Future TTC/$/Job rant of doom!!!

[devotchka]

Seeing all the TTC/preggo talk is exciting but TBH, I am a little nerve-wracked. Part of me wants to start trying again this year or early next year but I feel like we can't yet. We talked about trying to have a 3 year (ish) gap between our kids, so we would officially want to start next year. However, there are issues.

First - health insurance related: I have zero benefits through my current (PT) job (which makes me mad, but it is what it is...) so I have cobra insurance leftover from my job that I quit last year, and I think I can have it for a total of 18 months since it started last fall (correct me if I'm wrong.) So in order to get benefits and be covered for my next pregnancy (and possible c-section even though I am going for a VBAC) - I want to have a full time job first, but Max will be in part time preschool until the end of next Spring. So I can't even start looking for a FT job until Spring (unless I want to fill in the gaps of preschool w/ a nanny and it's just going to be expensive and confusing for him, I think... and frankly we're not ready), and I'm nervous about that. It took me more than 6 months to find my current PT job - and although it's easier to get something while you are already working, I'm just wondering if it's going to slow down all our plans. 

I also am just sad about not being able to be home w/ him at all next year and wonder WTF we will do w/ kid #2 when it comes to daycare. I feel like I should have done more thinking/planning for this before I had kids but frankly, we didn't know we would get pregnant so quickly w/ Max (2nd cycle/round of TTC) - we got lucky, but it also threw us for a loop. Instead of saving, we ended up just paying off our debts while I was pregnant. Unfortunately since I was home w/ him, we've accumulated some again. Sigh... 

I am definitely still thinking ahead but it's just making me realize that both kids will probably be in some sort of daycare and that makes me sad. I've always wanted to stay home through the preschool years w/ my kids and I wish we were able to do that. I wish DH was more of a "shark" when it comes to jobs and would try harder to get a better job. Right now he is still at a contractor job that he got when I was pregnant that isn't full time, he has no paid PTO and shitty benefits. He has his PhD in biochemistry but it took him 2 yrs to get a job out of grad school bc he got out at the worst time of the recession, so it still seems like he is behind in salary as a result. I feel like we will never be able to buy a house, etc. 

I know these are all "middle class problems" - but it's just how I am feeling rt now. My Mom couldn't buy a house until she was 50. Of course we emigrated in the late 80s so she came here in her 30s but I know how things go - it's possible we will never be able to afford the kind of life we want. I feel like I want to go back to school and do something that is more stable financially but it will take a LOT of school and I feel like now I can't bc of $ and childcare, etc.

ETA: Just generally frustrated. Anyone feel like they know they want more kiddos but not sure if they can and when, etc?

[lolaburns]

I know this sounds cliche, but things always have a way of falling into place.it may not be easy , but things usually work out.

I feel you on the stress and wonder. I would like 3. I worry about the financial hardship, being able to juggle it all and I feel like I have *tick*toc *tic*toc blaring loudly in my ear.

[Deleted]

Totally feel this way. This is the first 3 months where we weren't paycheck to paycheck since Brady was 2 months old. I'm so thankful I get to take Brady to work with me but with baby number 2 I would have to start an inhome childcare which I'm not completely opposed to just would be harder logistically. I wouldnt get fmla or any paid maternity leave Plus I want to finish school and dh wants to start grad school fall 2015. We wanted them 2 years apart but now it might be 3. Also dh has crappy hours at work

[devotchka]

Jul 30, 2013 22:01:12 GMT -5 @jayhawkali said:

Totally feel this way. This is the first 3 months where we weren't paycheck to paycheck since Brady was 2 months old. I'm so thankful I get to take Brady to work with me but with baby number 2 I would have to start an inhome childcare which I'm not completely opposed to just would be harder logistically. I wouldnt get fmla or any paid maternity leave Plus I want to finish school and dh wants to start grad school fall 2015. We wanted them 2 years apart but now it might be 3. Also dh has crappy hours at work

I was thinking of you and our talk when I wrote this :- ) Thank goodness for not being paycheck to paycheck! Feels good, right? We were in such a desperate place rt before we got married (H didn't get a job until a few months before our wedding - ha!) and I feel like we haven't felt relief since then for one reason or another. 

Dude, if you had an in-home daycare you know I would be the first to line up at your door (a week before you opened... that's creepy)... right?  

Do people just go for it w/o ironing out this stuff? 

[devotchka]

Jul 30, 2013 21:25:42 GMT -5 lolaburns said:

I know this sounds cliche, but things always have a way of falling into place.it may not be easy , but things usually work out.

I feel you on the stress and wonder. I would like 3. I worry about the financial hardship, being able to juggle it all and I feel like I have *tick*toc *tic*toc blaring loudly in my ear.

No, you're totally right - a great example: Just 2 wks ago, I was freaking out about leaving him w/ a sitter that I barely knew (even though she was a friend of a friend) and then literally at the 11th hour, my good friend offered to babysit him while I work in the summer and he's not in preschool yet. It just worked out! 

Tick tock indeed! I feel you on that one. 

[thedahliharpa]

So Cal problems right? A lot of people in our age group are struggling with this sort of thing. I feel like the smart ones leave the state and we are just too dumb to do the same. I'm sorry you have these concerns but you are not alone.

[Deleted]

Jul 30, 2013 22:28:29 GMT -5 devotchka said:

Jul 30, 2013 22:01:12 GMT -5 @jayhawkali said:

Totally feel this way. This is the first 3 months where we weren't paycheck to paycheck since Brady was 2 months old. I'm so thankful I get to take Brady to work with me but with baby number 2 I would have to start an inhome childcare which I'm not completely opposed to just would be harder logistically. I wouldnt get fmla or any paid maternity leave Plus I want to finish school and dh wants to start grad school fall 2015. We wanted them 2 years apart but now it might be 3. Also dh has crappy hours at work

I was thinking of you and our talk when I wrote this :- ) Thank goodness for not being paycheck to paycheck! Feels good, right? We were in such a desperate place rt before we got married (H didn't get a job until a few months before our wedding - ha!) and I feel like we haven't felt relief since then for one reason or another. 

Dude, if you had an in-home daycare you know I would be the first to line up at your door (a week before you opened... that's creepy)... right?  

Do people just go for it w/o ironing out this stuff? 

I wish we lived closer!!!! Dh and I said there's probably no perfect time to have a baby but somehow it works out. Looking forward to hanging out again Friday!

[devotchka]

Jul 30, 2013 22:46:16 GMT -5 thedahliharpa said:

So Cal problems right? A lot of people in our age group are struggling with this sort of thing. I feel like the smart ones leave the state and we are just too dumb to do the same. I'm sorry you have these concerns but you are not alone.

Yep! Sigh. Thanks!! We would leave if it wasn't for my family being here... but not sure if we would be gone for long. Sunshine tax and all, I really do love living in SD  

[SteelCity44]

You're not alone in that feeling. We still live paycheck to paycheck. I still avoid the mailbox and dread an email near payday for fear it's my bank telling me my funds are low. We took a risk with Micah with the hopes we could make it work. We are making it work, but we can't take that risk again. My husband could probably get a better paying job outside of his field, but then he would be more miserable than he already is. It sucks.

[spaghetticat]

Would your husband be willing to at least look for another job? It sounds like he could potentially get something better.

[fusion]

Jul 30, 2013 22:46:16 GMT -5 thedahliharpa said:

So Cal problems right? A lot of people in our age group are struggling with this sort of thing. I feel like the smart ones leave the state and we are just too dumb to do the same. I'm sorry you have these concerns but you are not alone.

We have SO many people that live in Austin that are ex-Californians. It feels like half my MOMS group is from there. They start having kids, sell their condo and come and buy a McMansion here, lol.

[thedahliharpa]

Jul 31, 2013 14:16:22 GMT -5 fusion said:

Jul 30, 2013 22:46:16 GMT -5 thedahliharpa said:

So Cal problems right? A lot of people in our age group are struggling with this sort of thing. I feel like the smart ones leave the state and we are just too dumb to do the same. I'm sorry you have these concerns but you are not alone.

We have SO many people that live in Austin that are ex-Californians. It feels like half my MOMS group is from there. They start having kids, sell their condo and come and buy a McMansion here, lol.

All of our family is here. I'd be more willing to go than DH. He.will.never.leave. But yeah this condo drives me nuts and I drool over House Hunters when they are in TX. I don't blame the transplants.