I think we're done BFing

[candreco]

I don't know what I'm looking for here, I think I just need to see it all out of my head.

I had such high hopes this time around- I BFed DD until 8 months despite my supply taking a huge hit when I went back to work and started pumping.  Got through that, supplemented as needed, and then when my period came back it just wiped out any milk production.  But I felt like this time around I knew what I was doing, all the tricks for increasing supply, DS had a great latch, my milk came in quickly and plenty of it, etc.  Well, this time my period came back at freaking 6 weeks post partum.  WTF.  As with DD, it really affected supply; since it hadn't had a chance to regulate yet, it never really came back despite really working at it.  DS wasn't gaining, so we started supplementing, and once I went back to work, pumping was getting enough for one bottle over the course of the day, and keeping supply up enough to be able to nurse at night.  Except now DS is pretty consistently sttn, so there's basically no demand.  On top of that, unlike DD, getting bottles all day has made him super lazy, and he has very little interest in nursing- that night time one when he was sleepy was really the only time he'd nurse for any length of time.  Right now, I haven't nursed in over 12 hours, and there's zero discomfort, and my breasts feel the same as when I've just pumped or DS has nursed. 

In the end I don't really care how DS is fed, as long as he is, it was just kind of unexpected that we'd stop this early.  6 months was kind of my minimum goal, and I'm sad that we barely made half of that.  And there's some guilt that I'm excited about being able to get dressed without worrying about boob access and wear real bras, that long car rides and being out and about are now less dependent on DS's feeding schedule, that I'm not trying to schedule pumping around work stuff and that work travel is a lot easier, stuff like that.

Oh, well.  In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal, and I know it.  I've got pregnant friends that now have their pick of nursing tanks, a brestfriend pillow, two Ameda pumps and a barely used Medela PISA, and a variety of other nursing accessories.

[Deleted]

Sounds like you have a good attitude about it and really tried your best. Even if we know mentally its the right thing, its still ok to be sad or wistful about that phase of you and your baby's life together coming to a close.

Good job getting through the first three months!

[poppyseed]

You did great, mama. Hugs!

[Deleted]

Same thing happened to me and I stressed any made myself miserable. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

You tried really hard mama and you did a great job!

Cut yourself a break on this one

[sewf]

We're done, too, at 5 months. Like you, I can go all day without nursing and feel no discomfort. Don't feel guilty about it. You tried, and succeeded for three months. Like you said, as long as he is fed, that's the most important thing.

[cleo29]

I think you should be proud of what you did. Don't be hard on yourself. My faulty boobs commend you!

[underwaterrhymes]

You did great!

Feeding your baby is important. How you do it doesn't matter.

[eddy]

Same thing happened with both of my boys. STTN and going back to work killed my supply. Even with the extra knowledge with Leo I still weaned him by 5 months.

Congrats mama! You did great.

Also welcome to freedom. :-)

[Deleted]

You did it! He got bm at the most important time for him to get it.

[papie]

Congrats you did great! I will never say enough how much I admire all you American mamas who have to deal with pumping at work and the supply issues that come with it. You rock!

[Kristinmo]

First- ((hugs))

Second- Agree with Stellas- those first few weeks are the most important and you did it!

[candreco]

Thanks, ladies. I do know it's the right decision (and it's not like there's much else I can do at this point), but you're making me feel all warm and fuzzy about it.

[copperboom]

3 months worth of breast milk is a shitload of breast milk! Great job!

[cookie510]

Great job! 3 months is seriously awesome!

The freedom is awesome too - don't feel guilty, you did great.

[candreco]

OMG, yes, the freedom! Which is at least a little bit of why I feel guilty- I'm all William Wallace on the inside, which seems vaguely selfish. And then I remember that me being in a good mental state makes me (personally) a better mother than feeling trapped and BFing does, and I get over it.