ever watched kids that aren't theirs for an extended period? Is there anything legal I am overlooking?
Post by messykitchen on Jul 8, 2013 21:07:50 GMT -5
Ah thank you emsumm. I just can never turn my back on children.
@astrid. Thanks that's good avice. I hadn't eben thought of that since this is all new to me.
@aliciaroset You are right. I am sure expenses will come up that are more than medical. What if they are here long enough to go back to school, for instance. I will google grandparents caring for grandchildren.
And Googling re grandparents will not likely be very helpful.
You are of no relation to these children at all.
Please seek help from a professional. Don't take the kids until you have.
You are so right Miso, it could be not what I expected. I could have two more kids for life, but that is ok with me. I have a call into my lawyer already, but this isn't her expertise and I am sure she will refer me to one that deals with these types of situations.
I will certainly not take the kids in until I have legal guardianship. That seems very unwise.
As always the help and information I get from here is amazing.
Temporary guardianships are handled in the probate court here. Filing one would give you full power for them on a temporary basis and allow you to contest it if the parents decide they want you back. They are generally more flexible than outright custody changes. But talk to a lawyer in your area.
My SIL frequently cares for kids the are not her own, for extended periods of time.
Find out whatever is required in your state to be able to make medical and emergency decisions. For my SIL, it's just a notarized document.
These kids are lucky to have you.
How awesome of your SIL! I am more worried about saying goodbye when they leave, and it's not even certain I will get them!
It's going to be hectic with three huge dogs and cats everywhere, but I think I can make it work if they share a room. I am sure they will be a bigger blessing to me than I am to them! They have had it so rough though, I am worried about the older one being angry at being in yet another place. The kids have bounced around A LOT.
Post by Captain Serious on Jul 8, 2013 21:19:35 GMT -5
Taking these kids temporarily cannot mandate you to raise them for life against your will. But you should protect your interests here, and find out what's standard and required by the state. You may also want some say in when the mother can reclaim the children; I imagine you would not have an easy time of letting her take them if she is actively using.
I can understand not wanting to get CPS involved, from both your prospectives, so you can do this privately, but be sure you are complying with the law so that CPS or a court doesn't step in later and take the kids away from you and the mother.
Temporary guardianships are handled in the probate court here. Filing one would give you full power for them on a temporary basis and allow you to contest it if the parents decide they want you back. They are generally more flexible than outright custody changes. But talk to a lawyer in your area.
FTR, you are a wonderful person.
Thank you! I hope its that easy, but things are oddly complicated in Iowa sometimes. I will know more after I speak to my lawyer tomorrow hopefully
Taking these kids temporarily cannot mandate you to raise them for life against your will. But you should protect your interests here, and find out what's standard and required by the state. You may also want some say in when the mother can reclaim the children; I imagine you would not have an easy time of letting her take them if she is actively using.
I can understand not wanting to get CPS involved, from both your prospectives, so you can do this privately, but be sure you are complying with the law so that CPS or a court doesn't step in later and take the kids away from you and the mother.
CPS is already involved on her end, her children are with her mother who is unwilling to care for them long term. There is no way I will release them to her if she is using, so can I say I want her to have 6 months clean drug tests before custody is reestablished? I have never been to rehab, will I be allowed to bring the girls to visit her? I don't want that bond to break.
I know these are not questions people can give definite answers too, but I have a cold and the sudafed I took is making my mind race 1000 miles an hour LOL.
Post by Captain Serious on Jul 8, 2013 21:24:37 GMT -5
If they do come to you, and you have any struggles/questions about their adjustment or behavior, please feel free to ask. Children who have been moved around a lot and experienced trauma usually have difficult transitions, but it's so much easier if you understand the best ways to help them through it.
If they do come to you, and you have any struggles/questions about their adjustment or behavior, please feel free to ask. Children who have been moved around a lot and experienced trauma usually have difficult transitions, but it's so much easier if you understand the best ways to help them through it.
If I get them, and I sincerely hope I do, expect my post count to triple in the first two weeks! My son is 14 and I think I have forgotten what little kids are like. But despite any struggles, I feel like it will be worth it in the long run.
Post by saraandmichael on Jul 8, 2013 21:29:19 GMT -5
this might be a helpful place to start getting some answers to your questions (if you're like me, you like to have an idea of what to expect before you speak to a professional)
this might be a helpful place to start getting some answers to your questions (if you're like me, you like to have an idea of what to expect before you speak to a professional)
Temporary guardianships are handled in the probate court here. Filing one would give you full power for them on a temporary basis and allow you to contest it if the parents decide they want you back. They are generally more flexible than outright custody changes. But talk to a lawyer in your area.
FTR, you are a wonderful person.
Thank you! I hope its that easy, but things are oddly complicated in Iowa sometimes. I will know more after I speak to my lawyer tomorrow hopefully
And that should have said ... if the parents want the kids back... not you.
Taking these kids temporarily cannot mandate you to raise them for life against your will. But you should protect your interests here, and find out what's standard and required by the state. You may also want some say in when the mother can reclaim the children; I imagine you would not have an easy time of letting her take them if she is actively using.
I can understand not wanting to get CPS involved, from both your prospectives, so you can do this privately, but be sure you are complying with the law so that CPS or a court doesn't step in later and take the kids away from you and the mother.
CPS is already involved on her end, her children are with her mother who is unwilling to care for them long term. There is no way I will release them to her if she is using, so can I say I want her to have 6 months clean drug tests before custody is reestablished? I have never been to rehab, will I be allowed to bring the girls to visit her? I don't want that bond to break.
I know these are not questions people can give definite answers too, but I have a cold and the sudafed I took is making my mind race 1000 miles an hour LOL.
Okay, since CPS is involved, I don't think she'd be able to just give the kids to you. If they are considered in state care, even if the grandparents are currently acting as their "placement," you would have to be approved by CPS and under foster licensing. In some cases, the kids can be put with you while the license is being pursued, but if they have waiting foster homes and you are not a relation, I don't know if they would do this. It almost sounds like the on is trying to circumvent CPS by having you take them before they are placed with a foster family. If they truly are already "in care," though, I don't think that will be possible, and I urge you not to take the kids without finding out the level of the state's involvement first. I wouldn't do anything before talking to the social worker assigned to the case, because you don't want to be accused of interfering with the state if they have custody.
Either way, I would reach out to the social worker, explain your fondness of the children and the mother's request that you take custody, and see if thy can't make that happen.
CPS is already involved on her end, her children are with her mother who is unwilling to care for them long term. There is no way I will release them to her if she is using, so can I say I want her to have 6 months clean drug tests before custody is reestablished? I have never been to rehab, will I be allowed to bring the girls to visit her? I don't want that bond to break.
I know these are not questions people can give definite answers too, but I have a cold and the sudafed I took is making my mind race 1000 miles an hour LOL.
Okay, since CPS is involved, I don't think she'd be able to just give the kids to you. If they are considered in state care, even if the grandparents are currently acting as their "placement," you would have to be approved by CPS and under foster licensing. In some cases, the kids can be put with you while the license is being pursued, but if they have waiting foster homes and you are not a relation, I don't know if they would do this. It almost sounds like the on is trying to circumvent CPS by having you take them before they are placed with a foster family. If they truly are already "in care," though, I don't think that will be possible, and I urge you not to take the kids without finding out the level of the state's involvement first. I wouldn't do anything before talking to the social worker assigned to the case, because you don't want to be accused of interfering with the state if they have custody.
Either way, I would reach out to the social worker, explain your fondness of the children and the mother's request that you take custody, and see if thy can't make that happen.
That is a great point, and not one I had considered. I would have no problem being homestudied and taking whatever classes they require if that was the case. I have known both girls since birth and I would be crushed if they went into foster care. I do have the social workers name, so I will giving her a call in the morning. I know the mothers rehab is voluntary and they were removed from her home because she couldn't keep adequate food in the home and utilities on (this is what I was told anyway). Right now, her mother has temporary custody (legally, I think), but she will not keep them another week. I admit I grew wary when she tried to tell me paperwork wasn't needed, but I won't do it without going through the proper channels.
Thank you for the suggestions! I really appreciate it.
You really, really need to meet with a family law attorney. There are different avenues for obtaining custody, and they vary by state. The options you have also depend on how much CPS is currently involved. For example, if CPS has already filed a petition with the court for the state to obtain custody, your options will be very different than if CPS has just started an investigation but nothing has been filed. You may be able to get a guardianship done through probate court, you may need to do it in juvenile court, or you may need to go through foster parent training and get approval from CPS to be able to keep the children. It just depends on your state and the specific facts of the case, and you really need an attorney (not a social worker!) to advise you.
Post by Captain Serious on Jul 8, 2013 21:51:02 GMT -5
Listen to GoDawgs on this, I trust her judgement and knowledge in this more than my own. I would still probably contact the social worker first, to let them know of my interest and find out any specifics she can tell you, so you have that information when you contact the lawyer.
One good thing, if they are in state care, is that the state can then set the kind of mandates you mentioned and ensure the mother's clean, has a job, and a stable lifestyle before allowing her to regain custody.
Listen to GoDawgs on this, I trust her judgement and knowledge in this more than my own. I would still probably contact the social worker first, to let them know of my interest and find out any specifics she can tell you, so you have that information when you contact the lawyer.
One good thing, if they are in state care, is that the state can then set the kind of mandates you mentioned and ensure the mother's clean, has a job, and a stable lifestyle before allowing her to regain custody.
Good idea. I will certainly talk to the case worker first before I talk to my lawyer! I need to know if I am even an option, but I sure hope I am.
I am so glad to know they will make sure the mother is stable. I figured they would, but I just didn't know.
I haven't read all of the posts, but if the kids are already in state custody, then I agree with Captain Serious that it's not a bad idea to contact the case worker to let him or her know of your interest. However, know that sometimes CPS is difficult to work with and might have crazy reasons that they don't want to place with you, and also know that there are often ways to get around CPS and still make it happen if the parent is really wanting this. Of course, it depends on the laws of your state. The social worker may not know about these other legal avenues and if they do, they aren't going to let you know about them because they will want to be in control.
You need something in writing for no other reason than getting the kids medical attention should anything happen. That right there is enough to have a temporary custody agreement in place.
What you will want is an attorney who handles Third-Party Custody (non-relative caregiver.) You will definitely want papers. The schools won't let you enroll, you'll have difficulty getting medical care, all sorts of obstacles without letters of authority. There are differences between guardianship (which I had with GD1 when she first came to us) and custody (which we have now via DSHS/CPS).
[ETA: since I didn't read all the responses the first time: If they are in state custody, call the caseworker and offer your home as a "friend-of-the-family" placement; with FOF designation you could be considered a "relative" caregiver. You will probably have to go through licensing, or at least some of the qualifications for licensing, which is a PITA but definitely do-able. If the parents rights are terminated, they will become legally free which at some point the state will look to adoption for the children, whether that be you or someone else. (Just so you can make sure you know what you're getting into; the end result will be either resolution and reunification or non-resolution and termination, they don't like the kids to linger in the system for too long anymore.)]
Let me know if you have any questions. I had guardianship in Ohio for several years and am dealing with CPS in Washington for several more, culminating in termination of parental rights and adoption. I can't give legal advice or tell you what to do, obviously, but I can give you an idea of what I've gone through (both in the caregiving and in the parent's gamesmanship and battles to get the daughter/s back.)