Are you an Aunt and an Aunt(in law)

[iamali]

This is probably shitty of me, but I actually feel more like an aunt to my B/SIL's kids because I'm old enough to appreciate them now. I was an aunt at like 8 the first time with my sisters kids. Too young to really "get it" IMO.

[Jermys]

I adore four out of five of my nieces and my nephew. The other niece is not blood, but it wouldn't matter if she was. She'd still be spoiled, entitled and rude.

ETA: only one of my nieces is blood.

[lust2hart]

I feel the same way. DH's niece and nephews are DH's niece and nephews. Mine are mine. I think he considers mine to be his, though, so yeah, I feel kinda crappy about this. I think it bothers him when I say "My nephew..." rather than "Our nephew..."

I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that they were born before DH and I got together. Like, really, I don't think they consider me their aunt, either, to be honest. But when his little sister has a kid? I dunno. Maybe she'll be "my" niece, too, but I don't know.

[Deleted]

I feel a difference, so if it's crappy then I guess I'm crappy too!

[speckledfrog]

I only have nieces/nephews on my side and won't ever have any on MH's side, so I have no idea if I would feel differently.

I do know that my aunt (my dad's SIL)'s sister had children she said, "I'm excited to have real nephews." She didn't mean it bitchy, but I definitely had a, "Well, WTF am I?" moment. So, uh, don't say things like that!

[nadasteph]

My sister has two kids and H's brother has two kids. There is a difference to me, but it might be moreso that I see my sister's kids more, and I am more comfortable around her than my SIL. Also, it has to do with the individual kids, one is just way more fun to be around. I don't think it has to do with blood vs non blood.

[dcannie]

i think this is a totally normal feeling.

[Tacocat]

I have both. My sister started having kids when I was 17, so I always have felt close to them, even though we don't live in the same state. My SIL had her son while H and I were dating, but we went to the hospital to see him the day after he was born. We spend a lot more time with him than my own nephews and niece, so I feel just as close to him.

[thebamker]

Jun 20, 2012 11:53:38 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that they were born before DH and I got together. Like, really, I don't think they consider me their aunt, either, to be honest. But when his little sister has a kid? I dunno. Maybe she'll be "my" niece, too, but I don't know.

Most of mine were born before we were married and H is still the coolest uncle going.

We've been married for almost 7 years and for some reason I'm still not feeling the emotional connection.

BIL's baby will be born any day now. Then SIL found out she will be having a baby in January.

I fake it like crazy. I don't want H to think I don't have true loving feelings. I feel bad.

[hisno1girl]

I am an Aunt (Tia!). I have one nephew, my younger sister's son.

I do not consider myself "Aunt" to DH's nieces and nephews. I never see them, most of them were in their early teens when we met so it's NBD.

My nephew was little when I met DH and I am very much against children not using the Aunt/Uncle courtesy title, so my nephew calls DH "Uncle Ray" but DH doesn't really consider him his nephew.

I still call all my aunts/uncles, Tia or Tio. My mother would smack me if I didn't.

[Cayl]

H has 5 sisters who are all much, much older (from his dad's first marriage). The youngest sister is 14 years older then him. They all have kids, but neither of us are close to them. My sister has a baby and she and my mom watch the 3 of them all week, so we see my nephew all of the time and both of us adore him. If my BIL ever decides to get married and have kids I think we would both be very close to those kids too because we're really close with BIL and his gf.

For me I think it has more to do with the relationships among adults. If you're close to the parents then you'll be close to the kids, no matter the blood relation.

[idoinjuly]

Jun 20, 2012 11:53:38 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

I feel the same way. DH's niece and nephews are DH's niece and nephews. Mine are mine. I think he considers mine to be his, though, so yeah, I feel kinda crappy about this. I think it bothers him when I say "My nephew..." rather than "Our nephew..."I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that they were born before DH and I got together. Like, really, I don't think they consider me their aunt, either, to be honest. But when his little sister has a kid? I dunno. Maybe she'll be "my" niece, too, but I don't know.

I feel the same way as you do. DH is awesome with my nieces and nephews and treats them like his blood relatives. I'm not that way with his nephew. He was born while we were together and I still don't feel a connection with him. I think about this alot. I think part of the difference is that I am super close to my sisters so it has a positive impact on my relationship with their kids. We are not close to BIL and SIL, so I guess that has a not so positive impact on our relationship with their son. I try to feel close to him or form a connection like I have with my sisters' kids, but I haven't so far.

[Deleted]

I'm a non-blood aunt.

I love my niece and nephew like blood.

[Deleted]

I am an aunt and I'm going to be an aunt in law. Already, the latter is going to be more enjoyable for me.

For starters, my SIL is not an unmedicated bipolar who had a baby with a child molestor. The state will gladly allow my SIL to bring her baby home from the hospital and won't be moving to terminate her parental rights.

In short, my brother has no business having any babies or being stepfather to any babies while my SIL is going to be a great mom and I can't wait.

[lazyphoque]

Not crappy. If you're generally closer to your siblings, it makes sense to me that you'd be more excited about their pregnancies/impending kids. And you'll probably feel somewhat differently about the actual baby once s/he arrives.

I feel all kinds of ways about the kids in our family - I only have one nephew on my side, h has 4 nephews, 3 nieces, and a great niece. I am closer to some of the kids than others, but it's more influenced by how old they are and where they live rather than which side they're on.

[nahoku]

My sister has two kids and DH's older sister has two girls and had two boys who passed away in a car crash a couple years after we started dating. I almost feel closer to SIL's kids than my sister's, just b/c we see them more frequently even though they live further away. I also think that there was such an appreciation and relief for the girls being born (SIL had secondary IF and both girls were conceived via IVF) that pretty much everyone was excited for their arrival. But I love all of them to bits and really don't feel a "DH's nieces" vs "my niece and nephew" thing. I think it's probably normal to feel the way you feel though.

[lust2hart]

Jun 20, 2012 11:57:59 GMT -5 thebamker said:

Jun 20, 2012 11:53:38 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that they were born before DH and I got together. Like, really, I don't think they consider me their aunt, either, to be honest. But when his little sister has a kid? I dunno. Maybe she'll be "my" niece, too, but I don't know.

Most of mine were born before we were married and H is still the coolest uncle going.

We've been married for almost 7 years and for some reason I'm still not feeling the emotional connection.

BIL's baby will be born any day now. Then SIL found out she will be having a baby in January.

I fake it like crazy. I don't want H to think I don't have true loving feelings. I feel bad.

Okay, but here's the thing - how does H FEEL? Do you know? Because he can be the coolest, bestest uncle in the world and still feel like they're YOUR nieces/nephews, you know?

Like, I feel differently about mine vs. DH's, but I don't ACT differently towards them.

[poppyseed]

I have one blood niece and one niece-in-law, if you will. I love both of them and love spending time with both of them. But I do feel closer to my blood niece. I spend more time with her because my sister and I spend more time together than my SIL and I do. Plus I was there when she was born and I guess I just feel more of a draw to her.

[muffin0]

I think it's normal. But it still sucks. My SIL (BILs wife) is very obvious about it. I'm sure she doesn't think she is, but she is. Thankfully DDs are too young to notice but H and I both see it. It's frustrating.

[vivaladiva]

I have a niece (sister's daughter) who was 8 when H and I got married and now have a 1 1/2 yr nephew. Even though H was around when Nephew was born and has had many visits with Niece, he still doesn't consider them "his" niece/nephew; I know because I deliberately say "our" n/n and he always gets this weird look on his face. I thought it was weird, because if his siblings had kids, I'd like to think that I'd consider them my n/n as much as my sister's kids.

And I'm with HisNo1girl, mandatory title preceding their name when addressing my own aunts and uncles, usually I don't even use their first names. Though I will say I let my niece get away with calling me by my nickname, because she precedes it with "the"... (like "The Viv") I have no idea why she started calling me that, it was when she was super little so it just stuck.

[thebamker]

Jun 20, 2012 11:59:05 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

I still call all my aunts/uncles, Tia or Tio. My mother would smack me if I didn't.

mine too. in fact - I have 4 couples who I call Aunt/Uncle and they are basically just my mom and dad's friends.

My mom felt they were more than Mr. and Mrs. Smith... but she didn't dare let us call them Bob and Jan.

so - Aunt Jan and Uncle Bob it was.

My mom would have killed us if she heard us address adults by their first names.

All the kids address H as Uncle.

I struggle with this b/c it makes me cringe to have my kids call adults by their first names, but most of the adults don't want the kids calling them Mr/Mrs. so-and-so

I ususally try to stick a miss/mister in front of their first names. it helps me feel better about it anyway.

[sake]

My sister had twins when i was 17. I then moved in with my sis for the first year of the babies' lives to help her take care of them b/c her H was gone a lot traveling for work. They are now 10, and I am still very close with them. My BIL had a kid with his then gf when he was 17. the kid is now 11, and he's really fun and sweet, and i love spending time with him, but I don't really feel like his aunt. Like i don't feel like i could discipline him if he was being bad, like i could with my sisters kids. BIL and SIL just had a baby a month ago. I don't know how much of an aunt I will feel like to this baby. But probably not as much as I do to my sister's kids.

[vivaladiva]

Jun 20, 2012 12:30:48 GMT -5 thebamker said:

Jun 20, 2012 11:59:05 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

I still call all my aunts/uncles, Tia or Tio. My mother would smack me if I didn't.

mine too. in fact - I have 4 couples who I call Aunt/Uncle and they are basically just my mom and dad's friends.

My mom felt they were more than Mr. and Mrs. Smith... but she didn't dare let us call them Bob and Jan.

so - Aunt Jan and Uncle Bob it was.

My mom would have killed us if she heard us address adults by their first names.

Yep, me, too! And their kids I consider my cousins, but that's a topic for a whole other thread.

[partiallysunny]

I was an aunt-in-law first and I honestly love both of my nieces equal. I am more attached to my SIL's child then my brother's child. I see SIL's daughter more and was there for the pregnancy and birth. I kept in touch with my brother about his wife's pregnancy, but they were states away and I didn't see brother's daughter until 6 months after she was born. Brother's wife and I were pregnant at the same time, which I thought might bring us closer together. I didn't realize how competitive they both are.

It may have been different if I had been an aunt before an aunt-in-law.

[mrsjuleshs]

My brothers don't have kids and probably never will but I have a ton of nieces & nephews and love them all. (DD has 12 on her dad's side not including those from previous marriages brought in) I am really close to 2 of them. 1 is my best friends daughter. Our girls' dads are brothers. She actually has a little brother (different dad) but I still consider him my nephew and love him no less.

[monica_geller]

Jun 20, 2012 12:00:04 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

I'm a non-blood aunt.

I love my niece and nephew like blood.

This!

[litebright]

I was an aunt on my DH's side long before I was to my own family members. We have like half a dozen nieces and nephews on DH's side and we see most of them once a year, sometimes less.

Since we're long-distance, we treat them all the same, pretty much. I feel closest to my SIL's kids, probably because I feel closest to her out of DH's siblings and her kids were each born within 2 months of my two.

I haven't even met my own sister's child, who is about 10 months old, although I've seen her via Skype and photos. My sister is pregnant again and I'm hoping to visit once the new baby is born, help her out, and meet both the LOs.

But we do make an effort to ask about their likes and interests around their birthdays, and I think we send pretty cool gifts.

[welder'swife]

I'm not a big fan of my SIL's kids--I literally groan when they come out our way and we have to go see them. But that could also be because I don't agree with her life choices and how she handles things.

My sister and her husband are trying to get pregnant and I am going to spoil the ever loving hell out of that kid!

[missmaddie]

I actually prefer two of DH's nephews and see them on a weekly basis. My brothers and my SILs suck and since I don't want to spend more time with them than I have to, I am impartial toward their children.

[Deleted]

DH and I aren't close to his sister and I don't feel particular close to her kids even though they live nearby. He loves them but still doesn't make a huge effort to see them (and vice versa). My sister doesn't have kids but if she did I think I would feel differently about them only because we're closer.