Messykitchen, any updates?

[Captain Serious]

messykitchen

I've been thinking about you since your "taking in kids" thread the other day.  Did you reach out to the social worker and/or a lawyer?  What's going on with the girls' case?  Any information that you can share?

[messykitchen]

Captain Serious

Hi! I have reached out to the social worker, she seems encouraging that I can have temporary custody as no one in the immediate family is willing to take them in (which sickens me, but that's another story) I called my lawyer but she hasn't returned my call yet. The fact that I have been in the children's lives since day one and both parents want the girls to be with me seems to be helpful. Tomorrow I go in and do some paperwork, for a background check and I am not sure what else. This is all new to me and the caseworker was in a hurry, so I will know more tomorrow. I know approval won't happen overnight. I do know there's some classes I will have to take, which is no problem. I don't know any foster parents, so I am kind of flying blind on this. But I will do anything to give these girls a stable home, and if it's not with me, I pray I will be able to stay in their lives.

Thanks for thinking of me! I will try to do better at updating the board :-)

[Captain Serious]

That's great news. Feel free to ask me any questions about raising older children who have been traumatized/in the system. I don't know much about the state process, but I might be able to help with regards to issues parenting them.

[messykitchen]

I will be writing you for tips I am sure! I realize just because they know me, it won't be all sunshine and roses. These kids have been through hell, and seen things I wouldn't wish on my worst energy. The oldest one had her pelvis shattered when her mom ran into a sign high on like 15 xanex. That's when she lost the girls and they went to her mother. Thank god the baby wasn't hurt. The grandmother sent me a txt yesterday asking when I was going to "take these fucking kids" off of her hands. Hopefully that txt will also help me in my mission, because holy hell woman. Get a heart.

The more I write, the sadder I get. I just don't understand some people.

[speckledfrog]

Sounds like great progress.

[messykitchen]

Jul 10, 2013 21:05:21 GMT -5 @astrid said:

You mentioned you in Iowa so I will volunteer this one piece of advice. You should not do anything medical them until you have official state paper guardianship. They won't let you care for these girls or make medical decisions for them if you are not the guardian. Guardianship is messy and it can be hard to get, but you have to have it if you're going to be acting in that capacity. Make sure that is part of your process.

Thank you @astrid and great advice. My heart wants me to drive the two hours and take them now, but I know that could just backfire. I am doing everything the legal way, but it's breaking my heart making them wait, knowing how they are treated. However, I do not want to do anything to jeopardize my chances, so I am trying to be patient. But it is HARD.

[Captain Serious]

Jul 10, 2013 20:52:03 GMT -5 messykitchen said:

The more I write, the sadder I get. I just don't understand some people.

There's a belief in the adoption world, that all members of the triad (child, birth parents, and adoptive parents) experience grief. I didn't believe it would happen to me, since I wasn't adopting after infertility. Boy was I wrong. Coming to terms with my boys' realities and making them my own, and now dealing with the hurt the damage caused throughout our lives has caused me more pain than I could have imagined.

I'm not saying this to be a downer, but so that you can adequately prepare yourself. My boys are my saving grace, and have taught me so much about life, forgiveness, and my own abilities. They are my absolute joy. But with any situation in which a child cannot be raised by his/her birth family, their is pain.

[messykitchen]

Captain Serious Thank you for sharing this. I know it will be an emotional roller coaster for all of us, I have a 14 year old son as well who is unsure about the whole idea LOL. He knows and loves the girls too, but it will be a huge change in his life as well. I am looking into classes for him.

It's odd how full circle this has come in my own life. I am adopted, I gave a child up for adoption, and now I am wanting to take in these children. Emotions everywhere!

I will update after my meetings today. Wish me luck!

[Captain Serious]

Good luck, good luck, GOOD LUCK!!!

messykitchen I didn't know you were adopted or that you are a birth mother. I'm preaching to the choir, then! I'm sure you know most of this already.

[Deleted]

Messykitchen, you really are a fabulous mom! Knowing that this is going to impact your child at home you are still willing to help out 2 souls that really need it. There are not many people in this world that can do that and you have some kind of heart and love for these children . God Bless you and may you have a great hand in helping them out of their horrible situation. Hats off to you.

[sunshineray]

I just need to say that my heart is bursting with emotion over this. You are doing an incredible thing for these children and I'm sure your child already knows what a huge heart you have. I am wishing you all the best in this and I'm praying for a positive outcome, as well as for this to be resolved quickly. I can't imagine what those two little ones are feeling right now. ((Hugs))

[WOT?*]

I just want to add my voice to the chorus. You're an amazing person to do this for two already traumatized children who will likely have a lot of special needs because of what they've seen and lived through. And to also acknowledge that it will affect your son and know to remedy that at the outset is very farsighted. One thing they do in the process (at least here) is to ask the children in the home how they feel about placements in the home and other similar questions (my kids are adult and outside the home but they still asked and interviewed them); they want the children at home to be supportive and they acknowledge there will be growing pains while things get figured out.

[messykitchen]

Oh Ladies, this has been a hard day (not for this situation, I have an ill father) and all the support here is just filling my heart.

I have filled out all the paperwork I could today, and I have a home visit pending "sometime" Then hours and hours of classes, not necessarily in that order. It seems kind of disorganized. Caseworkers are overworked here, it seems.

It is funny. I was raped when I got pregnant with the daughter I gave up for adoption (but I am still very close to her) and was told I would not have any more children. Somehow I knew more kids would enter my life, someday. My calling has always been to be a mother. I never thought they would be my ex boyfriends children, but life works in mysterious ways. I have also been very spiritually bitter since the rape, and my heart is opening up in that way as well.

I don't want to give these girls a job of healing my pain, but just the possibility of them being here has softened me. My son is apprehensive, but I have always taught him you help if you can.

I just can't tell you how much everyone's support means to me. I am a private person, and don't put much of myself out there usually. I am glad I took the risk here, and at the risk of sounding stupid, I truly love you all.

More updates tomorrow. The grandmother is letting me come visit them, so I can't wait!

[Deleted]

Yay! Great update! Good luck with everything!

[Captain Serious]

Can't wait to hear more! You're doing great!

[isabel]

You are a really awesome person. Have fun visiting the girls tomorrow!