Tell me this is fine

[missbella]

Short story: My sister is moving to another country on the other side of the continent to live with her boyfriend of 4 months that she has spent 2.5 weeks with total in person. She is not going back to school to finish her degree. She has less than $1,000 to her name. She does not have a visa so she can't work or go to school. This is going to be fine, Yes?

ETA: Oh and she doesn't understand why we are all a little hesitant.

[TheSeaward]

you are only young once

[soozy87]

Doesn't really sound fine.

[Dezi]

Even if things don't work out, she'll be fine and if anything she's going to have a great adventure. I wish I had done something like this when I had the chance.

[Deleted]

There is not a single decision I made when I was 18 that was probably the smart thing to do, but I turned out okay.

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:02:28 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Assuming she is over 18, these are her life choices to make, and deal with accordingly.

Yeah I get this but it still makes me sad because we are really close and I'm going to miss her. I'm trying to be supportive but she knows I'm not thrilled.

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:07:11 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

missbella how old is she?


People can get to know each other long distance, I don't think that should be as much of an issue. If they are going to try to make a relationship actually happen, being together seems like it would be useful. Lots of people start or have LD relationships that turn into long term relationships.

As for the visa situation....that stuff can always change. Just because she doesn't have one now doesn't mean she can't apply at a later point.

She's 23. Yeah the guy seems nice. I've sorta talked to him on Skype. He's coming to visit next week then she is going back with him. She can always come back I guess.

[Deleted]

Aug 23, 2013 14:07:41 GMT -5 missbella said:

Aug 23, 2013 14:02:28 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Assuming she is over 18, these are her life choices to make, and deal with accordingly.

Yeah I get this but it still makes me sad because we are really close and I'm going to miss her. I'm trying to be supportive but she knows I'm not thrilled.

Please don't be like my family. I know she's moving away and that hurts but try and keep your hurt to yourself and just be supportive of your sister while giving her the best advice you have. Chances are she won't follow it, but at least she knows she can come to you later when she needs it. If you let her know how not thrilled you are, she won't come to you in the future. 

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:11:37 GMT -5 hungrycaterpillar said:

Aug 23, 2013 14:07:41 GMT -5 missbella said:

Yeah I get this but it still makes me sad because we are really close and I'm going to miss her. I'm trying to be supportive but she knows I'm not thrilled.

Please don't be like my family. I know she's moving away and that hurts but try and keep your hurt to yourself and just be supportive of your sister while giving her the best advice you have. Chances are she won't follow it, but at least she knows she can come to you later when she needs it. If you let her know how not thrilled you are, she won't come to you in the future. 

Yeah this what I have been trying to do. I have accepted the fact that she is going. I made her a going away present, a recipe book of all the things we like to cook together. I try to keep my mouth shut as much as possible. I'm not even 100% sure why this bothers me.

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:12:21 GMT -5 @starflower22 said:

What country? I need to gauge my level of jealousy

Canada. Lol.

[Dezi]

Aug 23, 2013 14:16:26 GMT -5 missbella said:

Aug 23, 2013 14:12:21 GMT -5 @starflower22 said:

What country? I need to gauge my level of jealousy

Canada. Lol.

I'd envisioned somewhere romantic, perhaps Italy. Canada, not so much.

[Deleted]

Oh FFS - CANADA?

lol Canada is nice (sorry Canadians) but if I'm going to whisk away for love I better be going to Italy.

[demofea01]

Support her. Make sure she knows she's got people to come back to if it goes poorly. She could have the absolute time of her life, who knows.

[underwaterrhymes]

I quit my job, sold or stored almost everything I owned, and moved to Eastern Europe to be with my boyfriend who was in the Peace Corps there. I didn't have a job and I knew it would be tough to get one. Plus, although we'd been together a year and a half and I waited until I finished my Master's degree to go, he had only recently realized he was in love with me. And this only after we broke up temporarily before he left because he was unsure of his feelings for me.

Everyone thought I was fucking crazy.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. He is the love of my life and we've been married almost five years.

So this could be a very poor decision. But it might also be an awesome one. As a grown up, it's up to her to find out which it is.

[speckledfrog]

Canada, lol!

[demelza]

Blame Canada!

[fryjack2]

I just feel bad for her that she met a Canadian and not a Greek or a man from Monaco or Ireland, or at least somewhere that has a sexy accent!! I used to go across the border to drink in high school, I never stayed for a man

Canada is beautiful though

[Deleted]

Aug 23, 2013 14:30:27 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

I just feel bad for her that she met a Canadian and not a Greek or a man from Monaco or Ireland, or at least somewhere that has a sexy accent!! I used to go across the border to drink in high school, I never stayed for a man

Canada is beautiful though

You probably stayed a night or two, admit it.  

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:29:16 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Lol @ the big reveal of Canada!

Does she have a return ticket home? I think as long as she has enough money or access to money in case things go badly and she needs to return home, she'll be okay.

Canada. Lol!

She has a one way ticket but she says she is coming home for Christmas. I don't know how long her money will last but she would probably ask me to buy her ticket home if she needed to come home and I would do it.

[missbella]

The other thing that's a little iffy is that we can't call her and can only text her if she has WIFI so communicating is a little tricky when she is gone.

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:41:52 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Aug 23, 2013 14:38:09 GMT -5 missbella said:

She has a one way ticket but she says she is coming home for Christmas. I don't know how long her money will last but she would probably ask me to buy her ticket home if she needed to come home and I would do it.

I know this might be a dumb question, but since you've brought up her lack of funds, it might be applicable: Does she have a cell phone?  One with a calling/SMS plan that covers where she'll be so she doesn't encounter roaming charges?  And enough money to at least pay her cell phone bill during the time she'll be away so that there's really no reason she cannot contact you in case of emergency?

I don't mean to feed into your anxiety about it, but making sure that YOU have a way to contact her would help ease your mind as well.

ETA:  And I know, I know.  People traveled to Canada before cell phones, lol.  Don't school me, people, I know.  I spent a month abroad without a cell phone in my early twenties and managed just fine. 

My parents pay her cell phone bill so that's not a problem. We can't call her though because of the roaming charges but in an emergency she could. She texts us with textfree so as long as she has wifi she can text.

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:44:54 GMT -5 specialk said:

Bwahaha Canada.

She's old enough that she will figure it out, or come home. It's nice of you to be protective of your sister, but I am sure she will be fine.

Yeah I guess it sounds silly but she just seems really naive about the whole thing. Maybe it will help her grow up a little. I mean worst case scenario she ends up with a baby daddy in another country right? Lol.

[lolc]

Not sure that it's the best idea given her financial situation, but it's her choice. I'm sure she and her boyfriend have discussed things, at the very least.  

And please don't take this the wrong way, but I LOL'ed when I read "Canada." Your initial post made me think that she was going across the globe. Canada hardly qualifies as another country. Not saying that as an insult to Canadians at all, but DH lived there for a number of years (Vancouver) and said it's not much different from the US. The culture is pretty much the same as in the US (at least the east and west provinces and territories (can't speak for the central part of Canada).   

[mookie]

CANADA!?ruh-roh!

She's gonna be fine.

Also, nunya....

As in, none of your business.

Really, she'll be fine. Let her live and learn.

[missbella]

Aug 23, 2013 14:52:06 GMT -5 lolc said:

Not sure that it's the best idea given her financial situation, but it's her choice. I'm sure she and her boyfriend have discussed things, at the very least.  

And please don't take this the wrong way, but I LOL'ed when I read "Canada." Your initial post made me think that she was going across the globe. Canada hardly qualifies as another country. Not saying that as an insult to Canadians at all, but DH lived there for a number of years (Vancouver) and said it's not much different from the US. The culture is pretty much the same as in the US (at least the east and west provinces and territories (can't speak for the central part of Canada).   

Well I did mention it was the other side of the continent,as in North America. The only reason I mentioned it was another country was because of the work/school/ money /contact issues
ETA: I would still feel weird about it if she was moving to California but at least I know she could work and call me.

[missmaddie]

I don't know a lot about this, but DH often watches this Canadian customs show, and the one way ticket with no assets, Visas, etc. often results in issues.

[chickadee77]

Eh, I moved to Europe and knew absolutely no one, then from WI to TX, again, knowing no one at all. Everyone thought I was off my rocker. Perhaps her new boyfriend is just a way for her to experience different things - I mean, they might be more friends than romantic partners, and this feels safe to her. But, yeah, I'd keep communication open with her, just in case.

[justkly]

Um, I will not lie. I did something similar and it could have turned out bad. It didn't. I'm now married to the best man I've ever known and I'm loving life. Quit being a Debbie Downer.

[lime]

Eh, it will be fine.

Even if it isn't fine, it will be fine in the end.

[cc]

Yeah, I was picturing some exotic place...definitely not Canada. lol She will be fine.