Can I vent about my mom again? (@-R)

[redheadbaker]

Today was the last day of DS' first round of swim classes. On the last day, they invite friends and family to sit on the pool deck and watch/take pictures. So, I invited my parents. 

We were supposed to have our first grief support group meeting tomorrow, so the plan was the DS would go home with my parents after swim class for a sleepover. 

Our meeting got canceled, but they still wanted to take DS home with them. Fine with us. 

So, I'm putting DS' diaper bag and overnight bag in the back of their car in the YMCA parking lot while my mom straps DS into the carseat. I come around to kiss him goodbye, and they have him forward-facing (he's 19 months and 26 pounds). I commented that he's still rear-facing in our cars, and my mom said she couldn't get it tight enough rear-facing. 

I let them drive off with him like that, all the while screaming at myself inside my head to tell them to stop, that one of us would re-install it rear-facing. 

What would you have done? 

[pescalita]

My mom drives a Mini and was giving us a lot of grief for still rear-facing (admittedly, it's ridiculously hard to get him in and out. I had to climb into the back seat to do it for her, which was becoming more difficult). Lucky for us a) she can't install them herself and b) we just switched it to my grandma's 4 door Buick, and now it's fine.

It's a hard line to draw, it can be hard for older people to wrap their heads around newer safety standards. I normally hate this kind of argument, but just a few year ago most one year olds were forward facing, so you've done better than a lot.

[redheadbaker]

Jul 20, 2013 10:50:18 GMT -5 @bunnybean said:

Don't be hard on yourself about it! I am sure all will be well!

I know they made it home safely. I already called   pretending I couldn't remember if I had packed him pajamas or not. 

[MrsAxilla]

Jul 20, 2013 10:58:12 GMT -5 pescalita said:

It's a hard line to draw, it can be hard for older people to wrap their heads around newer safety standards. I normally hate this kind of argument, but just a few year ago most one year olds were forward facing, so you've done better than a lot.

Yeah, Ben was definitely forward at 19 months.  He survived.  Who knows?  By the time this next kid is 19 months, the standards may have changed again.  

[penguingrrl]

Ugh, that's annoying. But as long as it was properly installed, the shoulder straps were at the correct level and the harness was tight I would probably have let it go. My kids had to turn FF in my aunt's car at 18 months (they rarely rode in that car) because they're crazy long torsoed and outgrew her classic marathon RF by then. Neither made it to 3 RF in a radian due to height. Both are fine. DS will also RF as long as the radian allows and I'm hoping he's a shorty, but after 2 I don't stress as much about occasional rides FF.

[SusanBAnthony]

I would have left it FF, unless she drives him on a weekly basis. For the occasional drive I just can't get worked up about it. When DS was a baby they still said one yea.r and everyone I knew only rf to one year. Of course rf is safer, I know that, but you just can't be perfectly safe about every single thing. This is definitely one that I would let go.

[frlcb]

Considering the law is 20 lbs and 1 year, and it is just a recommendation to keep them that way til 2, I would have let it go. We kept both kids rf'ing until 2, but if they had to ride ff'ing at 19 months for some reason I would have done it. If she starts driving him regularly I would reinstall it rf'ing for her.

[heyjude]

I think it's better for it to be tighter and FF than loose and RF. And it's not always possible to get a tight fit RF in all cars and all seats. We had this problem a few weeks ago when we were traveling on the east coast. We simply couldn't get a tight fit in the car we were in while RF. So she was forward facing. She was 18 months. She survived. The RF until 2 recommendation is just that, a recommendation.

[ttt]

Yes, rear facing is safER but it's not like she had him bouncing around in the car unrestrained. Forward facing in a properly installed car sear is not UNsafe. So for a one-time drive, I don't think it's a big deal.

[heyjude]

Jul 20, 2013 11:57:37 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

stop and install it properly. Why could you not do this? 

(not bagging on you; do you have a terrible mom/daughter relationship?) This is your kid, that was not the safest thing. 

Because its not always possible.

[redheadbaker]

Jul 20, 2013 12:39:56 GMT -5 ttt said:

Yes, rear facing is safER but it's not like she had him bouncing around in the car unrestrained. Forward facing in a properly installed car sear is not UNsafe. So for a one-time drive, I don't think it's a big deal.

Thanks guys. I know this, I just needed to hear it.

Sent from my DROID3 using proboards

[ringstrue]

Some older RF kids will kick and push the back of the seat and loosen the belts slowly but surely. They are also more entertained FF and don't just sit and perma-scream in the back, which honestly, I don't get how that is a safe environment in which to be a driver anyway. I get all the benefits of RF but its not always the safEST options in all scenarios.

[laurenpetro]

Our ped rec'd FF at their 18 month appt. so to say, I wouldn't have been bothered.

[somersault72]

I probably would have been a little annoyed--my mom kept DS rear facing as long or longer than I did. However, I would have let it (and him) go. Don't beat yourself up over this.