Urgh my mother

[mae141]

DH and I went to childbirth class this weekend and it was taught by a doula. Now we kind of want to hire a doula. I told my mother this and the past 3 days she has done nothing but tell me how bad an idea is. She just called me to tell me that she talked to someone who just had a baby and didn't use a doula and everything was fine. At first I was trying to tell her why we think it's a good idea, but she wouldn't listen and so then I was like why are you trying to make me feel stupid? She got really snippy with me and was telling me I was getting too scared of giving birth and she'll never talk to me about it again.   

Now I'm all upset. 

[changedname]

sorry Mae. I know this sounds weird but is she insecure that the doula will take her place? Like, teaching you how to look after the newborn etc? I am thinking of hiring a doula too but I think my aunt (my mom passed away) will be offended because they didn't really do doulas when she had her kids.

[mae141]

Aug 13, 2013 15:29:46 GMT -5 changedname said:

sorry Mae. I know this sounds weird but is she insecure that the doula will take her place? Like, teaching you how to look after the newborn etc? I am thinking of hiring a doula too but I think my aunt (my mom passed away) will be offended because they didn't really do doulas when she had her kids.

I don't really think so. She's not really like that. I think she really does think I'm just spazzing about labor itself. She keeps saying that's what nurses are for and when you are in pain just ask for an epi. I keep telling her maybe I don't want an epi, but she just can't even consider that idea. I'm not even totally sold on having a doula myself (mostly because I'm cheap), but DH really wants one and I figure it can't hurt, so why not? 

[kershnic]

Moms seem to often get weird about us making choices that are different from the ones they made. Like it's a judgement on what they did or something?

Are you planning to have your mom there when you give birth? Mine lives across the country so it's doubtful she'll be present when I (hopefully) give birth, but if she gave me judgement for using a doula I'd just stop talking to her about it. We really want to have one, largely to not put everything on my wife as far as being strong and supportive and advocating to the doctors and nurses.