dead horse: the old TIME mag article

[partiallysunny]

No, that picture would not have been better, lol. He looks much older than 3, IMO.

[snipsnsnails]

I don't think either pic is all that weird. This one is a more traditional nursing pose, I guess, but the idea is, of course, that this is non-traditional, so nothing is going to look "normal."

[cleo29]

I don't love it either. HOw old is that kid again? I hate how BF has become such a debate and I really hate the need for in your face stuff like this. She comes off as smug to me and maybe that is my bigger issue with it, not the topic itself, but the person at the forefront.

[Cayl]

I think this picture might have been more acceptable to some, but for me it wasn't the picture that bugged me but the title "Are you mom enough?". Women are judgmental of each other enough, we don't need a headline like that to divide us even more.

Although Time certainly got enough publicity so I'm sure they're thrilled.

[pantsparty]

Nerp, still weird.

[Deleted]

I actually do think it would have been better or caused "less" uproar.

Mainly because he is in a more "baby" like position, in his mothers arms and napping. Although he is still years older that most children that breastfeed, he is at least in the same position as a 6 month old would be.

[partiallysunny]

I agree that she seems smug.

[cleo29]

Jun 21, 2012 12:27:06 GMT -5 Cayl said:

I think this picture might have been more acceptable to some, but for me it wasn't the picture that bugged me but the title "Are you mom enough?". Women are judgmental of each other enough, we don't need a headline like that to divide us even more.

Although Time certainly got enough publicity so I'm sure they're thrilled.

Exactly. I got enough grief from my MIL about not breastfeeding and the implication was there that I did not try hard enough and that I let my kids down.

I think it is amazing the time women put into breastfeeding, especially in the beginning when it can feel like the baby is glued to your boob (hey, I rhymed!), but I don't think that means they are better moms.

[Deleted]

Jun 21, 2012 12:27:06 GMT -5 Cayl said:

I think this picture might have been more acceptable to some, but for me it wasn't the picture that bugged me but the title "Are you mom enough?". Women are judgmental of each other enough, we don't need a headline like that to divide us even more.

Although Time certainly got enough publicity so I'm sure they're thrilled.

Yeah, the title bugged me. It plays right into the competitiveness and judgment that needs to stop.

To be honest, I find extended breast feeding to the extent of 3 or 4 years old or older to be odd, but I don't necessarily think it's wrong. One of those things that's not something I would do, but I don't care that others are doing it.

[cleo29]

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

I don't have an answer, but I think for some women it is about them and not so much about their kid. I think they love that time, my mom still gets a bit misty when talking about how she loved the early morning feedings when it was just her and one of us, and perhaps it is tough to give it up. This doesn't make them a bad person or mom, but I do think sometimes there is more at play than simply the health of their child.

[Cayl]

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

For most women, the babies/children can get much more out of a breast then a pump can. A friend of mine who still BFs her 3 year old can't get anything with a pump, but has EBF both of her kids. And honestly, why should they have to pump? Because it makes others more comfortable? BFing is recommended until the age of 2 and is much more common in other countries. We're just kind of prudes about it.

For the record, both of my kids are formula fed.

[Deleted]

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:41 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

The title doesn't bother me much. I thought it was pointing to the fact that we do compete with each other and tear each other down because of our differences, not literally asking if we were mom enough to breastfeed our three-year-old.

But the article was specifically about attachment parenting and the things that go along with it, like extended breastfeeding.

If they highlighted other parenting methods as well, I would probably agree with you.

[papie]

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

I'm still BFing my almost 2 yo, so I'll answer. I am doing it for the baby, NOT for me. I'd like to wean honestly.

She is drinking cows milk. It has nothing to do with the benefit of breastmilk IN MY CASE (other moms may have other justifications). But she is very attached to the breast. When she is tired, or upset, and when she wakes up in the morning, she wants to nurse. She cries when I say no. She throws the sippy of milk I'm offering her instead. I'm working on weaning, but it really isn't going like I imagined. With DD1, I told her "no more milk" and that was it. She was 20 months. Sophia is 22, and is not having it at all.

The way I see it (and it is very much the AP view), the baby still needs it, mainly for comfort and she'll let me know when she is ready to move on. I was thinking originally no more than 2 years, but now I feel that I can't rush her.

[Deleted]

nic- those moms may be doing it for themselves true, but pumping is not fun and not easy.

I stopped feeding my DS at 6 months, but by that point he was a champ. It was SO easy to just whip out the boob and let him go to town. Babies are so much better/productive at getting the milk out than a pump. So I am assuming a 3 or 4 year old could drain a breast in a matter of minutes. Lol.

[candyapple]

God those comments, I don't like them. :N:
I wonder what people would think of my situation, judge-y bitches.

I double-breastfed in public twice recently. I was as discrete as possible.

I think subscribe to whatever parenting philosophy that you want, but stop being so judge-y about the parenting choices of others.

[Cayl]

Jun 21, 2012 12:36:38 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

I don't have an answer, but I think for some women it is about them and not so much about their kid. I think they love that time, my mom still gets a bit misty when talking about how she loved the early morning feedings when it was just her and one of us, and perhaps it is tough to give it up. This doesn't make them a bad person or mom, but I do think sometimes there is more at play than simply the health of their child.

I do also agree with this. My friend who BFs her 3.5 year old, the only play dates they have is with their neighbors and she has only been away from him for more then an hour 6 times his whole life. He isn't in nursery school or going to go to one next year, she hasn't attempted potty training, and a few months ago he went from sleeping in bed with his parents to sleeping in a CRIB! She seems to be unwilling to let him grow up. I'm hoping that she's more of an exception then the general rule for moms who practice extended BFing.

[papie]

And I get really upset at the "they are doing it for themselves" comments. Really? WTF is there in it for me? Do you guys think we like having a toddler crying and pulling on our shirt? Um, no. But I don't believe in forcing things with tears, so I'm working on a weaning that is cry-free, as much as possible. I don't know how long it will take. But please, it has nothing to do with me wanting her to stay a baby...

[cleo29]

Jun 21, 2012 12:39:08 GMT -5 papie said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

I'm still BFing my almost 2 yo, so I'll answer. I am doing it for the baby, NOT for me. I'd like to wean honestly.

She is drinking cows milk. It has nothing to do with the benefit of breastmilk IN MY CASE (other moms may have other justifications). But she is very attached to the breast. When she is tired, or upset, and when she wakes up in the morning, she wants to nurse. She cries when I say no. She throws the sippy of milk I'm offering her instead. I'm working on weaning, but it really isn't going like I imagined. With DD1, I told her "no more milk" and that was it. She was 20 months. Sophia is 22, and is not having it at all.

The way I see it (and it is very much the AP view), the baby still needs it, mainly for comfort and she'll let me know when she is ready to move on. I was thinking originally no more than 2 years, but now I feel that I can't rush her.

Papie, I don't think there is anything wrong with following your child's cues. That is what we have done with C with pretty much everything. I think kids do everything at their own pace and to rush that or even cut it off can do more harm than good in the end. I also think that it can take a while for kids to really learn to comfort themselves.

I also envy what your breasts have been able to do. Obviously with K, this was a non-issue due to health reasons, but with C it would have been nice to BF her longer.

[papie]

Jun 21, 2012 12:43:04 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:39:08 GMT -5 papie said:

I'm still BFing my almost 2 yo, so I'll answer. I am doing it for the baby, NOT for me. I'd like to wean honestly.

She is drinking cows milk. It has nothing to do with the benefit of breastmilk IN MY CASE (other moms may have other justifications). But she is very attached to the breast. When she is tired, or upset, and when she wakes up in the morning, she wants to nurse. She cries when I say no. She throws the sippy of milk I'm offering her instead. I'm working on weaning, but it really isn't going like I imagined. With DD1, I told her "no more milk" and that was it. She was 20 months. Sophia is 22, and is not having it at all.

The way I see it (and it is very much the AP view), the baby still needs it, mainly for comfort and she'll let me know when she is ready to move on. I was thinking originally no more than 2 years, but now I feel that I can't rush her.

Papie, I don't think there is anything wrong with following your child's cues. That is what we have done with C with pretty much everything. I think kids do everything at their own pace and to rush that or even cut it off can do more harm than good in the end. I also think that it can take a while for kids to really learn to comfort themselves.

I also envy what your breasts have been able to do. Obviously with K, this was a non-issue due to health reasons, but with C it would have been nice to BF her longer.

Ok, thanks. I feel judged a lot, so I laugh it out and change topics, but it is annoying.
I understand not all women want to breastfeed, and I understand that some women want to but can't, or have to stop earlier for various reasons. I'm not a better mom than any of you. But I'm not a worse mom either, you know?

[speckledfrog]

I understand extended BFing more now that I have my own LO. I don't plan on BFing when he's three, but I certainly understand the emotional connection and can see now wanting to let that go.

What bothers me about this is that AP has suddenly become all about extended BFing when there's more to it than that.

[Deleted]

Sometimes I honestly do feel inferior to moms who are breastfeeding past a year old. My son turned one about three weeks ago and about one or two weeks ago, I had to stop because it was starting to stress me out every time he wanted to nurse. I no longer felt like it was bonding us, I felt like it was just habit. He cried the first time I wouldn't nurse him. And that still makes me sad to think about. It only took a couple of days and then he was fine with just a bottle.

But I can't help but admire papie, breastfeeding at 22 months still because her baby needs and wants it.

It makes me wonder if I gave up too soon and put my feelings about it over his needs.

[speckledfrog]

Papie, I think that's a great point. If they aren't ready, they aren't ready.

[papie]

Thanks, I appreciate it. Honestly, I felt that annoyance when I was nursing Anna in the end. I'm glad she was so easy to wean, because I was ready to be done. This time, I guess I still see her more as a baby, and am more relaxed about parenting in general and letting her take the lead.

[papie]

and lol, sorry for highjacking the thread and making it all about me. ;-)

[partiallysunny]

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

FWIW I could barely pump an ounce per boob at a session. LO was a champ on the boob, but I just couldn't pump enough to keep up with him.

I think breastfeeding at 3 or 4 is mostly for the parent. They either do it for the connection or because they don't want to deal with the repercussions of taking a source of comfort away from their child.

Not that I think it's "wrong" or "bad". I couldn't care less.

[papie]

Jun 21, 2012 12:49:02 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:34:16 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

OK, I have a question about extended breastfeeding.

I've heard a lot of people say that women who breastfeed past 1, 2 or 3 years are doing it for themselves, rather than the benefit of the child. If this wasn't true and they really felt that breastmilk was best for their child at 3+ years of age, then why not pump and put it in a sippy cup? Can some women not pump?

This is an honest question with zero snark, fyi.. I know nothing about breastfeeding, so please no flames!

FWIW I could barely pump an ounce per boob at a session. LO was a champ on the boob, but I just couldn't pump enough to keep up with him.

I think breastfeeding at 3 or 4 is mostly for the parent. They either do it for the connection or because they don't want to deal with the repercussions of taking a source of comfort away from their child.

Not that I think it's "wrong" or "bad". I couldn't care less.

How is the bolded for the parent? You think it is that they don't actually believe in the letting the children learn to self-comfort on their own, but more the parents not wanting to deal with the annoyance of hearing them cry? I don't really get where you are going with that one...I do think that most children will self-comfort abd self-wean before age 3. But what if they are not ready?

[cleo29]

Jun 21, 2012 12:45:05 GMT -5 papie said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:43:04 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Papie, I don't think there is anything wrong with following your child's cues. That is what we have done with C with pretty much everything. I think kids do everything at their own pace and to rush that or even cut it off can do more harm than good in the end. I also think that it can take a while for kids to really learn to comfort themselves.

I also envy what your breasts have been able to do. Obviously with K, this was a non-issue due to health reasons, but with C it would have been nice to BF her longer.

Ok, thanks. I feel judged a lot, so I laugh it out and change topics, but it is annoying.
I understand not all women want to breastfeed, and I understand that some women want to but can't, or have to stop earlier for various reasons. I'm not a better mom than any of you. But I'm not a worse mom either, you know?

when I made my comments, I was not thinking of anyone here. The support I got here was incredible and I have seen it supporting both sides,no matter what that person did themselves. That is what I wish I would see more in the world at large. You know?

[Cayl]

Jun 21, 2012 12:45:05 GMT -5 papie said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:43:04 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Papie, I don't think there is anything wrong with following your child's cues. That is what we have done with C with pretty much everything. I think kids do everything at their own pace and to rush that or even cut it off can do more harm than good in the end. I also think that it can take a while for kids to really learn to comfort themselves.

I also envy what your breasts have been able to do. Obviously with K, this was a non-issue due to health reasons, but with C it would have been nice to BF her longer.

Ok, thanks. I feel judged a lot, so I laugh it out and change topics, but it is annoying.
I understand not all women want to breastfeed, and I understand that some women want to but can't, or have to stop earlier for various reasons. I'm not a better mom than any of you. But I'm not a worse mom either, you know?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I get judged for not BFing/pumping long enough and you get judged for doing it for too long. I just don't understand why everyone is so concerned with how we feed our children. As long as they're getting fed acceptable forms of nutrition why does it matter to anyone else?

[partiallysunny]

Jun 21, 2012 12:51:42 GMT -5 papie said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:49:02 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

FWIW I could barely pump an ounce per boob at a session. LO was a champ on the boob, but I just couldn't pump enough to keep up with him.

I think breastfeeding at 3 or 4 is mostly for the parent. They either do it for the connection or because they don't want to deal with the repercussions of taking a source of comfort away from their child.

Not that I think it's "wrong" or "bad". I couldn't care less.

How is the bolded for the parent? You think it is that they don't actually believe in the letting the children learn to self-comfort on their own, but more the parents not wanting to deal with the annoyance of hearing them cry? I don't really get where you are going with that one...I do think that most children will self-comfort abd self-wean before age 3. But what if they are not ready?

There are different kinds of "repercussions", not just crying. It was a blanket statement and I feel you are taking it a little too personal.

Of course I believe a parent can believe in letting a child learn to self-comfort.

I am very much a person who tries to go with my child's pace. Some kids handle change easily and some don't. Mine doesn't. He weaned from breast milk slowly and I'm weaning him from formula slowly. Everything I have done with him has been slow.

I equate it to people who have issues taking away a pacifier. It's easier to give the kid a pacifier then it is to deal with the repercusions of taking it away. It's easier to pop out your boob when your kid is pulling up your shirt then it is to refuse them.

[papie]

Jun 21, 2012 13:12:14 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

Jun 21, 2012 12:51:42 GMT -5 papie said:

How is the bolded for the parent? You think it is that they don't actually believe in the letting the children learn to self-comfort on their own, but more the parents not wanting to deal with the annoyance of hearing them cry? I don't really get where you are going with that one...I do think that most children will self-comfort abd self-wean before age 3. But what if they are not ready?

There are different kinds of "repercussions", not just crying. It was a blanket statement and I feel you are taking it a little too personal.

Of course I believe a parent can believe in letting a child learn to self-comfort.

I am very much a person who tries to go with my child's pace. Some kids handle change easily and some don't. Mine doesn't. He weaned from breast milk slowly and I'm weaning him from formula slowly. Everything I have done with him has been slow.

I equate it to people who have issues taking away a pacifier. It's easier to give the kid a pacifier then it is to deal with the repercusions of taking it away. It's easier to pop out your boob when your kid is pulling up your shirt then it is to refuse them.

Well, yeah
but a pacifier is not good for the kid past a certain age (with the teeth and all), whereas there are no negative consequences from extended nursing

Signed,
a mom whose toddler still uses a paci and still nurses