Cohabitating: how soon is too soon?

[Deleted]

I moved in with H three weeks after we met

[pedanticwench]

Meh. It's nice that you're concerned, but she's a big girl.

[walterismydog]

another personal anecdote:

My friend voiced concerns about N and I spending "too much time together" and "moving too quickly" - yet she's never met him and literally knows nothing about him except what I've expressed (which has all been good). This same person gave me all kinds of judgy-judgments when I didn't break up with my ex on HER timeline. She has talked about me behind my back to mutual friends, expressing major worry and concern, yet these feelings are COMPLETELY unfounded. This has GREATLY affected my friendship with her and quite frankly I am about to cut her out of my life. She is a busybody who needs to worry about her own damn messed-up life.

DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO HER just because she doesn't live the life YOU want her to live. It's none of your business and I'm assuming she is an adult who knows how to handle her shit. Even if not, even if they fail at living together, even if things go horribly south and she regrets the day she met the dude: big fucking deal. She will learn a valuable life lesson if that happens. It's going to be OK.

Clearly this is a hot button issue for me right now. ha!

[TrickyBob]

Better for her to find out if they are good with living with each other before they make a choice to get married some day. If it was a week or two after they met, I'd side eye. But a few months? Why not? Moving in with someone can clue you in on who they really are and it can either strength the relationship or ruin it. And it can help you to determine if this is the person you really want.

(I'm very pro living together before marriage)

[mrssandro]

We met in May and moved in together in September/October time frame. We didn't wait on it. 

[ooglie26]

Every situation is different. I think the maturity of the individuals involved and their compatibility has a great deal to do with it.

Ex-boyfriend and I dated for 6 months before moving in together. We lived together for 3.5 years and it didn't work out (he was abusive).

H and I started dating in September, he moved in mid-October, and proposed mid-November (all in the same year). We've been together for nearly 6 years, very happily married for almost 5 years.

[oliveyou]

I dated my ex-fiance for 3+ years before living with him. It was only then that I was able to see the kind of person he REALLY was, and we ended up breaking up. I only dated DH for 7 months before my lease was up and I moved into his place. 8 years later it's still going just fine So I think it depends on the people, the relationship and what THEY want. I'd stay out of it.

[Stingyshark]

He pretty much moved in after 2 weeks. We've been together 8 yrs, married for 4..

[rex]

Depends on the couple.

My sister moved in with her ex after a few months, and look how good that turned out. But, if she hadn't been with the world's biggest piece of shit it could have been a good thing!

[evynsmama]

DH and I moved in together 3 months after we started dating, we did get a two bedroom in case things didn't work out and we had to live out the lease together.

[feistypants]

I was practically living there a month later after a hospitalization and some health issues. We officially moved in 3 months after we started dating.

I had one friend who felt the need to poke her nose into everything we did. Eventually, I got fed up and she's no longer a friend.

[WOT?*]

DH and I moved in together after just a few months (like two-ish) and 19 years later we're still a "happily ever after." For the most part.

[snickers]

I think it depends on the situation.
In their case, if it is financially better for them to move in together and they are getting along well I say go for it, but be ready to support yourself and pay rent again if things don't work out the way you planned.

[10nille]

Depends on the maturity and character of the individuals. Still, I'd keep my opinion to myself. If she specifically asked me then I would keep my comments general, such as, have you talked about finances and chores? Has she noticed any red flags? Who knows they have a few months on their leases, things can change. Learning from a book is knowledge, yet learning from experience is wisdom.(usually,lol)

[ckinla]

We were in college dorms for a year (met in September), but spent every night together and moved in together officially that May.

[hbear]

I agree that it depends upon the situation. I think age also has something to do with it.

And if they aren't a compatible couple, she will likely find that out sooner by living with him than later.

I'd stay out of it.

[Tacocat]

H and I met in March and moved in togther in Sept. Our 4 year wedding anniversary is this month. I don't think there is a rule on what's enough time. Some people just know early on and I do think living together is a good test of the relationship. If it's not going to work, you find out pretty quickly after living together.

[Deleted]

Better to cohabitate "too soon" and find out you're not compatible that much sooner vs dragging out a dead-end relationship.

[hellfreezesovertour]

I moved in w/ my DH after 3 months. It's been 10 years married. I don't recommend it.

[Yankees21]

We started dating senior year of high school, and once we went to college spent every night together, even though we didn't officially "move in" with each other until 2.5 years in. It may or may not be too soon for them, but that's something they need to find out for themselves.

[midnightrae]

I moved in with my FI(then BF) when we were dating for about 3 months.