Can I get some outside perspective/advice?

[JamaicanPineapple]

I'm new around here so here's some background:
My sister (R) is a HS drop out at 16, had my niece in July 2005 when she was 20. Past and present drug use/drinking. Niece's father is...in jail maybe? I don't even know his name. R has gone from job to job (is unemployed right now), living with friends sometimes but mostly with my parents. I suspect that she has undiagnosed bipolar and/or other psychological issues. History of stealing money from my parents. Was recenetly beat up by a boyfriend and now may have to have sinus surgery. But she wouldn't press charges and my Mom said that R brought her to their house!!! Yes, my parents are enabling her.

Ok, so my family just has a weird dynamic and my Mom never wants to "bother" me by telling me everything that goes on. Luckily my Aunt who lives in DE tells me things, lol, so I got a lot of new information when I was there over Memorial Day. Such as the cops coming to my parents house a few times b/c my sister hit my Mom. R is verbally and physically abusive to my Mom, and most of the time my niece is present. My Dad doesn't stick up for my Mom and continues to enable my sister like woha, including taking money out of my parents joint account to give to my sister without telling my Mom so some of their bills did not get paid. Seriously. R treats my niece like shit most of the time, just losing her patience and snapping at her, it's awful to watch. And it's especially hard on my niece when she has R plus my parents disciplining her. She's starting to act out and I can see anxiety starting to creep in. It's sad to say but I hate being around them, any of them, beacuse all it is is arguing/bickering/fighting. Most recently we took my Dad to lunch Saturday and we all ended up arguing. It's just sad and embarassing. I just want to take my niece away to my house and raise her, seriously. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

As I was leaving my parents on Monday my Mom broke down crying and words just poured out of her mouth. She is so done with my sister but doesn't know what to do beacuse of my niece. She told me that she wants to kick R out and if it wasn't for my niece, she would have done it years ago. I don't blame her one bit. R was sitting on their front porch smoking pot when we were there. I don't even want her around the girls anymore. I told my mom that she needs to file for an order of protection against my sister and get her out of the house. We're just not sure what will happen to my niece. I am 99% sure that they won't take her from my parents, but I told my Mom that I would go to the police station with her and seek advice on what to do. My Mom is scared, scared of my sister and scared of her low life friends that know where they live. She's scared of what will happen to my niece. As for my Dad, he never supports my Mom and it's shitty to watch. My Mom told me last night that she has thought about leaving him, but why should she have to leave her home? R has also caused a riff between my Mom and Grandma and they haven't spoken since Mother's Day beacuse R bitched at them the whole way home from my house.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. It's just weighing me down and I'm not sure what to do. I just want to write my sister out of my life until she changes, but with my niece involved, it's so hard to know what we can do. I don't know if my parents even have any rights as Grandparents...

I'm in NY State if it matters. I'm just sort of lost about what to do, I don't want anything to happen to my niece.

[Deleted]

Yikes. Others will have better advice than me, I don't know what to tell you. But I did just want to say I'm sorry. I feel really bad for your niece.

[hubes]

Call CPS.

[kellbell191]

I would contact a lawyer, they can go through legal aid if % is an issue, and probably file a complaint with CPS. They can put a parenting plan in place and can look at options for removal if your sister doesn't comply.

[runforrest]

Did your sister appoint a legal guardian for your niece if she is unable to care for her? I'm not sure what happens if you call CPS and they remove the child from the home, so I'm not sure if your parents would be able to keep her.

I think your mom should go to the cops or get a lawyer and file for a protective order, since she has been assaulted by your sister.

I am so sorry - and I'm sorry I don't have any advice.

Hugs.

[Deleted]

I agree, call CPS and go from there. I'm sorry, that sounds really awful.

[eightangryreindeer]

I don't really know what to tell you, it sounds like a mess.

I might try to privately speak with your father and tell him to get his shit together and admit that his daughter has a problem. Without a united front, your parents are fucked.

As for her, it can be really hard to shift custodial rights, even when the bio parent is truly a fuckup and it seems obvious that your parents, or an orangutan, would be better at the job.

Someone you know must know someone in Family Law that can get you all some advice.

If your sister is physically assaulting your mother, she really needs to call the police next time it happens.

This sucks, I'm sorry.

[Ruby Gloom]

I would talk to a lawyer and CPS (with your mom). The consultation is usually free and the lawyer can advise you on the best course of action to get both your neice and your mom out of that situation. I'm sorry, but I'd say screw your dad. Let him and your sister deal with each other. I would not be able to watch my mom and my neice continue to be abused and/or neglected. I'm so sorry for you and your family.