My absent father wants to friend me on FB!!!!!

[summer]

On FATHER'S DAY! What. The. Fuck?! I can't even process this. I've seen this dude but twice in my life for about 10 mins each. He fought child support- maybe made 4 payments? I been taking care of my mom and her myriad issues from childhood 'til today and raised myself and put myself through college, and buried my grandparents and stepped up to take care of every family "challenge" we've ever had and he ain't never said Boo to me, called, or nothing, except for one 5 min phone call in grad school-literally one of 3 in my life -and in that phone call he just told me all the wrong decisions I was making.

And it's not like he didn't know where I was. I grew up on the same block as his since deceased brother, I still talk to my cousins and introduced DD to his half sisters last summer. But THIS is how he's contacting me? I'm 37! Friend him on Facebook? He has got to be kidding.

I have effin seen it all now.

[cotner]

DHs mom did the same shit to him. I have my privacy settings to where I don't show up in searches. She has tried to friend all of DHs family, but I don't want her to find us. I don't ever want her to see a pic of my children. She found him right before our wedding and it was horrible on him. The woman just up and left him, his dad, brother and her child from a previous relationship, never to be heard from till 7 years ago. Then she tried to play it off all cool and expected him to react like nothing happened. She once left a voicemail fuming about him ignoring her and said, "you weren't raised that way". REALLY!?!

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe he's trying, totally the wrong way, but maybe? Ugh, I have no sound advise, I just understand a little.

[2vermont]

I can't help feeling the passive aggressiveness here. I mean he did this not on any day, but on Father's Day. I think if it were any other day, it would still get a and a , but being Father's Day it's extra special.

I always want to think the best of people, but I know that some people need to remain out of our lives for our health. Although I don't have the greatest relationship with my father, I can not put myself in your shoes. However, I think I would think about this once I got over the very understandable shock and anger you are experiencing.

Although a pretty awful way to do it, maybe he does want to reconnect but doesn't want a confrontation. Maybe this could lead to a reconciliation and at least some sort of relationship. I' m not saying you should open yourself to any further abuse, but there may come a day when you will ask yourslef why you didn't do something with this...even if it was to see where it went. I find myself thinking like this more and more as I get older and I see my parents gets older and closer to the end of their lives.

ETA: Huh, my post seems contradictory...probably reflects my own confusion regarding my relationshp with my father through the years.

[summer]

I totally understood you, 2V.

I need to sit on it awhile and then I'll write him an email and ask for his information and contact him when I want to in a way I'm comfortable with.

But dude better come correct when I contact him because I'm way too old for any more parent BS.

[laurenpetro]

did he at least send you a message or is it just a friend request?

[2vermont]

Jun 17, 2012 7:57:57 GMT -5 summer said:

I totally understood you, 2V.

I need to sit on it awhile and then I'll write him an email and ask for his information and contact him when I want to in a way I'm comfortable with.

But dude better come correct when I contact him because I'm way too old for any more parent BS.

I think that's a great idea. Contact him when you are in a better place.

[summer]

Jun 17, 2012 8:36:12 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

did he at least send you a message or is it just a friend request?

Just a friend request. Just like that. Like "click", yaay, now you can see my life.

[gpw]

Jun 17, 2012 8:50:12 GMT -5 2vermont said:

Jun 17, 2012 7:57:57 GMT -5 summer said:

I totally understood you, 2V.

I need to sit on it awhile and then I'll write him an email and ask for his information and contact him when I want to in a way I'm comfortable with.

But dude better come correct when I contact him because I'm way too old for any more parent BS.

I think that's a great idea. Contact him when you are in a better place.

People change. They have regret sometimes. By no means does that mean you need to indulge those changes or regrets or his need to (possibly) apologize for his actions.

Contact, if you want to, and do it in a time and place when you're comfortable. Good luck.

[laurenpetro]

Jun 17, 2012 9:05:43 GMT -5 summer said:

Jun 17, 2012 8:36:12 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

did he at least send you a message or is it just a friend request?

Just a friend request. Just like that. Like "click", yaay, now you can see my life.

8-D

stupid men.

[Jermys]

I could have written that first post but for a few minor changes. And if my sperm donor friended me on Facebook, I would laugh in his fucking face. There is no way I would allow him to see my children or my family, and for damn sure I wouldn't be interested in knowing him.

[Michelle]

Agree with 2V2 on passive aggressive bs. On the "estranged father" thread I posted a link to estranged father cards. Some of those are appropriate for this. Or you could just make a someecard, reply to his FB friend request to a link, and let him see a message like this, "It's father's day. Your sperm allowed me to be here. Then you scrammed. Thanks for both. Happy Father's Day."