Post by starrieskies on Aug 14, 2013 16:12:08 GMT -5
If STBX (it felt really wierd to type that) is trying to piss me off today, if I'm just especially irritable, or if he's really that stupid.
We've talked on the phone twice today and in the first phone call, he gave me the "the grass isn't always greener" talk where he reminded me to think about how long we've been together, that we have a son, and a house, and I may not ever be able to find that again. He also accused me of not knowing why I left.
The second phone call he said that he was so controlling because he didn't want to lose me. You know, like a pet that the owner keeps inside all the time because he doesn't want it to run away. But then the owner accidentally leaves the door open and the pet bolts... But if the pet owner had just let the animal come and go as it pleased, it may have never run...
So, what I'm getting from all of this is that he thinks I'm not good enough to find happiness anywhere else, I'm stupid, and he owns me the same way he owns his dog....
I may be a little irritable, but really?!? Does he really think he's that fucking special?
You will find happiness and a physical house does not make a home. You could live anywhere and have a home its the quality in that home that matters.
You are good enough and will find happiness elsewhere. You are smart, and smart enough to get the f away from him. ::Bristles:: Owns you like a pet! WTF I have no words except anger for you.
Post by captainmel on Aug 14, 2013 16:24:43 GMT -5
Starries, it is probably all of the above but mostly that he's fucking stupid.
He's trying for find a way to get you back but his usual tactics aren't working. They especially aren't working because you have self esteem that is way higher than he's ever acknowledged.
And, even if you live the rest of your life without another man you're still better off without him because he's selfish and rude. And TIP will buy you flowers and a cat. And we'll teach you how to knit.
He's nothing, if not predictable, that's for sure! His usual tactics are not working, so he's grasping at straws.
I have a feeling he's going to move on to the anger stage pretty soon, Starries. He's getting more and more frustrated that you're not responding the way he wants or agreeing to come back home. When this happens, do not hesitate to make all communications come through a lawyer. I know you're trying to be diplomatic and maintain contact for now, but you don't owe him that if he chooses to escalate things. Take care of yourself.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 14, 2013 16:56:55 GMT -5
yeah, I think we're getting to the anger stage too. I'm kind of preparing for that. I talked briefly with my therapist over the phone at lunch today and she pretty much said the exact same thing.
yeah, I think we're getting to the anger stage too. I'm kind of preparing for that. I talked briefly with my therapist over the phone at lunch today and she pretty much said the exact same thing.
Oh yeah, the things he's saying definitely sound like he's edging his way up to anger. Stay strong. We're here for you when he tries to knock you down.
LOL, yes, mel he really did. Those were almost his exact words.
Fuck him, fuck that, I will find him and I will kill him. He deserves a cage and shitty dry food to eat everyday. I will kill him.
Um, people are not pets. Even then, I treat River with more respect than that. I want to kill him.
Its just another illustration of how he's always thought of me as an object and a possesion rather than a person. He told me I shouldn't read into it so much and just try to understand what he's saying... Um... You compared me to the dog... There's no justification for that.
I don't think he's trying to piss you off, nor do I think you're irritable. I think he's just an asshole attempting to manipulate his way out of another situation. You are so much better than this.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 14, 2013 18:13:58 GMT -5
I believe we have now graduated to the "think of your son" phase... Earlier today I told him I would not be coming home for 40 days to give him a shot only to move back out again. I told him that I was not going to jumble DS around like that. It's not fair to him.
I received this text with a picture of our family portrait (the only one we've ever had done when ds was 6 mos old): "I don't want this to come across the wrong way or to upset you... But I think we should at least try towork this out. The reason I say that is because of your comment about being fair to (DS). I think not even trying would be unfair to him."
I've been trying for YEARS while he did nothing... How dare he presume to tell me how to be fair to my own child when he knows nothing on the subject!
I don't think he's trying to piss you off, nor do I think you're irritable. I think he's just an asshole attempting to manipulate his way out of another situation. You are so much better than this.
Yep. He thinks this will work. You and we know better.
Post by starrieskies on Aug 14, 2013 18:45:15 GMT -5
Yes, he is tiramisu. He used to switch back and forth between several techniques over the course of a single conversation, it would confuse the hell out of me and completely wear me out trying to follow his train of thought.
I don't try anymore. But this is just getting ridiculous. Each of these communications has happened over the course of the last few hours... (I received the first phone call at 11, it's 4:30 my time now). Absolutely nothing he has said has made me want to go back.
I'm going to call my lawyer tomorrow, I think. This is stupid. I want to be civil and I want us to communicate, but this has got to stop...
I just want a glass of red wine and a bubble bath...
Good for you. You want to be civil and communicate, but he does not, unless it's on his terms. Go get yourself that wine and bubble bath, you deserve it!
What a douche. Don't let him get to you, Starries. I know it's easy to brush off what he's saying, but it can still be a bit of a mind fuck. Stay strong.
The transferrence line of reasoning is always my favorite - it's the last ditch effort at manipulation/justification and tends to bring a few LOLs at his audacity. Like, you can't even get mad because of the mass logic fails.
I think you've reached the point where communication needs to come through your lawyer. If he wants to talk, let him fill up your voicemail.
I love his responses to you - like, I've been doing a lot of thinking and stuff, and you know, it's best that you come home. that's my decision. Your son needs it too. So, yeah. come back.