So this is a first.

[emmybean]

I just got a facebook invitation to a good friends' father's memorial service.

This is how I found out her father passed.

The.

Fuck?

[druidp]

Facebook = the new Hallmark. "When you care enough but don't have time to handle paper."

[KateAggie]

Wow. Just...wow.

I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt here...like maybe she's too upset to tell people...but then, PM your close friends and say "I'm sorry to share this in this way, I'm just having a tough time," or employ her BFF to handle breaking the news and sharing the info or something, anything other than a FB invite.

The fuck is right.

[dylanite]

Yeah that's pretty ridiculous but her mind is elsewhere. She gets a pass.

[Deleted]

Jun 16, 2012 0:07:02 GMT -5 druidp said:

Facebook = the new Hallmark. "When you care enough but don't have time to handle paper."

Um, really?

Since when are people supposed to send out written invitations to their parents funerals? I have never received a written notification of anyone's death - who has time to make funeral arrangements AND send out written notices in a couple of days?

Frankly, I don't think the burden is on the bereaved to invite anyone other than immediate family to a memorial ceremony. The burden is on the friends of the bereaved to spread the word, and to keep up on these things by reading the newspaper in the first place.

And I can't roll my eyes hard enough at the idea that this girl is guilty of some faux pas by not being thoughtful enough about the way she tells her friends that her father died. Poor, poor friends, to suffer so.

[basilosaurus]

We just got the same and merely felt sorry for the friend.

[2vermont]

This thread just shows me how clueless I am about how the word does get out. I would think that in situations where someone has been sick that everyone close enough would already know about that and keep tabs on the friend/family member. By doing so, they would learn of the death and subsequent funeral arrangements.

[karinothing]

When my mom passed, I think I told two friends and then just posted it on Myspace. Do you know how horrible it is to call people and tell them your parent died? Honestly, I could barely get out of bed let alone stop crying long enough to talk to people. It was a lot less heartbreaking for me to post it on-line than to deal with people IRL.

[hopecounts]

When my grandmother died the only people we directly told were family members everyone else found out via the obit/word of mouth/ or figured it out from Facebook posts from myself and my sibllings.

We were thinking of ourselves during a very difficult time and just trying to get through it, no judgment for the poor woman who is dealing with her father DYING right now.

[MixedBerryJam]

When my husband died I posted it on fb. He had been sick for a long time and people knew to look for Caring Bridge updates there. While it felt weird doing it, I was in no condition to call friends individually.

I didn't post it until friends and family had passed the news along to those closest to us, though.

Welcome to the 21st century.

[emmybean]

It doesn't much matter to me how or if anyone chooses to announce the death of a loved one. I am a little annoyed that the first post she made about her father's passing was deemed less important than the latest "like this pic if you think this three legged dog is beautiful" meme, and therefore not shown to me by Facebook---making the invitation alert on my phone to his memorial a little more jarring and hollow feeling than it would have otherwise. I also think it's somewhat odd to see people RSVPing to his memorial service like it's a tupperware party... but that apparently is what is done in the 21st century, so so be it.

[Michelle]

FB invitation = awkward. Posting an obit on your FB page to get the word out as quickly as possible = utilizing technology = smart IMO. Before FB you would call a friend and ask for help spreading the word. This cuts out the middle man.

If you cared about the person deeply and found out they died by way of FB, I can understand it hurting. But as pp have said, when you are grieving, you are just trying to get through the day. When my mom dies someday I will call whichever of my 2 BFFs I can reach first and will ask them to spread the word and everyone else can leavemethefuckalone because I will be doing everything I can to stay off a nervous breakdown and put on a brave face for my kid.

[ttt]

I do think a FB invite is odd, mostly because I associate FB invites with fun, frivolous stuff. It doesn't really seem like an appropriate medium for something solemn. But it's not really offensive, just odd, and I tend to give grieving people a pass on things anyway.

[SusanBAnthony]

Also, I hate calling to annouce a death. People won't get off the ffrigging phone. They want to tell you over and over how sorry they are, cAn they do anything to help, etc. times a billion people, it gets really old. And wasn't the old fashioned way of announcing a funeral to put it in the obit in the paper? I assume very few people read the obits, so most people under the Ge of 70 would never see it.

[KateAggie]

I still stand by the idea that there are far more appropriate ways to share this news, even using FB. But an invite? No. That to me is the equivalent of using the actual "evite" site. You could send a PM, same amount of time, no need to repeat yourself, etc. Or even a regular post. But an invite with RSVPs? I would feel the same as Emmy.