Peeking in With Pre-TTC Questions

[independencegirl74]

Since there's no way in hell I'm brave enough to venture to TB when I'm not even TTC yet, I figured I'd get this stuff out here with you ladies who "know" me and are all on the baby bandwagon.

So...I'm turning 30 in 2 weeks. I've been on hormonal BC for the better part of a decade (minus some time I didn't have insurance) and I'm just so done with it. So I'm bailing off the BC wagon. I told H this doesn't mean we have to start trying, but it's something I feel I need to do (I can tell he's less than thrilled, but he didn't argue and said "you gotta do what you gotta do" basically).

I have been wanting to start trying for over a year now, and he just hasn't gotten on board. At first, he was "terrified." Now, it's all about the finances.

I admit, they're not the greatest. We've both had to rely on our credit cards a lot in the past couple of months, meaning carrying balances of a few thousand. We have 2 cars with monthly payments and their insurance, mortgage and all those utilities, and H's student loans.

I am working on a small savings cache with money I earn doing liquor promos on the side and have around $600 there.

What have been the new moms' experiences as far as costs? I'd be hoping to get a lot of stuff second-hand (I have a lot of friends who have had babies recently, a couple who I know are done having more, that I might be able to get nursery furniture/clothing/supplies from). I just need a more concrete idea on what to expect a baby to run us initially/monthly so I can try to assuage H's money worries.

Money will probably never be a great situation for us; we're middle-income and not likely to suddenly start earning a lot more, though eventually some of the debt we have will be paid off.

Thanks ladies.

[dearprudence]

Do you have family and friend support? For us, the only expensive thing has been daycare - which is a doozy, but he didn't start until he was 5 months old.

Everything else has been pretty cheap, but we were gifted most of our needs (crib, stroller, clothes, etc.) from family and friends. I think the only thing we bought ourselves were a glider, breast pump, and carseat (maybe $1000). We bought some clothes here and there - but not much until he was about 7 months. Before that we had so much from gifts it seemed silly to buy more.

I'm breastfeeding, so his food is free.

Diapers and wipes are our other constant expense, and through Amazon mom that's about $40 a month for diapers and $20 every 3-4 months for wipes.

[redheadbaker]

I got pregnant (by accident) at possibly the worst time of my life. Relatively new relationship (we'd been together a little over two years at that point), unstable temp job, shitty insurance, little savings.

Our "startup" costs were pretty minimal, thanks to extremely generous family and friends at my shower. The only "must-have" that we had to buy ourselves was the carseat.

Since the birth, and my being unable to find a full-time job, we relied heavily on our families (mine moreso than his -- his dad is a miser, and his mom doesn't work). My mom bought DS' diapers at Sam's Club (though considering she started "stocking up" before he was born and before I lost my job, she may have intended to do that anyway), and even though I'm kind of working again, she still insists on buying them.

I breastfeed, which is free. Now that he's starting solids, I make my own, which is way cheaper than buying jars.

Since I've gotten a 10-hours-a-week flexible work from home job that I can do while DS naps or is asleep for the night, I don't have to pay for daycare. He does have a space reserved at one for when I finally do get a full-time job, and it will cost $205/week for 5 days a week.

We got five boxes of hand-me-down clothes from my SIL's mom in a range of sizes from newborn to 24 months. I buy additional clothes if he needs them, as well as some toys, at consignment sales.

I wouldn't rely on your friends to pass along their stuff to you unless they've specifically already stated they would. They may have family that they're saving it for. There's a lot you can get secondhand at consignment sales and thrift stores. That being said, the two things I feel you MUST buy new are the crib and car seat.

[nital]

Aside from medical, which is completely unpredictable, it's as expensive or inexpensive as you make it. Baby needs food, some clothing, diapers, and a place to sleep. Baby's needs are minimal, it's the parents wants that get expensive. Abigails only huge expense is daycare, about $200/week. However, when I went back to work and she went to daycare, she got sick constantly. Rare is the pay period that I actually work 10 days. Since I'm hourly without a lot of time off...that meant rare is the full paycheck.

As far as monthly expenses...maybe $30-40/month on diapers and wipes. $20/month when we had to start supplementing with formula (it would have been more if she was solely on formula). It feels like we're at the doctor (and thus have a copay) every other month. She's only recently needed clothes beyond what was given to us, but I purchase clothes at consignment stores, so they're cheap.

[independencegirl74]

I'm just leaving the office now that I've read the responses, but I'll hop back on to respond/elaborate.

Thanks ladies!

[independencegirl74]

So, I am planning to breastfeed. My mom did for 5 kids (including my twin sis and I for close to a full year) and my sister is with her first LO. I'm also planning to cloth diaper, which I know is expensive in startup, but can save money long term.

My dad and MIL don't work. I've planned to ask my dad to help with baby duty when I go back to work, but since we haven't actually started trying yet, I haven't brought it up. I don't want to use MIL unless she manages to quit smoking. So while daycare may be an expense, there may be ways for us to minimize it.

I know you've made it work, RHB, in way less than ideal circumstances. And two of my closest friends are making it work on strained finances, too (with both their 3rd babies coming along as oopsies on top of everything). I see so many people growing their families in less than great financial positions. Why doesn't H see we can do it?

(Extra thanks on what to expect in weekly daycare costs. I had no clue!)

[redheadbaker]

Jun 18, 2012 16:44:19 GMT -5 independencegirl74 said:

I see so many people growing their families in less than great financial positions. Why doesn't H see we can do it?

It's doable, yes, with support and/or government assistance.

But it's STRESSFUL. Can't say that enough. There were two or three (or more) times in the months right after Liam was born where I wasn't sure my relationship with Dave would survive.

I'm not trying to talk you out of TTC. Just want to put all my thoughts out there.

[ndolehan]

H and I were not planning on having kids this soon, we were going to wait about 5 years. So our baby is a surprise baby and we are in no way 'ready' financially or otherwise. We have major bills (student loans, credit cards) but we sat down, figured out where we could cut back and will have saved roughly $3,000 by the time baby gets here. Which isn't a lot, but a good start.

Personally, I don't think anyone is every 'ready' (financially or otherwise). I think everyone's situation is different and each person's experience is going to different from the next. Yes, I know it takes more that love and all the mushy stuff to raise a kid. But I also honestly believe if you try (which I'm sure EVERYONE here is! , you have a support system, and you have the mushy love part you'll make it!

TTC and having a baby is scary, no matter what. I'm scared to DEATH but I know I'm going to love the baby so much and we have so much to look forward too. There will always be tough times, even if you were millionaires. But I think anyone, who really cares and with the right support, can provide a safe happy environment for a baby. It's just more difficult for some than others.

...Sorry if none of this made sense...but...I hope it's helpful!

[independencegirl74]

Thanks for your responses, ladies!

RHB, believe me, I do get the stress aspect, and I'm certainly not pushing to start trying right this second. Just trying to gather some info on the real costs to expect, especially in the first year. I have decent health care through my work and I'm already set up for short-term disability to use for maternity leave, plus saving up my sick time to use on top of that (we can piggyback).

Ndolehan - the fact that you guys could sit down and find areas to save up money before baby arrives is great!! My paltry little savings account is nothing, but I know it's a start and if I stay on track it will grow.

[redheadbaker]

Jun 20, 2012 7:31:06 GMT -5 independencegirl74 said:

RHB, believe me, I do get the stress aspect, and I'm certainly not pushing to start trying right this second. Just trying to gather some info on the real costs to expect, especially in the first year. I have decent health care through my work and I'm already set up for short-term disability to use for maternity leave, plus saving up my sick time to use on top of that (we can piggyback).

I think you're in a good spot, then. That was the biggest stress for us - during my maternity leave when I had no income whatsoever.

My plan had been to save up three months' worth of expenses, but my temp hours were cut from 40 to 24, so that screwed up my plan and I only could save up two months' worth of rent only. Dave was trying to support us on his teacher's salary.

[ndolehan]

Jun 20, 2012 8:58:19 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

Jun 20, 2012 7:31:06 GMT -5 independencegirl74 said:

RHB, believe me, I do get the stress aspect, and I'm certainly not pushing to start trying right this second. Just trying to gather some info on the real costs to expect, especially in the first year. I have decent health care through my work and I'm already set up for short-term disability to use for maternity leave, plus saving up my sick time to use on top of that (we can piggyback).

I think you're in a good spot, then. That was the biggest stress for us - during my maternity leave when I had no income whatsoever.

My plan had been to save up three months' worth of expenses, but my temp hours were cut from 40 to 24, so that screwed up my plan and I only could save up two months' worth of rent only. Dave was trying to support us on his teacher's salary.

The bolded part is a big issue for us too. I'm not full time (even though I work 40+ hrs a week) so I don't have vacation/sick time etc. Insurance is through H and it's awesome - so even if i did have insurance at work we would still use his.

Part of the reason we decided to save so much is because I won't have that pay check for 6ish weeks. We cut down on silly spending and we try to find "free" activities near us if we're bored.

[welder'swife]

I imagine this reply will be long, and I apologize in advance. Feel free to FB message me if you have any questions.

I went off BC a few months after we got married when DH got a good job and had health insurance. I also weaned off my ADs because I was on Paxil, and there are HUGE warnings about being pregnant on Paxil. So, then, DH's work changed insurance plans and we decided that it wasn't worth it because we would be out of network for everything. Lo and behold, DH has a car accident (he was okay) and we ''celebrated'' him being okay and I found out the next month I was pregnant. With no insurance. FUCK.

I called around to different insurance plans, and Blue Cross was willing to cover me, but because pregnancy is a "pre-existing condition', I would have a 180-day waiting period before my benefits kicked in. That's 6 months. I was due Oct 16, so my benefits wouldn't kick in until September. Not ideal. My OB worked out a cash deal with us so I could have prenatal care. We got a good tax return that year, so we put that towards what we owed the OB.

I had severe low back pain/sciatica and ended up in the ER. So I had to see a chiro for the remainder of the pregnancy (and still do to this day). I also ended up being high-risk because of high blood pressure and had to have NSTs two-to-three times a week at the hospital for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy.

Lilia was born at 38 weeks (4 weeks after my insurance kicked in HALLELUJAH!). My insurance covered the $16k hospital bill. We were admitted into the hospital Friday AM and left Sunday PM. Lilia had jaundice and had to have daily heel pricks and we rented a biliblanket through our insurance (they didn't cover all of it, so I think we had to fork out another $400).

I breastfed, and we had a diaper shower, so we had tons of disposables. We cloth diapered for a while, and then got out of habit after I was admitted to the psych ward after a suicide attempt when Lilia was 9 months old. Damn postpartum depression. After leaving the psych ward, Lilia was switched to formula because of my new meds.

Also, I lost my job because I chose to breastfeed. Basically, because I would need to pump halfway through my shift, they were unable to figure out a schedule where I could do so, and only offered me 4 hours a week (um, fuck you). My pay wasn't a lot, but it helped pay the mortgage, and as a result, we could no longer pay the mortgage. Tried to work it out with the bank, get a modifcation, etc. but to no avail. Foreclosed on our house. Luckily, the house was in my name, so we were able to buy another house (for half the mortgage pymnt) under DH's name. Luckily, it was closer to the all of our parents, so I could be helped when things got to be too much for me. Still doing therapy and psych appts, so there was that extra money going out for copays, as well as medications.

We got a lot of stuff secondhand from friends and family. MIL bought the infant carseat, and my dad bought the convertible and toddler booster seats. Now that she eats regular food and is potty trained, the biggest expense with her is going to be preschool in the fall. We're unable to afford to send her to the preschool we really want ($240/mo), so we registered her for the public preschool ($96/mo).

There is so much that can happen to really screw you over, from losing your job, to not being able to breastfeed and having to pay for formula, having pregnancy complications...we were definitely not in the position to get pregnant, and we're still suffering financially because of it (saving up to file bankruptcy).

I hope I didn't scare you off...Lilia really is the light of my life, I just really wish it had been easier.

[kaiene]

Personally, I would try to get your finances to a point where you feel more comfortable. There are some online baby calculators that I used (can't remember them...maybe MM could help?) to get a rough idea of what it might cost on a monthly basis to raise a baby. Then, we drew up a worst case scenario budget (formula instead of breastfeeding, disposable diapers instead of cloth, lots of meds and doctor visits, day care center vs in home).

I am lucky because I only had to pay $30 or so for all of my prenatal care. My delivery was covered 100%.

Unfortunately, breastfeeding did not work out due to DS' latch and suck issues, so we are doing formula. He eats over 30 oz a day, so we go through about 1.5 containers a week. We do cloth diapers which help, but had to buy new ones for naps and overnight because of leak problems. We've gotten a lot of toys at consignment sales, and always accept hand me downs. We are extremely fortunate that our neighbors have given us loads of baby gear and clothes.

I guess my point is that I am uncomfortable without some wiggle room in a budget because things come up.