How would you have reacted to this?

[Deleted]

The school nurse called me yesterday to come get Mia - she was running a fever and throwing up. When I arrived she looked absolutely miserable, green and shivering. She threw up again, and I gathered her things and led her out to the car. We bumped into this kid in the hallway that pointed at her and joked "It's the Mia that got held back in kindergarten!!"

I wanted to grab him by the hair and tell him he's lucky they don't hold kids back for being butt ugly, but I just gave him a look that said shut the fuck up, and kept Mia moving along. If I wasn't afraid she was going to barf in the hall I probably would've said or done something.

[iamali]

:/

Kids are quite frank, even though it can be hurtful. He probably didn't even realize what he said was hurtful.

But, honestly, your reaction was a little OTT. It's a kid dude.

[CurlyQ284]

This is a good opportunity for "Now why would you say something like that?" With a stern voice/face.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 11:18:38 GMT -5 iamali said:

:/

Kids are quite frank, even though it can be hurtful. He probably didn't even realize what he said was hurtful.

But, honestly, your reaction was a little OTT. It's a kid dude.

And kids can be little shits. And turn into bullying assholes.

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 11:22:19 GMT -5 vino said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:18:38 GMT -5 iamali said:

:/

Kids are quite frank, even though it can be hurtful. He probably didn't even realize what he said was hurtful.

But, honestly, your reaction was a little OTT. It's a kid dude.

And kids can be little shits. And turn into bullying assholes.

I think saying that any time a child says something not nice is going to turn into a bully is a GIANT stretch.

Would I have been annoyed? Yes.

But I wouldn't have wanted to pull him by the hair and basically tell him he's ugly.

[spitforspat]

How was her reaction OTT? She didn't do anything!

[Deleted]

What I did and what I wanted to do were 2 very different things. I would never call a kid ugly, ever. But I'm dreading Mia being teased about this, and her diabetes, etc. I have zero tolerance toward little shits.

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 11:41:20 GMT -5 spitforspat said:

How was her reaction OTT? She didn't do anything!

Wanting to pull a child by the hair and tell him he should have been held back for being ugly isn't OTT? A CHILD.

I *GET* being annoyed and this is the perfect time for a "that isn't very nice, you're hurting peoples feelings".

[Deleted]

I would have ignored it. You make a big deal out of it and your kid will think its a big deal she stayed back. Kids suck. they say stupid stuff. I am not saying I wouldn't be bothered by it but I guarantee in her school years a helluva lot worse will be said.

have thicker skin so she can too.

And I agree. Being unkind does NOT = being a bully. That bully word gets thrown around way to f'in much for my tastes

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 11:43:15 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:22:19 GMT -5 vino said:

And kids can be little shits. And turn into bullying assholes.

I'm thinking a kid who says this to another kid, in the hall, in front of an adult, is pretty much a shit. 

Really, is everything the kid said not the truth (and it may  not be as I don't know the op very well)?

If he said something along the lines of "ohhh you're the stupid head Mia that got held back" it may be different.

Kids are nothing if not blunt.

[Marle]

Sept 25, 2013 11:42:23 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

I MIGHT have stood there talking with him till Mia accidently threw up on his shoes. What a fuckhead.

And I get the rage, entirely.

I was just going to say this. Emotional response. Not mature. But so satisfying.

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 11:47:13 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:44:24 GMT -5 iamali said:

Wanting to pull a child by the hair and tell him he should have been held back for being ugly isn't OTT? A CHILD.

I *GET* being annoyed and this is the perfect time for a "that isn't very nice, you're hurting peoples feelings".

I wish people would stop acting like children are these innocent little fairy creatures that aren't ever little shitbags.  Seriously.  She didn't say she wanted to backhand him across the room.  I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have pulled the kid's hair and called him ugly.  There have been times when I have wanted to tell a screaming child in Target to shut the fuck up and also Santa isn't real you little turd but that doesn't mean I do it.

Fucking hell, man.  

I am actually probably the last person on earth who acts like children are precious and never do anything wrong. My kids are assholes freqently, we're working on it.

I actually DO have a son who gets teased and picked on all the time and even through all if it, I've never wanted to grab a kid by the hair.

Obviously I'm in the minority, so whatever.

[vanillacourage]

The kid is a little jerk but I feel like saying anything to him in the moment would only have embarrassed your daughter more, in a moment where she just needed her mom to get her home ASAP.

[my4girls]

I probably would have brushed it off like it was nothing- you're right, she was, was there something else? I feel like this is one of those things that if you give them a big reaction they'll latch onto it and make a big deal out of it but if you play it off like it's not a big deal (which imo it isn't) then they'll let it go. FWIW- I don't think being held back in Kindy is a big deal at all, later grades maybe, but I feel like I know of quite a few kids held back that young for whatever reason

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 11:52:15 GMT -5 my4girls said:

I probably would have brushed it off like it was nothing- you're right, she was, was there something else? I feel like this is one of those things that if you give them a big reaction they'll latch onto it and make a big deal out of it but if you play it off like it's not a big deal (which imo it isn't) then they'll let it go. FWIW- I don't think being held back in Kindy is a big deal at all, later grades maybe, but I feel like I know of quite a few kids held back that young for whatever reason

I held her back because she is an August baby and right on the cusp of the cut-off. She is much more ready for it this year than last. Socially and academically she fits with this group a lot more.

[vanillacourage]

Sept 25, 2013 11:55:04 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I don't know. I see both sides of this, and it's hard to know how the kid really meant it. Kids can absolutely be fucking assholes, and they're extraordinarily good at it. But kids also lack a filter and have a simplified way of viewing the world. "Mia who got held back" is maybe just the qualifier he uses to recognize someone and doesn't mean anything insulting by it;

There could also be more than one Mia, and in his mind this is how he keeps it straight.

[my4girls]

Sept 25, 2013 11:57:10 GMT -5 vino said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:52:15 GMT -5 my4girls said:

I probably would have brushed it off like it was nothing- you're right, she was, was there something else? I feel like this is one of those things that if you give them a big reaction they'll latch onto it and make a big deal out of it but if you play it off like it's not a big deal (which imo it isn't) then they'll let it go. FWIW- I don't think being held back in Kindy is a big deal at all, later grades maybe, but I feel like I know of quite a few kids held back that young for whatever reason

I held her back because she is an August baby and right on the cusp of the cut-off. She is much more ready for it this year than last. Socially and academically she fits with this group a lot more.

all the more reason I would just play it off like it's nothing- I honestly don't think it is. I get being upset by the kid and I probably would have been too- don't fuck with my kids, but I would teach dd that so what, who cares and instill that attitude in her about it so if someone ever says something to her about it she knows it's not a big deal and to tell the kid that. Bullies aren't going to latch onto it if they don't get a reaction

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 11:58:38 GMT -5 nuggetbrain said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:49:54 GMT -5 iamali said:

I am actually probably the last person on earth who acts like children are precious and never do anything wrong. My kids are assholes freqently, we're working on it.

I actually DO have a son who gets teased and picked on all the time and even through all if it, I've never wanted to grab a kid by the hair.

Obviously I'm in the minority, so whatever.

Well I frequently do.  However, I never actually have.  If you can't see the difference there and are going to continue to act all fucking pearl clutchy over what somebody fantasied about doing when they felt their child was being insulted or picked on then you just KOKO.  

Oh FFS, I wasn't all pearl clutchy, so you just KOKO with blowing this out of proportion.

[agnes]

Kids can be total shits.

I was that shit once. My Cousin RyRy (2 years younger than me) was held back in 1st grade. I always teased him about it even though we were really close and the best of friends. He graduated high school 2 years early.

[meggers5]

When I was in grade 5 I was painting something in the hallway with this guy from my glass. A girl in our class ws being picked up by her mom and they were walking past us in the hall. The guy calls her 4 eyes.

This girl's mom whips around and we both got a blast about how wearing glasses is a disability and how would we like to be talked about for something we couldn't control.
Dude I didn't even say anything.

This story does not add much to this discussion.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 11:44:24 GMT -5 iamali said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:41:20 GMT -5 spitforspat said:

How was her reaction OTT? She didn't do anything!

Wanting to pull a child by the hair and tell him he should have been held back for being ugly isn't OTT? A CHILD.

I *GET* being annoyed and this is the perfect time for a "that isn't very nice, you're hurting peoples feelings".

I usually don't pull this card, but um, do you have kids?

[textbookcase]

Some girls at soccer were making fun of Cambria the other day and I totally wanted to grab them by their hair. I'll own it! Tween girls are effing horrible.

[Deleted]

i guess i shouldn't tell ali what i wanted to do to the barely 3 year old who hit my kid in the head right in front of me. just sashayed up and slammed the pointy little feet of a plastic dinosaur into my baby's sweet little cranium. which was drop kick that little jerkface into next week.

that CHILD, a PRESCHOOLER no less, would've dropped dead on the spot if looks could kill.

the fact that i managed to act like a mature adult and merely move on (you know, like vino did), is apparently wholly irrelevant. i SHOULD have thought "oh, that CHILD! he's testing boundaries and learning cause and effect in a developmentally appropriate way!"  because lack of control over one's instinctual emotional mental dialogue is a sign of CHILD HATING BADNESS.

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 12:44:13 GMT -5 @mjmksb04 said:

Sept 25, 2013 11:44:24 GMT -5 iamali said:

Wanting to pull a child by the hair and tell him he should have been held back for being ugly isn't OTT? A CHILD.

I *GET* being annoyed and this is the perfect time for a "that isn't very nice, you're hurting peoples feelings".

I usually don't pull this card, but um, do you have kids?

Um, yes I do. Two of them.

[sineadorebellion]

Sept 25, 2013 11:21:10 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

This is a good opportunity for "Now why would you say something like that?" With a stern voice/face.

This is the approach I take. I find it is more effective with adults, though. And it works best if you use a slightly louder voice than normal, you know, so others can hear.

[LLL]

Sometimes kids just say dumb shit and mean no harm. I probably wouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry she's feeling ill

[Deleted]

I am going to be terrible at this.

TERRIBLE.

[margotmacomber]

For some reason the fact that OTT is a thing like OTOH and TBH is making me ragey.  It's like, enough already people!

My reaction to this is definitely OTT.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 12:55:20 GMT -5 iamali said:

Sept 25, 2013 12:44:13 GMT -5 @mjmksb04 said:

I usually don't pull this card, but um, do you have kids?

Um, yes I do. Two of them.

Then color me impressed that even on your worst day of parenting, that you never had a thought that you did not act on, about doing something or saying something irrational to your kids or someone else's kid. Bravo.

[iamali]

Sept 25, 2013 12:59:08 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Sept 25, 2013 12:55:20 GMT -5 iamali said:

Um, yes I do. Two of them.

 Have you ever gotten all mama bear protective feeling?

Of course I have, I feel it frequently and I've been extremely open about the issues my son has with this board.

However, I've never wanted to smack someone's kid, or pull their hair, kick them, etc.

Oviously, my opinion is in the minority. I can't say that I really care.