I'm not sure if I'm in a community property state or not. However, when I bought the house (just a few weeks before we got married) he had to sign as the "non-borrowing" spouse. So I'm not sure if that makes a difference. There isn't that much equity in the house as we've only lived her 1 1/2 years, so it won't be the end of the world if I have up split that with him. There's no way he'd be able to afford it alone. The mortgage payments are more than he makes in a typical month. I'm just concerned on how to get him out. I know...that will be one of the major points I bring up with the lawyer.
You have the upper hand so I would not say anything until you meet with a lawyer for sure. Do everything you can to protect your assets. If you have access to any of his accounts get screen shots/statements now.
Also, if you are in a community property state, only having your name on xyz won't matter if any marital funds were used on that asset. Make sure you talk about this with your lawyer. (I am not a lawyer...)
I'm not sure if I'm in a community property state or not. However, when I bought the house (just a few weeks before we got married) he had to sign as the "non-borrowing" spouse. So I'm not sure if that makes a difference. There isn't that much equity in the house as we've only lived her 1 1/2 years, so it won't be the end of the world if I have up split that with him. There's no way he'd be able to afford it alone. The mortgage payments are more than he makes in a typical month. I'm just concerned on how to get him out. I know...that will be one of the major points I bring up with the lawyer.
Did he sign a deed at all transferring the property to you? An interspousal deed perhaps? Just signing as a non-borrowing spouse probably won't mean anything in a community property state this is just my experience working in title though - and is not true for all states. What does the deed say? Lobster as a single woman? Married woman as her sole and separate property?
I'm not sure if I'm in a community property state or not. However, when I bought the house (just a few weeks before we got married) he had to sign as the "non-borrowing" spouse. So I'm not sure if that makes a difference. There isn't that much equity in the house as we've only lived her 1 1/2 years, so it won't be the end of the world if I have up split that with him. There's no way he'd be able to afford it alone. The mortgage payments are more than he makes in a typical month. I'm just concerned on how to get him out. I know...that will be one of the major points I bring up with the lawyer.
Did he sign a deed at all transferring the property to you? An interspousal deed perhaps? Just signing as a non-borrowing spouse probably won't mean anything in a community property state this is just my experience working in title though - and is not true for all states. What does the deed say? Lobster as a single woman? Married woman as her sole and separate property?
It says Lobster Maiden Name. I'm not sure if it has a marital status. I'll have to collect those documents when the stbxh is out of the house.
Did he sign a deed at all transferring the property to you? An interspousal deed perhaps? Just signing as a non-borrowing spouse probably won't mean anything in a community property state this is just my experience working in title though - and is not true for all states. What does the deed say? Lobster as a single woman? Married woman as her sole and separate property?
It says Lobster Maiden Name. I'm not sure if it has a marital status. I'll have to collect those documents when the stbxh is out of the house.
If it says sole and separate property, that is the best case scenario if you are in a community property state. That's really all I can help with real estate wise though
Post by feistypants on Jul 9, 2013 22:58:54 GMT -5
I agree with everyone's advice. Storage space, lawyer, therapist.
While you're at the lawyer's office, ask when in the process you'll be able to change the locks. And as soon as you hit that mark, change all of your locks.
Also, in addition to being tested now for STDs, be sure to be checked again in 3 and 6 months. Some things can take a while to show up.
My mom already knows. I will most definitely have my mom and brother here when I tell him. Depending on what the lawyer says, I may have to involve authorities. He is not going to go easy. He has very little money to his name and has bad credit. He definitely won't be able to afford a place on his own. Probably move back to his moms.
The truck does have payments left. I intend to keep paying for all that as I do today until my name is off the loan.
The proof I have is emails (and sometimes pictures) to people who listed Craigslist personal ads. In some there are very explicit comments. In some there are stated times to meet. I don't have pictures of him doing the deed or anything, but that's pretty solid proof that he broke the marriage contract, right? I know I'll need to confirm with a lawyer but just wondering your thoughts
I really appreciate all the advice.
Yes, probably. Obviously, no promises, but it seems like you're heading in the right direction. You seem to be in a really good spot for this. Take your proof and copies of all your financial records (bank statements, pay stubs, big bills, W-2s, etc.) with you when you go see your lawyer. If you have any access to HIS financial records, take those to your lawyer too.
Oh, and right after you leave the lawyer's office... call a therapist, please? You sound like you're coping remarkably well, but it will help you work out your feelings that will inevitable crash down around you as soon as you slow down enough from the rush-rush-rush of getting everything done that you need to have done.
Please know that all the highs and lows you'll face emotionally in the coming days, weeks, months are totally normal.
All the best.
It's all still so surreal. I feel like I could wake up from a nightmare anytime. My employer has an employee assistance program...I'll check into that for some therapy. I'm already rollercoastering from "all-business get this done" to sobbing uncontrollably. I just have to keep it together for a little while.
Yes, probably. Obviously, no promises, but it seems like you're heading in the right direction. You seem to be in a really good spot for this. Take your proof and copies of all your financial records (bank statements, pay stubs, big bills, W-2s, etc.) with you when you go see your lawyer. If you have any access to HIS financial records, take those to your lawyer too.
Oh, and right after you leave the lawyer's office... call a therapist, please? You sound like you're coping remarkably well, but it will help you work out your feelings that will inevitable crash down around you as soon as you slow down enough from the rush-rush-rush of getting everything done that you need to have done.
Please know that all the highs and lows you'll face emotionally in the coming days, weeks, months are totally normal.
All the best.
It's all still so surreal. I feel like I could wake up from a nightmare anytime. My employer has an employee assistance program...I'll check into that for some therapy. I'm already rollercoastering from "all-business get this done" to sobbing uncontrollably. I just have to keep it together for a little while.
It will probably feel like that for awhile. When STBXH left me I felt like I was in a dream for a good month - my therapist assured me that it is perfectly normal Just ride the waves of emotion - make sure you give yourself time to breakdown, even if it is out in the car or something so your H doesn't see. Take care if yourself, ok?
Post by thinklikeajellyfish on Jul 9, 2013 23:03:36 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice to add on to what has already been given. Take care of yourself. We are here if you need anything. (hug) (hug2)
Sounds like you have a very level head about it, but I am sorry you're dealing with this. Your sleazeball (soon to be ex) H is a thoughtless jerk for putting you at risk by sleeping with multiple random women from CL.
I have no advice, but everything seems to have been touched on anyway. Tons of good advice here. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this but you're so strong. Keep it up girl, we're thinking of you.