Wow, I feel accomplished!

[starrieskies]

Not only did I have a successful run this morning, I was just able to have a level headed conversation with H on the phone this morning when he called.    I said everything I wanted to say without getting emotional and didn't even let his crying get to me.  We were on the phone for 11 minutes, and I got off the phone and didn't want to melt down.

He told me that while he was camping, he had an epiphany and that he thinks it is time for him to grow up and start focusing on his family and that after the first night he didn't even want to be there, but he couldn't have his friends drive him the 2 hours back home....  I told him that he needs to understand that while I'm glad he's saying these things, it seems awfully convenient and that I have no way of knowing whether this is from thinking during the camp out, or if he's just making shit up to try to win me back.

He proposed that we come home for 40 days and at the end of that 40 days, if I don't feel like there is really change he will help me pack.  No thanks.  These changes don't happen overnight, and rarely happen at all.  I'm not going there.  He kept on saying "just come home..." and finally I said, that house hasn't felt like a home in years.  It's always been your house, your castle, you said so yourself.  

Part of me wants to just cut off the communication for a while, so I can just "be", but I also want to keep those lines open in the hopes that we can effectively co-parent with our son...  I'm not sure what the best course of action is, but 4 phone calls and who knows how many texts a day is a bit much.

[captainmel]

He is a champion manipulator. You are a stronger woman!!!

You are going to get through this. You'll find a way to co parent and you will be stronger and happier and better because of it.

[Deleted]

What is this? A movie? I love how he keeps saying he had an epiphany during his trip, although funny how you only hear about it now since he's been home. Not like he came home on Saturday like, STARRIES - I LOVE YOU AND NEED TO CHANGE. Only when he saw an empty house does he fill it with empty promises.

You've got this lady, I am so proud of you.

[starrieskies]

I can honestly say that for the first time, I actually feel like I do, doglove... I can't really explain it, but I think I've actually got this.

There'll be ups and downs, and many emotions, I'm sure. But I really feel like I can do this. I would have never thought in a million years I'd feel this way.

[partiallysunny]

I'm so proud of you.

[Muddled]

I'm so glad you are having a good day and I am glad that you are feeling good today. See? You are a strong woman. Give yourself loads of credit and big pats on the back.


Let's put this communication thing into perspective here. You guys are not friends. There is no need to talk just to talk. If your mind is made up and you are not willing to work on this, then you have absolutely nothing to discuss other than DS. Feel free to tell him that you are willing to discuss DS and nothing else AND STICK TO IT. Also, remember that you are well within your rights NOT to talk to him and to direct all communication through your lawyer.

Smooth co-parenting is going to take time. I'm sure you know he is going to try to manipulate you through DS, so be prepared for that. I would say do what you need to do for the now and handle the later later.

[margarita]

Aug 13, 2013 12:02:01 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

I can honestly say that for the first time, I actually feel like I do, doglove... I can't really explain it, but I think I've actually got this.

There'll be ups and downs, and many emotions, I'm sure. But I really feel like I can do this. I would have never thought in a million years I'd feel this way.

(heart)

Yes, I already 'liked' this post, but that wasn't enough. I love the shit out of it! You rock, girl!

[bowies]

Who is he, Noah? That's a really odd barter.

He'll wear himself out after a while. The realization that you're not going home will sink in at some point, then the anger stage will come a knockin. I say keep the communication channels open to a point if you can handle it. Keep it on your terms though.

Do you know when you're serving him yet?

ETA:  And the odds of him spending the weekend immersed in an epiphany are about as good as monkeys suddenly flying out my butt.  Panic mode means he's going to say ANYTHING to get the status quo back. 

[captainmel]

I love this post.

I love how supportive everyone on here is.

I love how strong you are starrieskies

I love everyone's reactions.

[starrieskies]

No, not yet. My lawyer has trial this week, and apparently its a pretty in big case for her. I don't know anything about it (obviously) but when we met last week she said that it was taking up most of her time. She asked if I was willing to wait until after this trial to go through the paperwork because she wanted to make sure she could really devote herself to my case. But she also said that she will make herself available if I need to fast track it.

I'm pretty sure the angry stage is quickly approaching, and will probably begin when I tell him that he can't have DS this weekend. He hasn't asked yet, but that's probably because he thinks he's going to get us back "home" by then.

[starrieskies]

Oh yes, and I can also explain the 40 day's thing . The last time I left, one of his friends told him to get the "love dare" book. He got it and didn't follow through with it that time. It's a 40 day challenge.

[Deleted]

[neonpink]

Starrieskies you are awesome. He sounds like he's desperately trying to say and do anything to get you back and you aren't buying it. Keep it up. P.S. Here are some virtual Lilies.

[starrieskies]

Thanks, neon! Those are by far my favorite flower, but I'm too cheap to buy them all the time. (which is why I grew them)

[tiramisu]

Starries, you are so awesome! I love seeing your posts today! It really sounds like you're proud of yourself too, which is great to see.

[starrieskies]

To be honest, I feel more confident and stronger than I have in YEARS! Its an amazing and liberating feeling.

[captainmel]

Aug 13, 2013 16:41:54 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

To be honest, I feel more confident and stronger than I have in YEARS! Its an amazing and liberating feeling.

I love this so much.

[doctorchick]

Aug 13, 2013 16:41:54 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

To be honest, I feel more confident and stronger than I have in YEARS! Its an amazing and liberating feeling.

Yea you! I hope you have much more of this feeling than anything else!

[doriswe]

I'm sooooo proud of you!!! Stay strong, my dear!!