I hate the emotional roller coaster

[hobs209]

I've been doing really, really well overall for the past couple of weeks. Therapy has been great and I'm working on a few things with myself that I'm so excited about. I saw my ex last Sunday as we were on the same flight to Vegas and it went well. We were cordial and overall it was not awkward. Then a few days later he texted me again trying to get me to talk and ask if we could be friends. Again, I told him no. Well, I ended up unexpectedly seeing him later that night and he was pissed to see me and was quite rude. This, combined with the fact that a mutual friend was telling me how lonely he is, made me feel really bad. I have no idea why because I didn't do anything wrong. And then when I got home last night, I was so overcome with sadness that I couldn't stop crying. First time I've cried in so long and I feel like I'm back at square one. I know it takes time, but I'm just so impatient and I'm ready to be really happy again.

[bullygirl979]

Hugs!!

You feel bad because there is probably still a part of you that cares about him. You DIDN'T do anything wrong but you also aren't a heartless bitch who couldn't give a shit.

The roller coaster is the worst. Because you have some good days and you think "Yes! I am moving on!" and then something hits you like a ton of bricks and you feel like you took 20 steps back. But you are not back at square one because you cried. If anything, that moves you forward. Because you are sitting with your feelings, processing them......which moves you forward. If you ignored them and didn't cry you wouldn't be moving on. I know it sucks and it is hard, but keep doing what you are doing.

And yes, I get it about wanting to feel happy again. But you can't force it and you need to remind yourself that it will happen.

[Deleted]

You are feeling perfectly normal. It IS an emotional rollercoaster.
why not block his # so he can not keep contacting you.

Crying is good for you imo....helps get it out!

[hobs209]

Thank you both. As much as I wish I didn't, I do still care about him and I do want him to be okay. Thanks for the reassurance.

I don't know if I can block his number. I tried to find an app to block another number and couldn't. Is there one you know of for the iphone? I would imagine he's going to stop though... he's not the type to push.

[bullygirl979]

You should definitely be able to block his number. I would try your cell carrier.

[turtle1120]

I talked with my therapist about this whole topic last week. I'm totally over my Ex and well on my way to healing and moving on, but I moved and for some strange reason it brought feelings back and triggered me to break down and cry. In the end, I was so upset that I was crying because "I want to be done and over everything." My therapist said just because I cried doesn't mean that I'm not over it. She assured me it's normal and fine, and that every now and then something may happen to trigger tears or feelings but that alone doesn't mean you're back at square one.

Just try to go with the flow and deal with the ups and downs as they come and go. There's no way to fast forward the healing process. It takes time, but the downs become fewer and fewer as time goes on.

[letyourselfgo]

I still cry whenever I see my Ex-FI. This is a relatively small town....so I see him on a regular basis. It's not that I want him back.....but I'm still mourning what was.

It would be nice not to feel like that anymore.

[DefenseAgainstTheDarkArts22]

I know on my Android phone I can hold on the number in my call logs and it brings up a menu to block the number. Not sure about iPhones.

[Deleted]

Call the apple store they will tell you how to block it!

[hobs209]

I'll check out blocking options. I think I'm also more mourning the loss of what we had rather than my ex specifically. I had a good therapy session this afternoon and that made me feel better. My roller coaster feelings are not helped by the fact that he is weirdly angry with me but I can't dwell on it because that's his problem, not mine. Rinse and repeat x100 lol.

[awick14]

Jun 15, 2012 13:44:26 GMT -5 letyourselfgo said:

I still cry whenever I see my Ex-FI. This is a relatively small town....so I see him on a regular basis. It's not that I want him back.....but I'm still mourning what was.

It would be nice not to feel like that anymore.

The bolded part is why I cried (many times) when xbf and I broke up.

[awick14]

Jun 15, 2012 18:42:59 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

I'll check out blocking options. I think I'm also more mourning the loss of what we had rather than my ex specifically. I had a good therapy session this afternoon and that made me feel better. My roller coaster feelings are not helped by the fact that he is weirdly angry with me but I can't dwell on it because that's his problem, not mine. Rinse and repeat x100 lol.

Definatley steps in the right direction!

[bullygirl979]

Jun 15, 2012 18:42:59 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

I'll check out blocking options. I think I'm also more mourning the loss of what we had rather than my ex specifically. I had a good therapy session this afternoon and that made me feel better. My roller coaster feelings are not helped by the fact that he is weirdly angry with me but I can't dwell on it because that's his problem, not mine. Rinse and repeat x100 lol.

I hear ya! My current mantra is: I deserve better.

Ask Doris, she will vouch I say it, oh, maybe 3-4 times a day to her lol.

[mandimija]

It happens. Slightly unrelated: Three years ago, I lost my grandfather. We were close, and it was hard as hell for a while. I was sad for a long time, but there are times (like Father's Day, his birthday, some holidays, or other random times) that I get really sad and miss him. I mourn again.

In the same way, a divorce is a death. It's the death of what was, what you wanted for your life, what could have been. It's compounded by the fact that you still, on some level, have to deal with this man, and doing so, especially when he's angry or upset with you for reasons you can do nothing about. Sometimes, you're going to mourn. It doesn't mean you're not over it. It means that you dealt with a major loss, and it's going to bother you sometimes.

[hobs209]

Jun 16, 2012 9:26:34 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

I hear ya! My current mantra is: I deserve better.

Ask Doris, she will vouch I say it, oh, maybe 3-4 times a day to her lol.

Love that

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I'm still feeling pretty rough, but I'm going to hang out tonight and watch some cheesy movies so hopefully that helps.

[doriswe]

Jun 16, 2012 9:26:34 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Jun 15, 2012 18:42:59 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

I'll check out blocking options. I think I'm also more mourning the loss of what we had rather than my ex specifically. I had a good therapy session this afternoon and that made me feel better. My roller coaster feelings are not helped by the fact that he is weirdly angry with me but I can't dwell on it because that's his problem, not mine. Rinse and repeat x100 lol.

I hear ya! My current mantra is: I deserve better.

Ask Doris, she will vouch I say it, oh, maybe 3-4 times a day to her lol.

lol....it's true!! And if she doesn't say it, I'm spewing it back to her!

[cemacmil]

Jun 16, 2012 18:15:58 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

Jun 16, 2012 9:26:34 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

I hear ya! My current mantra is: I deserve better.

Ask Doris, she will vouch I say it, oh, maybe 3-4 times a day to her lol.

Love that

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I'm still feeling pretty rough, but I'm going to hang out tonight and watch some cheesy movies so hopefully that helps.

Good for you on the movie. I am doing the same thing tonight - watching Eclipse again

I had heard from my XMIL today about me and my mom taking DD to her house for the Father's Day weekend and got what felt like a snarky comeback about XH wanting the full 5 hours but "oh well he will take what he can get." Excuse me but my mother and I are driving 3 hours round trip and spending the 2.5 hour visit time in small town in a mcDonalds with wifi, paying for gas when your son is close to $1,000 behind in CS not to mention medical expenses, and DD needs to be in bed way before 9 thank you - don't worry about her inconvenience either. I expect that kind of comment comment from XH, but not from her. So I felt the roller coaster again tonight too. Feeling more whateves though now.

[bullygirl979]

Jun 16, 2012 18:15:58 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

Jun 16, 2012 9:26:34 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

I hear ya! My current mantra is: I deserve better.

Ask Doris, she will vouch I say it, oh, maybe 3-4 times a day to her lol.

Love that

Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I'm still feeling pretty rough, but I'm going to hang out tonight and watch some cheesy movies so hopefully that helps.

You are welcome! Selfishly, it helps me too because it makes me feel like I am not all alone in how I am feeling. Hope your night went well!

[hobs209]

Jun 16, 2012 20:54:13 GMT -5 cemacmil said:

Good for you on the movie. I am doing the same thing tonight - watching Eclipse again

I had heard from my XMIL today about me and my mom taking DD to her house for the Father's Day weekend and got what felt like a snarky comeback about XH wanting the full 5 hours but "oh well he will take what he can get." Excuse me but my mother and I are driving 3 hours round trip and spending the 2.5 hour visit time in small town in a mcDonalds with wifi, paying for gas when your son is close to $1,000 behind in CS not to mention medical expenses, and DD needs to be in bed way before 9 thank you - don't worry about her inconvenience either. I expect that kind of comment comment from XH, but not from her. So I felt the roller coaster again tonight too. Feeling more whateves though now.

Whoa, you're a nicer person than I am! That's crazy.

[hobs209]

Jun 16, 2012 21:29:14 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

You are welcome! Selfishly, it helps me too because it makes me feel like I am not all alone in how I am feeling. Hope your night went well!

Definitely not alone! I sometimes feel really lonely and wonder if I'll find someone that I click with like I did my ex. The success stories on here give me hope though

[letyourselfgo]

Jun 16, 2012 23:57:43 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

Jun 16, 2012 21:29:14 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

You are welcome! Selfishly, it helps me too because it makes me feel like I am not all alone in how I am feeling. Hope your night went well!

Definitely not alone! I sometimes feel really lonely and wonder if I'll find someone that I click with like I did my ex. The success stories on here give me hope though

Ditto x infinity

As much as I try to stay stoic and hold myself accountable for not dating.....I still have a terrible fear of never having the privilege of having a man pursue me, tell me that he loves me, and wants to take me off of the market forever and not having to nag, chase, play games, lie or anything else to "push it along" or "make it happen".

Sigh. That's why I'm in therapy.....