I am LIVID!!!!

[prettyinpink]

My husband's cousin got married today. No one in the family knew. I found out over FB and called E who is at his parents so he could tell MIL and MIL could call E's grandfather. I don't care if you don't want us there just at least tell your grandfather about your wedding!!!!!

[basilosaurus]

I wouldn't personally be livid if it was my cousin, but I would be if I was the parent or grandparent.

However, devil's advocate, does the family actually get along? Maybe there's a reason to exclude grandpa. Like, I know of someone whose grandfather molested her, yet she's pressured by family to keep inviting him, even though they know the history. Not that I'm saying that's the situation here, but maybe there's a legit reason to exclude family?

[nsl]

Jun 16, 2012 19:09:01 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

I wouldn't personally be livid if it was my cousin, but I would be if I was the parent or grandparent.

However, devil's advocate, does the family actually get along? Maybe there's a reason to exclude grandpa. Like, I know of someone whose grandfather molested her, yet she's pressured by family to keep inviting him, even though they know the history. Not that I'm saying that's the situation here, but maybe there's a legit reason to exclude family?

This. And really, unless you're close to your H's cousin, I think getting livid over this is a bit of an overreaction. Let her family figure out how they feel about this first.

[meltoine]

Meh. My cousin did something similar. He got married, took a photo of himself and his new wife, and mailed it to his mom with a note saying they had gotten married. She was shocked, but still happy for him.

To each their own.

[prettyinpink]

H's cousin and he have always been pretty close. Until cousin's mom died he was close to the family but has since sorted parted ways. I'm more so livid that his grandfather wasn't invited or told more so than the rest of the family. However the dynamic of E's family is weird and I haven't quite figured them all out yet ( we've been together 7 years and I still have yet to figure this out) so I guess as long as no one else is upset I have no reason to be. Thanks for letting me vent girls.

[basilosaurus]

I've known H for 13 years and still don't quite get his family. The understanding I've come to is that I should never expect anything based on my own family. So, if they don't celebrate holidays nor send presents or cards, if they don't speak to each other for months but still love each other dearly, that's totally ok with me. I think you'll eventually get used to it.

The one thing that was weird for me was that after my MIL died, we didn't hear from the stepdad who'd been in H's life since he was about 10. I finally called him just a week ago, and it had been almost 2 years since he spoke to anyone in her family. I don't get it, but it's not my place to push or judge.

[Dumbledork]

Jun 16, 2012 19:47:08 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

I've known H for 13 years and still don't quite get his family. The understanding I've come to is that I should never expect anything based on my own family. So, if they don't celebrate holidays nor send presents or cards, if they don't speak to each other for months but still love each other dearly, that's totally ok with me. I think you'll eventually get used to it.

The one thing that was weird for me was that after my MIL died, we didn't hear from the stepdad who'd been in H's life since he was about 10. I finally called him just a week ago, and it had been almost 2 years since he spoke to anyone in her family. I don't get it, but it's not my place to push or judge.

The first part is my family, the second is K's.

K's family. Well, he was raised by his bio-gpa and step-gma. He was raised to know them as mom and dad though. Anyway, they'd been married around 30 years when his dad died, almost 4 years ago. MIL hasn't talked to anyone on FIL's side of the family since the funeral.

But back to the first part, I talk to my parents every week, but I really only hear from anyone else (sisters, grandparents, everyone) on major holidays or events. We share our news with one another through my mom or fb.

For example, when I went into labor with Bean, I didn't call my mom until about an hour after she was born. She called everyone else for me while I took a nap. Two of my sisters have had JOP weddings and didn't tell anyone until after it was good and done.

I guess we just feel like as long as people find out, it's no big deal how it's done. Excepts deaths. Finding out about a death should be done in person or over the phone.

[brandienee]

If I could go back, I would have done it in a similiar fashion. Maybe not FB announced it before immediate family, but eloping then announcing later.

[amaristella]

Maybe it's just our personalities, but when DH and I got married it was our special little thing. We only purposely told our parents beforehand and anyone else who found out in advance found out incidentally. For example, my coworkers knew because I requested a week off to go on a honeymoon.

I grew up having been taught that a wedding can be as public or as private as the couple desires and there's no reason to judge them for it. (Unless they try to hide it afterward, then that's just weird.)

[prettyinpink]

All these things make sense ladies but they had a big wedding with friends and her family and his Dad's side there. Otherwise I agree it can be as private as you want it to be. Its just that his grandfather wasn't invited that bothers me.

[nsl]

Jun 17, 2012 22:07:35 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

All these things make sense ladies but they had a big wedding with friends and her family and his Dad's side there. Otherwise I agree it can be as private as you want it to be. Its just that his grandfather wasn't invited that bothers me.

If this is true then it's far more likely that there is a very, very good reason why the grandfather wasn't invited. That reason is probably none of your business.

[prettyinpink]

Jun 18, 2012 7:42:14 GMT -5 nsl said:

Jun 17, 2012 22:07:35 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

All these things make sense ladies but they had a big wedding with friends and her family and his Dad's side there. Otherwise I agree it can be as private as you want it to be. Its just that his grandfather wasn't invited that bothers me.

If this is true then it's far more likely that there is a very, very good reason why the grandfather wasn't invited. That reason is probably none of your business.

I actually had an email from cousin this morning. He apologized for things I didn't think needed an apology and explained a few things to me. It was helpful to see where he was coming from ( you all should know the only thing I did was congratulate them and ask for their mailing address so E and I could send a gift, I said nothing about anything else.) His life has been so hard and unfortunately E's side of the family has made it harder so he is trying to start over but would like to remain in contact with E and myself.