Friday vent: non-RSVPers

[Deleted]

We are having a party soon, and I have NO idea how much food to order.

We've invited about 45 people, and no more than a quarter have responded.  So I'm going through the list and just trying to estimate whether people will come, using past performance as an indicator.

Do I order food for the 12 people I know for sure will be there?  Do I order food for the 40 who COULD be there?  Do I split the difference and order food for 25?  GRRRRRR.

[Deleted]

[Deleted]

As much as we mocked my headmistress's speech on RSVP in high school, I appreciate where she was coming from now that I host my own parties.

[ECB]

If you asked for RSVP's, I'd call/email those people and say that you need to know if they are coming or not.

I really don't understand why this is such a problem.  I get it that people might not want to RSVP TOO far out - but at the same time, it's called "common courtesy".  Someone invited you over, they want to know if you're coming, so fricking tell them. 

[wawa]

I'd order food for the 40, but that's just how I roll with party food.

I've been eating leftovers from our BBQ all week and we've got about 5 lbs of pulled pork and 4 racks of ribs in the freezer.

Also...DOWN WITH NON RSVPERS!

[CrazyLucky]

I had this same vent with DH yesterday. Besides the expense of extra food you order for people who may or may not show up, who wants to deal with a ton of leftovers. A pox on them!

[caden]

That is so irritating.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 7:38:57 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

RESPOND, BITCHES!

[Deleted]

OK, I am ordering just shy of 15 pounds of sausages. Plus there will be sides. If we run out of food, I will make the non-RSVPers order pizza.

[IIOY]

Well, you already know this is one of my pet peeves in life, and I despise the fact that this seems to be a newly acceptable, or at least more common, form of behavior.  I'm going to sound all GOMY, but growing up, it was the odd one out who failed to RSVP to something.  I'm going to blame Millenials and their shit attitude. 

Anyway, I'm assy enough that I would contact the non-responders directly and say, "Well...?"  If you aren't up for that or, if is entirely possible, they still don't respond, I'm with wawa in that I'd order enough food just in case.  Nothing beats eating party leftovers for days. 

[msmerymac]

I'd split the difference. Also, not sure how it works in DC, but in LA people were chronically flaky, and usually a few who RSVPed yes wouldn't show up, some people who didn't RSVP would show up (probably waiting to see if they got a better offer than my party, fuckers), and usually some people would bring someone along with them who wasn't originally invited. I'm assuming you'll have about 20.

I over buy on food all the time, though. Can't let anyone go hungry. I'm like all the other women in my family...

[IIOY]

Jul 12, 2013 7:52:30 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

I'd split the difference. Also, not sure how it works in DC, but in LA people were chronically flaky, and usually a few who RSVPed yes wouldn't show up, some people who didn't RSVP would show up (probably waiting to see if they got a better offer than my party, fuckers), and usually some people would bring someone along with them who wasn't originally invited. I'm assuming you'll have about 20.

::adds LA to list of places I could never live::

[terpsfan]

I'm dealing with this issue right now too..hosting my sister's bridal shower in a few weeks. The only non RSVPers have been her college friends (they are all about 30 now so no beebee excuses). They even sent a group gift to my mom's house. We can't tell if it's a wedding gift or a shower gift or if they are planning to come to the shower or not (it was shipped from registry no note). RESPOND IDIOTS!

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 7:47:25 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I am ordering just shy of 15 pounds of sausages. Plus there will be sides. If we run out of food, I will make the non-RSVPers order pizza.

I'm looking at you, @mrsbecky07, pennypenny, and @soudesafinado!

[wawa]

Well. *I* would have RSVP'd. hmph.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 7:55:56 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

Jul 12, 2013 7:47:25 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I am ordering just shy of 15 pounds of sausages. Plus there will be sides. If we run out of food, I will make the non-RSVPers order pizza.

I'm looking at you, @mrsbecky07, pennypenny, and @soudesafinado!

I've gotta figure out the babysitting thing - it adds a different element to an RSVP! 

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 8:02:15 GMT -5 wawa said:

Well. *I* would have RSVP'd. hmph.

OK, I hadn't met you IRL when I sent out the invite.  And then I forgot to add you.

But you can come!  I just limited the guest list to people I've met IRL.

As it is, one of my work friends is WAY too curious as to how I've met all of my other friends.  I wanna be like, "SHUT UP, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SECRET INTERNET LIFE!"

[wawa]

Jul 12, 2013 8:04:49 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:02:15 GMT -5 wawa said:

Well. *I* would have RSVP'd. hmph.

OK, I hadn't met you IRL when I sent out the invite.  And then I forgot to add you.

But you can come!  I just limited the guest list to people I've met IRL.

As it is, one of my work friends is WAY too curious as to how I've met all of my other friends.  I wanna be like, "SHUT UP, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SECRET INTERNET LIFE!"

I figured.    I was just teasing.

[y4m]

Jul 12, 2013 7:55:56 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

Jul 12, 2013 7:47:25 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I am ordering just shy of 15 pounds of sausages. Plus there will be sides. If we run out of food, I will make the non-RSVPers order pizza.

I'm looking at you, @mrsbecky07, pennypenny, and @soudesafinado!

Does the lack of callout here mean I did successfully RSVP (no, unfortunately)?  Because now I can't find the invite.  

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 8:07:46 GMT -5 y4m said:

Jul 12, 2013 7:55:56 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

I'm looking at you, @mrsbecky07, pennypenny, and @soudesafinado!

Does the lack of callout here mean I did successfully RSVP (no, unfortunately)?  Because now I can't find the invite.  

It's a FB invite.*  I'm pretty sure you told me you were going to be out of town.  So at least in my head, yes, you successfully RSVP'd.

*I'm sure someone will say that the informality of this means an RSVP isn't necessary.  Whatever.  HOW MUCH MEAT DO I PURCHASE?!

[Velar Fricative]

I would call non-RSVPers (yes, actually CALL so that if they answer, they need to give you a reply right there on the spot) and ask if they're coming or not. Order food based on that number (adding extra, of course, just because it's always better to have too much food than too little food even if everyone does RSVP). If they give you a "maybe" without a legitimate reason, tell them if they show up they will be eating table scraps. 

And here's the thing, even if they do have a legitimate reason, they should be letting you know in advance. That shows they care and aren't merely waiting for a better offer.

I wish we could publicly shame all non-RSVPers.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 8:13:28 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:09:54 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

It's a FB invite.*  I'm pretty sure you told me you were going to be out of town.  So at least in my head, yes, you successfully RSVP'd.

*I'm sure someone will say that the informality of this means an RSVP isn't necessary.  Whatever.  HOW MUCH MEAT DO I PURCHASE?!

Well you don't need any meat for me. So at least there is that

Well, fuck.  I didn't realize there were any vegetarians coming at all.  We will have a cheese plate, though.  (Are you sensing what the theme for the party is?)

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 8:04:49 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:02:15 GMT -5 wawa said:

Well. *I* would have RSVP'd. hmph.

OK, I hadn't met you IRL when I sent out the invite.  And then I forgot to add you.

But you can come!  I just limited the guest list to people I've met IRL.

As it is, one of my work friends is WAY too curious as to how I've met all of my other friends.  I wanna be like, "SHUT UP, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SECRET INTERNET LIFE!"

OMG. one time, I had been at work for like a year, and I was going to meet wawa and zoegirl for drinks/dinner.  they had all made fun of my nesting but when I mentioned that I was going to - gasp - meet people from the internets IN PERSON they were completely and totally shocked and appalled.  I really think they thought I was going to get killed.  

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 8:14:30 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

I would call non-RSVPers (yes, actually CALL so that if they answer, they need to give you a reply right there on the spot)

Oh, hell naw.  I hate making phone calls - especially those likely to involve small talk - far more than I hate non-RSVPers.

[Deleted]

Jul 12, 2013 8:16:38 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:04:49 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I hadn't met you IRL when I sent out the invite.  And then I forgot to add you.

But you can come!  I just limited the guest list to people I've met IRL.

As it is, one of my work friends is WAY too curious as to how I've met all of my other friends.  I wanna be like, "SHUT UP, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SECRET INTERNET LIFE!"

OMG. one time, I had been at work for like a year, and I was going to meet wawa and zoegirl for drinks/dinner.  they had all made fun of my nesting but when I mentioned that I was going to - gasp - meet people from the internets IN PERSON they were completely and totally shocked and appalled.  I really think they thought I was going to get killed.  

This particular friend seems to think I'm going to get raped and killed for doing all manner of normal activities, so no way is she going to find out that I've met people online.

My work bestie knows (although not where) that some of my "friend of a friend" friends are actually internet friends, but only because we got completely wasted on bottomless mimosas one day and started confession all kinds of random shit to each other.

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 12, 2013 8:16:50 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:14:30 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

I would call non-RSVPers (yes, actually CALL so that if they answer, they need to give you a reply right there on the spot)

Oh, hell naw.  I hate making phone calls - especially those likely to involve small talk - far more than I hate non-RSVPers.

I hate actually talking on the phone too but it's worth it to shame people. It's easy for them to ignore texts or e-mails.

[IIOY]

Jul 12, 2013 8:16:38 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:04:49 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I hadn't met you IRL when I sent out the invite.  And then I forgot to add you.

But you can come!  I just limited the guest list to people I've met IRL.

As it is, one of my work friends is WAY too curious as to how I've met all of my other friends.  I wanna be like, "SHUT UP, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SECRET INTERNET LIFE!"

OMG. one time, I had been at work for like a year, and I was going to meet wawa and zoegirl for drinks/dinner.  they had all made fun of my nesting but when I mentioned that I was going to - gasp - meet people from the internets IN PERSON they were completely and totally shocked and appalled.  I really think they thought I was going to get killed.  

I didn't realize you worked with my husband.

[wawa]

Jul 12, 2013 8:16:38 GMT -5 @mrsbecky07 said:

Jul 12, 2013 8:04:49 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I hadn't met you IRL when I sent out the invite.  And then I forgot to add you.

But you can come!  I just limited the guest list to people I've met IRL.

As it is, one of my work friends is WAY too curious as to how I've met all of my other friends.  I wanna be like, "SHUT UP, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY SECRET INTERNET LIFE!"

OMG. one time, I had been at work for like a year, and I was going to meet wawa and zoegirl for drinks/dinner.  they had all made fun of my nesting but when I mentioned that I was going to - gasp - meet people from the internets IN PERSON they were completely and totally shocked and appalled.  I really think they thought I was going to get killed.  

The first time I ever met internet people IRL it was a big knot GTG in the city (Viley was there!) and I asked if anybody wanted to carpool.  So a fellow knottie totally just threw all caution to the wind and gave me her home address and then got in a car with me.  I did not murder her.   And during the drive we joked about the fact that I was not in fact going to murder her.  

We're still friends.  

[batsteph]

Since it's a FB invite, can you send each non-RSVPer a FB message to prod them? Less time than a phone call. If you do that, though, don't make it a group message. Send it privately to each person so they think they're the only ones causing you extra work.

[secretlyevil]

Jul 12, 2013 7:47:25 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

OK, I am ordering just shy of 15 pounds of sausages. Plus there will be sides. If we run out of food, I will make the non-RSVPers order pizza.

I think you should send out a mass email to the non-RSVPers, "hey trying to get a head count for food, please let me know either way by ____."

This is what non-RSVP says to me; "I'm waiting to see if I have a better offer come along." F you people.