What guarantees a 2nd date

[doriswe]

This article ( yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=7447&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1338580 ) was on yahoo this morning and I can see their point on all but this one:

“We had nothing in common — but wow, was he attentive”
“My blind date was going nowhere fast: I didn’t feel much chemistry when I met him for dinner, and it was obvious after the movie we saw ended that we didn’t even have the same taste in film. Next, he invited me to his place for coffee. Normally, I’d pull the plug, but he seemed really into me, so I went. Once we were inside, he went right to the fridge and pulled out a carton of strawberries, blueberries and a bag of grapes. I smirked and said, ‘What’s with all the fruit?’ His answer floored me: ‘Well, on the phone you mentioned how much you love fruit.’ His attentiveness made up for everything else and at that moment, I knew date number two would happen.”
— Pat Baronowski, 38, New York City

Lesson learned: Put some advanced listening skills into practice
Anyone with half a brain knows that listening to one’s date is important, and many of us do so (at least most of the time) by nodding and asking follow-up questions to what the person has just said. But if you want to really show the object of your affection how much you’re smitten, refer back to something he or she has mentioned hours — or even days — earlier (even if this is your first date, you’ve probably exchanged email messages or had a phone conversation you could comb for ideas). If your date talked about loving spicy food, for example, suggest that you dine at a Thai place that’ll fire up her taste buds. Or, if he mentioned an important office meeting earlier that week, be sure to ask him during your date: “So, how’d that big meeting at your office go?” As Pat’s story proves, this level of thoughtfulness will keep even wary dates so flattered they’ll stick around, thereby almost guaranteeing you’ll get yet another chance to wow this person during date #2.

Things I agree with: listening is important and retaining information is awesome.

Things I disagree with: Blind date story where she's not feeling the guy and yet agrees to go back to his place....and then is suddenly wowed by him having fruit available to her based on a conversation they had on the phone. Does anyone else think this could be the start of "and then they found her mutilated body in the dumpster"?

[cemacmil]

I don't know.

Yes this is coming from someone who has a second date almost lined up (waiting on sitter) for Tuesday from Thursday. Yes we had awesome conversation, he was attentive, we were both feeling it, and kissed/kind of made out at the end.

I am going into the second date with some mental caution - he has been initiating text, and I just called him because one of the texts mentioned call me if you ever want to talk/chat about anything. A couple things are radaring me a bit about him though - 1)when he mentioned working with almost all women and having a secretary he sounded like he really enjoyed having people offer to do things for him - and this chica is no longer a caretaker of grown men and is fairly independent, 2) he just said on the phone (signal was going in and out so he wasn't sure if I had "hung up on him" said jokingly) that he sometimes just walks away from "dying conversations" at work by doing the "what?" when walking away thing. That second one just seems rude - no matter how annoying the coworker and kind of a weird thing to tell someone.

So I think no chemistry at all = no 2nd date. Good convo, some chemistry, but a couple possible flags for either party = possible 2nd date to see if the person is really what their flags show or not. Chemistry, plus good convo, plus no flags = definate second date (I think).

I was actually going to start a post when I saw yours.....I had a great phone date, pretty great date with physical chemistry but a couple of flags in between that might lead me to think he is too conceeded for me. I feel like it is at least worth a Panera like 2nd date to explore more, but I also think we are both holding back on what we really want to talk about (what do you want out of life/relationships, etc) but feel it is not socially something you do quite yet. But my time is my time and I don't want to wait forever figuring that out of someone.

So that was long but open to opinions please! Also kind of crazy emotional past few days following 1st date - unrelated to date, just FYI.

[katiecj]

I think the point is correct, but the example is creepy.

[starburst604]

Agreed that example is kind of weird. So he was just expecting the woman to come back to his place on a first date? And why did she if she wasn't feeling him? On my first date with my bf we met at a bar/restaurant and he came in with this gift bag. After a few minutes of chatting I asked what was in the bag and he handed it to me. On our phone conversations prior to meeting I was usually out in my garden and talked a bit about how much I enjoy gardening. The gift bag had gardening gloves, some plant food and such. It was kind of fitting because he's an environmental scientist, and deals with lots of soil testing. I was really impressed that he had paid attention to that in our conversations. But, if I hadn't liked him aside from that I don't think it would have guaranteed another date. Lucky for him we had the best first date ever. I still laugh every time I think of this 6'6" guy walking into the restaurant holding a pink bag with flowers on it.

[mandimija]

Jun 17, 2012 20:09:53 GMT -5 katiecj said:

I think the point is correct, but the example is creepy.

QFT. As attentive and considerate as BF was on our first date, I'm not sure that those qualities alone would have earned an automatic second date had there been no chemistry.