Is it because of what the word connotes? Choices do involve a measure of sacrifice. Granted, that measure might be very small, or that measure might be large (which is what I think the word generally brings to mind), but I think there is still something sacrificed or not chosen.
It is all about the subtle nuances of meaning between similar words, like the difference between appalled and horrified.
My grandparents fled post WWII Europe with nothing and scratched-out a life for themselves and their children in America - even though it would have been easier and they would have been much better off with family in their country of origin. They did this to get their children and family to America because they thought it was the best option for "the family". That the first generation had it the hardest but it was "worth it" for each successive generation.
Is it because of what the word connotes? Choices do involve a measure of sacrifice. Granted, that measure might be very small, or that measure might be large (which is what I think the word generally brings to mind), but I think there is still something sacrificed or not chosen.
It is all about the subtle nuances of meaning between similar words, like the difference between appalled and horrified.
I think this is what it is for me. Sacrifice to me means you were forced to do something really horrible, give up something so important to you. To me sacrifice isn't doing something you want to do.
Post by pittsmcgee on Jun 20, 2012 12:12:34 GMT -5
Ah, the story of my life. 8-D And every since my parents got divorced I get to hear on a weekly basis how much she did/sacraficed for me and my "fucking father" (her words)
Is it because of what the word connotes? Choices do involve a measure of sacrifice. Granted, that measure might be very small, or that measure might be large (which is what I think the word generally brings to mind), but I think there is still something sacrificed or not chosen.
It is all about the subtle nuances of meaning between similar words, like the difference between appalled and horrified.
And as mindful as we need to be of the connotation of these words (and the power of them), I'd say we also can't abandon the denotation entirely.
Sacrifices to me are above and beyond the natural duties associated with parenting that one doesn't necessarily have to do, that is directly for and pretty much only for the benefit of the person you are making the sacrifice for.
Giving up a promotion and job transfer overseas so that your child can take the scholarship to a dance studio for instance would qualify as a sacrifice.
A sacrifice isn't doing what you're supposed to on behalf of someone to whom you owe that responsibility. It isn't making another completely valid choice that you wish to make in order to have something else you want as well.
Some parents have to occasionally beat their kids about the head and body with what they've done and the sacrifices they made, like when their grown children start with the "You oooooowe me because you're my mooooom and you didn't give me the best.childhood.evaarrrrrrrr" routine. I've had to pull out the sacrificial lamb routine more than once to my 20-somethings. Fortunately for them, I don't bathe in the stuff, I just pull it out when necessary.
I sacrificed their childhood for the sake of my mental health and physical well-being and theirs, I guess.
I would also consider it a sacrifice if you dramatically alter your life to raise a child you don't have to. Quitting your corporate job because your sister kicked the bucket and left you with her children to raise qualifies. As does having your grandchildren dropped off on your front step by CPS.
Although, regardless of the sacrifice or not, you don't get to beat it about the kid's head.
I think the key to a sacrifice for your children is that you aren't self-serving about it. Beating it over your kid's head that you gave up the best years of your life to them? Not a sacrifice.
I have an issue with saying that sacrfices for your kids aren't really sacrifices, because they are the choices you make and the things that you do to have kids, because there are a lot of parents who don't do those things, and there is a lot of dignity and honor in taking care of your kids and doing "right" by them.
As an aside, my version of "beat them about the head" is generally "I don't owe you shit. I raised you, I provided for you, you're a grown-up who has made choices so you get to deal. I did my job. Your turn."
I have an issue with saying that sacrfices for your kids aren't really sacrifices, because they are the choices you make and the things that you do to have kids, because there are a lot of parents who don't do those things, and there is a lot of dignity and honor in taking care of your kids and doing "right" by them.
I have a lot of respect and admiration for myself because of the hardships she endured trying to do the best she could for us. So please don't mistake my derision for the idea of sacrifice as taking my mother's struggles for granted.
I know she worked hard and I know she did the best she did for us and I am beyond grateful to her for all that she did. But I still don't think it a sacrifice, at least not a sacrifice she made solely for my benefit in some kind of awesomely altruistic way.
I have an issue with saying that sacrfices for your kids aren't really sacrifices, because they are the choices you make and the things that you do to have kids, because there are a lot of parents who don't do those things, and there is a lot of dignity and honor in taking care of your kids and doing "right" by them.
I have a lot of respect and admiration for myself because of the hardships she endured trying to do the best she could for us. So please don't mistake my derision for the idea of sacrifice as taking my mother's struggles for granted.
I know she worked hard and I know she did the best she did for us and I am beyond grateful to her for all that she did. But I still don't think it a sacrifice, at least not a sacrifice she made solely for my benefit in some kind of awesomely altruistic way.
Okay, I just looked up the definition of sacrifice: 1. the offering of animal, plant, or human life or of some material possession to a deity, as in propitiation or homage.
2. the person, animal, or thing so offered.
3. the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.
4. the thing so surrendered or devoted.
5. a loss incurred in selling something below its value.
I think that number three would be accurate in your situation.
I guess the situation that really sticks in my head is shoes. I remember having a pair of shoes that had holes in them and hurt my feet so much that I cried when I walked. My mom said we had no money for new shoes. Just two days before, she had gone to the store and gotten herself a pair of Nikes.
Had she done what I would do- gotten me a new pair of shoes, and had gone without new shoes for herself, I would have considered that a sacrifice. I think that is a sacrifice that all parents should make as a rule- make sure your kid's needs are met.
Well, in the dance scenario, it would be because your child had the talent, drive, and all that to become a professional.
If you give up career advancement so your kid can continue to take twice a week lessons at some bargain basement studio, you're just being a martyr. If you give up career advancement so you can live close to your Julliard attending high school graduate, you are a martyr.
But if you give up career advancement, perhaps even move to another city so that your 14 year old can enter an intense, limited offering program that promises a future career in dance that far eclipses a mere hobby, I would consider that a sacrifice.
Post by CrazyLucky on Jun 20, 2012 13:30:56 GMT -5
I had to give up my beloved Mustang for a family car when DS was born. I plan to tell him hard that sacrifice was for me when he's old enough to understand!
Well, in the dance scenario, it would be because your child had the talent, drive, and all that to become a professional.
If you give up career advancement so your kid can continue to take twice a week lessons at some bargain basement studio, you're just being a martyr. If you give up career advancement so you can live close to your Julliard attending high school graduate, you are a martyr.
But if you give up career advancement, perhaps even move to another city so that your 14 year old can enter an intense, limited offering program that promises a future career in dance that far eclipses a mere hobby, I would consider that a sacrifice.
What if your kid actually wants to be a scientist, despite a considerable amount of dance talent?
What if your kid actually wants to be a scientist, despite a considerable amount of dance talent?
Oh no no no. This has to actually be a deep seated desire in your child, not your wishful thinking, not your chance to live vicariously through your kid. And it has to be on behalf of a kid who fully understand that you are in no way obligated to do such things and doesn't expect you to entertain the notion in any serious way.
And not in that wishy washy, Miley Cyrus, I've always wanted to be a celebrity kind of way either. But in the very real, very likely, very realistic, waiting until they are nineteen and can do it on their own isn't really feasible type of way.
None of this childish, my 8 year old has always wanted to be a star easy stardom path either.
I agree with you. I will say, I think the one thing that my mom sacrificed for us was really making a go at entering the dating scene when all of us were younger. I know initially she had her own reservations, and rightfully so, and then there I was asking her for a dad for Christmas and I think that she just felt it was not about her. She knew she would have to be very careful who she let into our lives since I would have glommed on to him like white on rice and it is tough to figure out how to do that.
So, in that area, my mom did sacrifice something that could have made her really happy for us. That said, I don't feel like I owe for the rest of my life and I don't think she expects it. Honestly, I think this falls under the part of being a parent. It is no longer just about you and what you want, what will make you happy, etc. It is also about your kids and what is good for them, what they can handle, etc.
And in all the years since my dad died, I have never heard my mom call herself a single parent. She has said to us (when we were older) that it was tough doing it all alone, but she never gave herself that label. I don't know, I think that's kind of awesome.
as much as she can drive me insane, i love my mom fiercely and think she is pretty fucking amazing mom.
Oh in regards to dating, I think when she felt ready and we were in a good place, she didn't have good resources. Most of her friends were all married and they didn't have match back then. lol I still hope she will meet a great man. She deserves to feel romantic love again and for once, to have someone to go through life with her.
I think that just by deciding to have kids H and I made the choice to sacrifice certain things for our kids. Even just our lifestyle - prior to kids we would go on vacation every year, we came and went as we pleased, went out a lot, etc. Now we don't/can't do that anymore. We knew that going into it, and that was a conscious decision that we made, but I think I would still consider it a sacrifice. I guess I just don't look at the word in a bad way - it's just a fact that we sacrificed our lifestyle in order to have kids and have a lifestyle that was more appropriate with infants. I would never hold this over their heads or even attach negative feelings to it. Yes, I enjoyed being able to afford going away every year, but that was a sacrifice that we were willing to make and don't regret one bit. I think I just use the words interchangeable (and possibly incorrectly).
I think that just by deciding to have kids H and I made the choice to sacrifice certain things for our kids. Even just our lifestyle - prior to kids we would go on vacation every year, we came and went as we pleased, went out a lot, etc. Now we don't/can't do that anymore. We knew that going into it, and that was a conscious decision that we made, but I think I would still consider it a sacrifice. I guess I just don't look at the word in a bad way - it's just a fact that we sacrificed our lifestyle in order to have kids and have a lifestyle that was more appropriate with infants. I would never hold this over their heads or even attach negative feelings to it. Yes, I enjoyed being able to afford going away every year, but that was a sacrifice that we were willing to make and don't regret one bit. I think I just use the words interchangeable (and possibly incorrectly).
I think this is exactly what LTP is talking about. Those are your choices, not sacrifices for your kids.
I think that just by deciding to have kids H and I made the choice to sacrifice certain things for our kids. Even just our lifestyle - prior to kids we would go on vacation every year, we came and went as we pleased, went out a lot, etc. Now we don't/can't do that anymore. We knew that going into it, and that was a conscious decision that we made, but I think I would still consider it a sacrifice. I guess I just don't look at the word in a bad way - it's just a fact that we sacrificed our lifestyle in order to have kids and have a lifestyle that was more appropriate with infants. I would never hold this over their heads or even attach negative feelings to it. Yes, I enjoyed being able to afford going away every year, but that was a sacrifice that we were willing to make and don't regret one bit. I think I just use the words interchangeable (and possibly incorrectly).
You didn't sacrifice anything. You made a CHOICE to have kids knowing that things would change.