dh is in one of his "all about me" phases

[keeks]

And it's really getting on my nerves.

Today, he totally guilted me into keeping ds home with me when I really just wanted a day to myself afterr having ds and my mother with me all week.

I told dh that I at least want to go get a pedicure when he gets home.

He just called to tell me that he's going out for a few drinks with the guys after work.

I told him that I would drop ds off at the club on my way to the nail salon.

[cleo29]

THis would not fly with me.

[RobotLegs]

So, you told him you needed a break and he decided to go out for drinks? No. I'd tell him to get his ass home.

[sprky79]

Um, what?

[ECB]

Jun 22, 2012 12:26:33 GMT -5 keeks said:

Today, he totally guilted me into keeping ds home with me when I really just wanted a day to myself afterr having ds and my mother with me all week.

Where would your DS have gone? Daycare?

[lkoenig]

how long has this "phase" been going on?

[sprky79]

Jun 22, 2012 12:32:03 GMT -5 lkoenig said:

how long has this "phase" been going on?

I got a nickel that says the duration of their marriage.

[LLL]

how did he "guilt" you into it, when you had other plans?

[keeks]

Jun 22, 2012 12:33:14 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

He's going out for a few drinks at a club? How old are you guys?

The country club

[iamgrace]

Uh, no. My H respects me more than this, plus I think he's slightly afraid I might actually kill him someday.

[keeks]

Jun 22, 2012 12:29:36 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

what's the basis of the guilt?

Just sending ds to dc if I have a day off.

I think I've done it twice in three years.

[keeks]

Jun 22, 2012 12:32:03 GMT -5 lkoenig said:

how long has this "phase" been going on?

about two weeks.

[LLL]

yeah sending ds to daycare even though I have the day off is non-negotiable for me. sometimes you just need a *break* in your routine and some you time. There is no reason to feel guilty about it. The fact that you've only done it twice in three years? that blows.

[ECB]

Jun 22, 2012 12:38:21 GMT -5 keeks said:

Jun 22, 2012 12:29:36 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

what's the basis of the guilt?

Just sending ds to dc if I have a day off.

I think I've done it twice in three years.

Well, your DH sounds like an ass right now. He "guilts" you into not sending DS when you want some time to yourself, and then the one thing you plan - he screws you over by going out.

I'd be PISSED if I were you.

But in the same breath - I don't know why you feel guilt over sending DS to DC. I absolutely do that when I need a day to really get some stuff done, or if I need time to decompress. If you like your DC and yoru DS likes it there- then don't feel guilty. DS loves his friends at DC and I know that sometimes going is going to give him more to do and he'll have more fun than if he had been w/ me.

[greylady]

Guilted into keeping child home on your day off = does not compute. Why even let H have an opinion on the subject if you'd had the child home with you all week? My kid loves us and all but she lives for daycare and other kids.

[partiallysunny]

Why didn't he want to send DS to daycare?

[keeks]

Jun 22, 2012 12:40:02 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

Jun 22, 2012 12:36:42 GMT -5 keeks said:

The country club

lol, so... 55 then? ;P

No, H wouldn't do this, because I'd have argued him into the damn ground if he told me he was going out after work. "No, you're not. Please reschedule."

ha , yes he's just shy of the sr discount on a round of golf.

We will be arguing later...I just didn't have the energy to fight over the phone. He got the hint when I said I was dropping ds off.

[sprky79]

Arguing about what? That you caved to what he wanted both times? This isn't something to be arguing about. This is just a reminder to you that next time, its not even up for discussion, its just something you're doing.

[keeks]

Jun 22, 2012 12:34:34 GMT -5 @sprky79 said:

Jun 22, 2012 12:32:03 GMT -5 lkoenig said:

how long has this "phase" been going on?

I got a nickel that says the duration of their marriage.

Not at all. It really started when I left the job where we worked together about a year and a half ago. It hasn't been a constant thing. Just happens every once in a while

[greylady]

Jun 22, 2012 12:46:15 GMT -5 keeks said:

Jun 22, 2012 12:40:02 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

lol, so... 55 then? ;P

No, H wouldn't do this, because I'd have argued him into the damn ground if he told me he was going out after work. "No, you're not. Please reschedule."

ha , yes he's just shy of the sr discount on a round of golf.

We will be arguing later...I just didn't have the energy to fight over the phone. He got the hint when I said I was dropping ds off.

Well, thank goodness you hinted. Here's how your fight is going to go: he "forgot" you wanted to go out; now he will be defensive bc you were frosty on the phone.

Next time you say, all sweet and chipper, " I have an appointment, remember? I need you to come home."

Then, at least if you still fight its because he actively rejected your needs, instead of his truly honest "rotten memory."

[scotty]

I think that most people are like this at some point.

[melindafelinda]

Jun 22, 2012 12:37:29 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Uh, no. My H respects me more than this, plus I think he's slightly afraid I might actually kill him someday.

Mine too!

[imoan]

Jun 22, 2012 13:21:42 GMT -5 melindafelinda said:

Jun 22, 2012 12:37:29 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

Uh, no. My H respects me more than this, plus I think he's slightly afraid I might actually kill him someday.

Mine too!

Mine too. There is something to be said about a husband that has a little fear about your level of crazy.

[kellbell191]

My H has too much respect for his junk than to go against something I have specifically, under no uncertain terms, said I need to happen. I rarely say hey I need you to x,y,z so when I do, he complies. And he gets the same courtesy in return.

[Cayl]

Maybe he forgot? Did you say to him "Hey, you can't go for drinks tonight, remember I said I'm going out?". My H isn't always the best about remembering (oh hell, who I am kidding, he's not always the best at listening) things, but once I remind him of what we/I have going on he does what he needs to do.

Honestly if I had the day off and wanted it to myself I could see H saying "You're going to drop the girls off still? Don't you want to spend the day with them?" and I would say "Nope, I'd like to spend the day sleeping and watching crappy daytime television without having any interruptions" and that would be the end of it. It sounds like you want free time and don't demand accommodations so that you can have it and he wants free time and makes demands for it and you're a little jealous of him. You're both entitled to free time and YOU need to set the expectation that you get some just like he does. Ignore the guilt trips and when he makes plans when you had some tell him that night won't work and he has to come home. But I honestly don't blame him for needing some down time, we all do. He just needs to help you get some too.

[quorra]

Jun 22, 2012 12:36:42 GMT -5 keeks said:

Jun 22, 2012 12:33:14 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

He's going out for a few drinks at a club? How old are you guys?

The country club

Evee?