I am working on our wedding ceremony

[Deleted]

and vows.

...surprisingly difficult, especially since most of the examples are religious. Our officiant sent over a few samples that I'll probably tweak, but it's still overwhelming. 

[sillygoosegirl]

I found the book "I do: A Guide to Creating Your Own Unique Wedding Ceremony" by Sydney Barbara Metrick very helpful.

Non-religious sources can be difficult to find. But there are some good ones out there.

Here are a few of my favorite wedding reading selections (sorry for the crappy formatting):

---"Marriage Joins Two People in the Circle of Its Love", by Edmund O'Neill

“Marriage is a commitment to life, to the best that two people can
find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing
and growth that no other human relationship can equal; a joining that
is promised for a lifetime. Within the circle of its love, marriage
encompasses all of life's most important relationships. A wife and a
husband are each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher,
listener, and critic. There may come times when one partner is
heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the
tender caring of a parent for a child. Marriage deepens and enriches
every facet of life. Happiness is fuller; memories are fresher;
commitment is stronger; even anger is felt more strongly, and passes
away more quickly. Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life
is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new
experiences, and new ways of expressing love through the seasons of
life. When two people pledge to love and care for each other in
marriage, they create a spirit unique to themselves, which binds them
closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a
potential, made in the hearts of two people who love, which takes a
lifetime to fulfill.”

---From "The Irrational Season", by Madeleine L'Engle

"Ultimately there comes a time when a decision must be made.
Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much
they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they
are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the
nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to
be created. To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a
person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is
not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands
the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of
love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but
participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love
is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that
co-creation which is our human calling."

EXCERPT FROM THE VELVETEEN RABBIT
~ By Margery Williams ~


"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by
side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does
it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just
to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When
you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It
takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved
off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and
very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you
are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

---From "Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"For marriage, which is often spoken of as a bond, becomes actually
many bonds, many strands, of different textures and strengths, making
up a web that is taut and firm.

The web is fashioned by many kinds of love; romantic love at first,
then a slow-growing devotion and, playing through these, a constant
rippling companionship.

It is made of loyalties, and inter-dependencies and shared
experiences. It is woven of memories of meeting and conflicts; of
triumphs and disappointments.

It is a web of communication, a common language, and the acceptance of
lack of language, too; a knowledge of likes and dislikes, of habits
and reactions, both physical and mental.

It is a web of instincts, and intuitions, and known and unknown
exchanges. The web of marriage is made of nearness, in the day-to-day
living side by side, looking in the same direction."

[sillygoosegirl]

PS: The vows and ceremony were my favorite part of the wedding to plan. Let me know if you want help looking for more stuff. :-)

[pantsparty]

I'll PM you my vows if I can find them. They're mainly secular.

[Deleted]

I have a whole bunch of non religious ones our celebrant gave us as examples. I've never seen many of them before. If you'd like to look at them pm me and I can email the file to you.

[Deleted]

Aug 18, 2013 11:47:42 GMT -5 carrotsmakemefat said:

With my ex we had a poem called These are the Hands. Not religious and it was so fitting

I wish I hadn't used it already. I'd like to use it with FI but I won't.

Yep.  Used that in my first wedding and FI wants to use it now.  It's lovely, but just not happening. 

[Deleted]

When I officiated my best friends wedding, I had this silly, funny, dorky ceremony written out. Then it rained and I just went with it.

I started off with "a hellova day to get married huh?"

Part of their vows included "even in the event of a zombie apocalypse"

[Deleted]

unicornmcbubbles and pantsparty, if you could PM me the samples that would be awesome!

And if anyone would want to look mine over I'd really appreciate it. I can't figure out if I need to add in the traditional 'do you take such and such to be your husband' part if we are doing our own vows.

[Deleted]

Aug 18, 2013 11:59:31 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

unicornmcbubbles and pantsparty, if you could PM me the samples that would be awesome!

And if anyone would want to look mine over I'd really appreciate it. I can't figure out if I need to add in the traditional 'do you take such and such to be your husband' part if we are doing our own vows.

At my friends wedding I said " B, do you take C to love, cherish, and be together for the rest of your lives, even in the event of a zombie apocalypse?"

[elleblue]

Aug 18, 2013 11:30:46 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

Didn't you say yesterday's post was gonna be the last one about wedding? Lol.

I was just about to say this very thing! heh

[Deleted]

Aug 18, 2013 12:39:54 GMT -5 elleblue said:

Aug 18, 2013 11:30:46 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

Didn't you say yesterday's post was gonna be the last one about wedding? Lol.

I was just about to say this very thing! heh

I have a problem!! Lol.

Just wait, after the wedding you will miss my annoyances.

[Glitter Tits]

I think that I still have our vows. I really liked them; there are no religious themes or being obedient to your husband type things in them. I'll see if I can find them.

ETA: I guess I lost the file when my computer crashed.

[wannabe]

I seriously wrote my vows a couple of hours before the ceremony. Very unlike my "must plan ALL THE THINGS!" personality, but it was perfect.

[sillygoosegirl]

Aug 18, 2013 11:59:31 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

And if anyone would want to look mine over I'd really appreciate it. I can't figure out if I need to add in the traditional 'do you take such and such to be your husband' part if we are doing our own vows.

I don't think that putting those words in is necessary if you don't want them, but I would say, make sure you promise something at some point. I'd be happy to look over yours.

A lot of wedding vows do include two segments, the first normally seems like more a statement of intent to me and often the answer to a question posed by the officiant: "Do you both come here today to pledge your lives to each other in marriage?" (Or something else that gets at that same idea.) And then later a promise directly to one another: "I choose you as my spouse, and will love, honor, and drive you crazy forever and ever." (Or something to that effect.) But you certainly don't have to follow that formula. So long as all the required people are comfortable signing the marriage license to indicate that they saw or presided over your getting married, you're good.

I had a friend whose wedding vows actually included the phrase "your princess is in another castle"... And actually somehow managed to be really sweet too.

[snickers]

I had ambitious plans to write our vows, then I got overwhelmed.
Good luck, stick with it and you will be fine. I gave up way to easily.

[Deleted]

Aug 18, 2013 13:32:10 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

Aug 18, 2013 11:59:31 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

And if anyone would want to look mine over I'd really appreciate it. I can't figure out if I need to add in the traditional 'do you take such and such to be your husband' part if we are doing our own vows.

I don't think that putting those words in is necessary if you don't want them, but I would say, make sure you promise something at some point. I'd be happy to look over yours.

A lot of wedding vows do include two segments, the first normally seems like more a statement of intent to me and often the answer to a question posed by the officiant: "Do you both come here today to pledge your lives to each other in marriage?" (Or something else that gets at that same idea.) And then later a promise directly to one another: "I choose you as my spouse, and will love, honor, and drive you crazy forever and ever." (Or something to that effect.) But you certainly don't have to follow that formula. So long as all the required people are comfortable signing the marriage license to indicate that they saw or presided over your getting married, you're good.

I had a friend whose wedding vows actually included the phrase "your princess is in another castle"... And actually somehow managed to be really sweet too.

YGPM!

[Captain Serious]

Aug 18, 2013 11:59:31 GMT -5 @amoosed said:

unicornmcbubbles and pantsparty, if you could PM me the samples that would be awesome!

And if anyone would want to look mine over I'd really appreciate it. I can't figure out if I need to add in the traditional 'do you take such and such to be your husband' part if we are doing our own vows.

Check your state law. In New York, both people have to affirmatively answer a question asking if they are willingly entering the marriage.