Is it too soon?

[btay]

I am itching to get back on the ttc wagon.  DH has been sober since February 28th and I am feeling pretty comfortable again.  Is it too soon to go with a casual ttc approach do you think? The odds of any success are pretty much zero trying on our own but I am ready to feel just that tinge of hope again every month.  Be honest but gentle please

[bugandbibs]

How long have you been back living together? Has your husband had to deal with the stress and triggers that used to trigger his drinking?

Personally, I would be comfortable at ttc from 1 year sober but getting pregnant is fairly easy for us (staying that way is another matter).

[themysteriouswife]

I personally could not do it. Addiction is very scary to me. I would want to be 100% sure, he was on track for the long haul.

I do not know your H. Only you can be the one to tell if this is the right time. Do you feel he is better?

[btay]

Aug 11, 2013 21:43:11 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

How long have you been back living together? Has your husband had to deal with the stress and triggers that used to trigger his drinking?

Personally, I would be comfortable at ttc from 1 year sober but getting pregnant is fairly easy for us (staying that way is another matter).

I moved back home about a week after he came home, so back in March.  I had said when he went in that I wanted a year of sobriety before any treatments, but I didn't really think about the whole trying on our own thing.   

As far as triggers he is doing really well.  He is avoiding the ones he can (ie parties, bars, etc) and handling the ones he can't avoid really well (we've had two deaths in his family, including a 4 day old baby).  

I guess I'm just ready to fully get back to living my life, but I have no idea if I'm being that idiot who just wants a baby so bad that she'll do stupid crap, or if we are really at a good place again.  I know my husband is ready to try again but I just have that voice in the back of my head telling me only an idiot would have a kid with an addict, in recovery or not. 

[Kristinmo]

I have always heard to wait a full year. I assume he is in AA (or something similar)? What do they say?

If you did get pregnant now, how would you feel if he did relapse? Are you comfortable raising the baby on your own? I know there's a risk for everyone to end up alone but you know the chances are higher for you. If you are comfortable with that risk then it is your decision.

[bugandbibs]

I grew up around alcoholics. There is usually a honeymoon stage where they are super motivated to stay sober. It takes time to know how strong they really are. Waiting seems like the safer idea. A newborn is a lot of stress.

Only you can really know when the time right. We will be here to support you either way.

[kelle017]

I really don't have anything to add but I agree with bugs. We're here whatever you decide to do.

[gogadgetgo]

Lots and lots of hugs to you!

[btay]

Thanks ladies I think maybe I'll just keep working on getting that 3rd dog for now instead. That should shut the biological clock up for a few months. Plus, yay puppy!

[Deleted]

Although alcoholism and narcotic addiction are completely different, addiction is one in the same. I have worked with people with narcotic addictions. While we do see a high rate of relapse, it is usually the patients who do not have the support and people who hold them to a high accountability that relapse. I have seen the most addicted of patients stop and stay sober, even throughout major life changes. I recommend waiting a few more months, but I do not know your H. Only the two of you can decide if you are both at a mental stability to make a decision as big as a child. I wish you all the luck in the world. Addiction is a disgusting disease, but it isn't an end-all. 6 months is a major milestone, but one year is huge, if you decide to wait.