The time I responded to a FB crazy, and what made him crazy

[Wrath0fKuus]

I told this story once before on Wedding Woes, when we had a poll about how it goes when a friend randomly confesses love in real life vs in a romcom, but it's applicable here, too.

This is the story of when a friend randomly confessed his love for me like in the movies but not, except that I don't even know that we were exactly friends at the time. I mean, maybe we were becoming friends, but basically he was this guy who sat next to me in a class, with whom I chit-chatted a little before and after class. He had actually asked me for my number in the first week of class, but I said that I had a boyfriend and no thanks, and I thought that was that.

I was wrong. On the last day of class, he asked if I'd like to grab a snack at the soup stand afterward, and of course, I agreed. He'd mentioned that he had written an original screenplay, and I figured this was when he was going to let me read it and tell him what I thought. Wrong again.

So I get my biscuit and orange juice and sit down, and he starts pacing in front of me (I thought maybe he was going to do a dramatic recitation, which would be awkward enough), then blurts out that he's in love with me and couldn't bear the thought of the class being over and never seeing me again. You can imagine what my face looks like at this point. I mean, wtf at "in love" - we barely knew each other. But of course he "just knew" like your average 19 year old beebee. I told him that I still had the same boyfriend that I had told him about at the beginning of the semester, and that all I had to offer anyone was friendship, and he agreed that it was better than nothing, but asked that I please at least consider him as a boyfriend rather than dismissing him out of hand. Because my boyfriend at the time was Dumpster Dave, I agreed to think about it, but warned him that the chances that I would change my mind were slim to none.

So anyway, he gets my phone number out of the school directory and calls me a few days later. I gave this another wtf face, but as I was a lot nicer as an 18 year old than I am now, I tactfully didn't mention it or his dramatic confession, and we actually had a good conversation about the hermeneutic values of different movies and books. Over about two months we got to be actual friends, I thought, and I assumed that now that he does know me he doesn't have this idea of a fantasy girl with my face that he's in love with any more. Wrong yet again. Abruptly he called me one night and gave me this dramatic "it's Dumpster Dave or me" speech, and I hung up on him, and he called over and over for the next few hours (based on the messages on the machine; I turned the ringer off on the phone after the third call). He called the next day and asked what my decision was, and I told him neither of them and to never call me again, and oddly, he listened.


Epilogue to come soon

[Wrath0fKuus]

The epilogue:

So in 2010 (over a decade after the events above), I open my Facebook, and there's a friend request from this guy, with private message attached. I laughed like a loon for a good five minutes, and then opened the message. It was an apology for how he'd behaved back then, and a statement of understanding if I didn't want to accept the friend request, but if I did, then he'd love to catch up via computer. Figuring that you all would hear this story eventually, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one, I accepted.

After the initial hey, how are you, etc. via instant chat, he got to the meat of it: he was having love life troubles, and remembered that I was smart and wanted some advice. See that story above? Make it the same exact story, but change me to some coworker of his that is 21 (over a decade younger than him), and change her boyfriend from Dumpster Dave to some 30 year old skateboard riding dude who steals drugs from pharmacies. And you guys, whyyyyy does this keep happening to him? WHY?! They're meant to be together, he just knows it, and if only he could get her to see that and dump her boyfriend for him, life would be perfect.

After I stopped laughing enough to at least no longer be doubled over, I told him that he was the problem here, and gave him every excruciating detail about how I felt about the experience I'd had in college with him confessing and whatnot, and told him that she's never ever ever going to date him, and that I admired how tactful yet clear she was being in her lack of intention toward him. And I told him that if he hadn't progressed at all emotionally in his interactions with women since he was 19, then he needed more help than I could offer and should consult a professional (not a hooker; I was very clear about that).

I was like, where are your friends and why aren't they telling you this?! to which he replied that only one of his friends believed in him. She too was in a challenging relationship (with a married man), but her psychic assured her that both her relationship and my college buddy's sitch would end in a happily ever after. (This response, IMO, was hilarious, and what changed my mind from "I'll talk to him just this once for the story" to "this is entertaining enough to talk to him every few weeks or so".)

Long story short, he appreciated it, we kept in touch, he did get some mega therapy, and is now in a long-term relationship with a woman who said yes to the first offer for a date, and it looks like that's getting serious.

[Deleted]

Ohh this Kuus story sounds familiar to me.

ETA - OH great that your advice helped him. 

[Muddled]

Poor guy. All those crazy women stomping all over his open heart.

[cuddlyevil]

LOL @ "A professional - NOT a hooker".

[jojoandleo]

I had the guy I thought was my friend until I got engaged and he sent me a long hateful FB message about how I was impulsive and too young to get married and making a mistake. Told me I was going in with my eyes closed and how could I! marriage is an archaic ritual that no one should do! Then he proposed to his girlfriend and got married.

Facebook-bringing out the crazies!

[gozf]

This is amazing!!

[spindle92]

Tears streaming down my face!




Sent from my SCH-I545 using proboards

[PinkSquirrel]

Hahaha awesome. Now, tell us more about Dumpster Dave because I haven't heard the stories about him, but with a name like that it must be good

[starburst604]

How come my crazy exes approach me via LinkedIn instead of FB like normal crazies. Instead of getting poked I get "endorsed".

[winning]

This is even better than I expected.  (heart)  :drink:

[imoan]

This might be right up there with The Death Candle!