Post by fluffyrainbows on Jun 20, 2012 21:28:53 GMT -5
Ok, got the AE thing down. sorry about that. If you know what my username is, please don't mention it.
This probably contains a whole bunch of "you shouldn't do that" 's but here goes nothing!
My parents might be coming into a very large sum of money and said they want to do something for us kids of theirs. The plan is to give my sister the house she lives in now that they own, give somethign to my bro (i forget what they said) and buy me a house to put on land I would have been inheriting when they pass on years from now. DH and I currently live in an apartment that they own. If they would buy us the house, we could pick it, and it would be in a decent area. I kind of feel odd about this though. I mean, I feel like I will be "living off of my parents" forever at that rate. For some reason inheritance feels different to me than them giving me something that large when they are still young and kicking, so to speak. It is very generous, and a part of me would really want to take the offer if the time arises (probably in the next couple of years if this happens) DH and I have really poor credit so we can't get a house of our own for a very long time right now. I have already been looking at houses, before this even came about, but now even more, and I feel terrible at the thought.. But realize that they want to "help us out" when they can.
Am I right to feel weird about this? Should I just "take it and run" if the time arises? Just try to totally forget the offer? I don't know what to do. I mean, I would also have a hard time saying "no, thanks, I'd rather live in a small apartment ofrever and not my dream home" (which is what this would be as close to as possible.)
I'd take it. Not having a house payment ever would be pretty amazing. This is assuming your parents will not hold the house over you or try and control how you build etc.
I assume your parents can make this gift to you without suffering any financial hardship of their own and will be giving your siblings gifts of similar value.
Post by fluffyrainbows on Jun 20, 2012 21:33:57 GMT -5
No, they wouldn't do that. I am sure I would have a $$ limit being what my sister's house is worth, but I can get something nice for that amount in my area.
And nuts? technically, yes. Depressed, anxiety, bipolar, fun stuff.
My parents have the mentality that " I shouldn't have to wait until they die to enjoy what they'll be giving me" . In the last year or so they have given us quite a bit of money, b/c I had a job opportunity that involved me taking a large pay cut for one year (this past school year). They just keep saying that i'll be getting the money when they die anyway, so they don't mind giving it to me.
I guess I would just be VERY thankful to your parents if I were you, and take what they were giving me gratefully.
Take it! H's parents gave us most of the down payment for our house. We have to pay it back eventually, but they said to pay off the mortgage first, which will take years. I have a feeling that his mom would have just given us the money if she could.
They are trying to do something nice for you. Say "thank you" and move on. I've had to learn that with H's parents.
Post by curmudgeon on Jun 20, 2012 21:44:08 GMT -5
"Might" sounds a little tenuous to be telling other people their plans IMO. However, yes, take what they are offering and be grateful. Don't go overboard with your "dream house" but if the offer fits with your lives, ie close to where you are and such, this is a gracious and amazingly wonderful opportunity they are offering you, not only the house itself but it will provide you time to build up your credit in case your circumstances change.
::signed:: my parents helped my buy my house, and I am more grateful each year (like when the housing market tanked and I am in a growing area) and my grandparents received a large inheritance and have blown through it with new houses, cars, and trips around the world.
Gift horse, mouth. Be grateful.
Edited after reading other responses: my parents "own" part of my house, this was a little weird for H at first and we check with them any time we want to make any major changes (redoing the kitchen for example). Also, if we sell, they receive a portion of the proceeds. It would be wise to determine any such matters in advance to avoid potential future issues, regardless, it is an extraordinarily kind offer that you should accept.
Post by kellbell191 on Jun 20, 2012 22:01:57 GMT -5
When my mom passed away my dad used some of her life insurance money to pay off my law school loans and to give us a down payment on our house. It feels weird sometimes but I also believe him when he says it makes him happy that we don't have to struggle the way they did when they first got married. In return I've promised to take care of him when he is old And needs diaper changes. It's also allowed me to do public service work as my career which was really really important to them also.
I would take it. They are of sound mind to be offering this. It seems like they just want to see their money going towards something useful and something that their children need/could use.
I find nothing wrong with it. It is their money and they can spend it how they see fit. They are choosing to make sure their children spend it wisely and get the most out of it.
ohh yes, also my parents always say "remember this when you're picking out our nursing home"... which I always promise to get them a nice one, and visit them every day.
ohh yes, also my parents always say "remember this when you're picking out our nursing home"... which I always promise to get them a nice one, and visit them every day.
I would honestly think about this very well. But maybe it's a difference in culture. My mom never wanted to be a burden and I cannot imagine putting my parents in a nursing home. It's just not what we do. I'd rather they used the money to settle their future so I don't have to make more difficult decisions than the ones you usually have to do anyway.
I wouldn't necessarily say no to a free house, but I'd remember that gifts this big often have strings attached.
Definitely make sure you can afford the property taxes and won't be relying on them for upkeep, though.
Yeah, this exactly. My parents helped me with the down payment on my house, and it kind of fucked with my head.
Like, they left some toiletries in my guest bathroom so they would have them here when they came to visit and I got all, "OMG THEY'RE ACTING LIKE MY HOUSE IS THEIRS," about it, which I know was really more my issue than theirs.
But they've helped me out financially a couple of times since I've been divorced, and it's a feeling that has been very difficult to for me to set aside, even though I know that they're happy to do it and don't want me to feel weird. They keep trying to get me to accept more from them (yeah, I know, those diamond shoes are just so tight) and I just can't do it. Little things, sure. Take me out to dinner, take me to the mall and let me spend $100 or so. I'm great with that. But when they start to talk about replacing my car because they know mine is 12 years old and I can't afford a new one, I clam up and get pissy about. Back off and let me deal with my own life.
I think it honestly depends on the relationship you have with your parents, which sounds like a pretty good one. There is no way in heellllll we would do this with H's parents because my MIL is very controlling. My parents treat us like adults and I think it would be totally fine if we had this situation with them.
I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. My FI's parents helped him with a downpayment on a house before I met him, and they still refer to it as "their" house even though my FI has paid every bill on the house for more than 5 years and paid all but 5k of the downpayment back. If my parents had helped with the downpayment, it would be a no strings attached gift.
Why do you have bad credit? If you have a lot of debt, would it be possible to use some of your parent's gift for a large downpayment and some on improving your financial situation? It's very generous of them, but you don't want to end up in more house than you can afford. For instance, if your current apartment is owned by them, are you paying rent? Not to get too MM up in here, but a house can be expensive, even if you aren't paying a mortgage.
Post by partiallysunny on Jun 21, 2012 7:38:23 GMT -5
Depends on the relationship with your parents. I assume if you are already renting from them and you don't want to kill each other, it is probably pretty good. Think long and hard about it, but don't beat yourself up for your good fortune.
From my parents, we would accept it. Mine are financially responsible, and while my dad would offer opinions on what/where we wanted to buy, he would leave the decision up to us and not hold it over our heads or have any expectations about what we owe them in return.
From my ILs there is not a chance in hell that I would accept it. Even if they came into a ton of money and wanted to give us some, I honestly think I'd leave it sitting in an account until they're not here anymore so that when the day came that they held it over our head to get something they want I could cut them a check. They would probably not even offer to buy us a house - they'd just buy the one next door to them and tell us that we move in this weekend. They would fully expect to move in with us at some point, and would expect to choose how we decorated, what furniture we bought, etc.