Why do people deliver bad news via text?

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 23:39:56 GMT -5 bania said:

Delivering bad news via text is what's least worrisome in this scenario. How did they know about your debt in the first place? Why would anyone expect someone to declare bankruptcy over $7,000? I can't believe he did this. This is insane.

They knew about my debt because he told them, and they did not want him to marry anyone who would bring debt into the relationship. I told him absolutely not, and then the prenup was mentioned.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

They wanted you to file bankruptcy over a measly $7K? Sounds like his parents have some major money issues and he has some major parent issues. That's not "bad news." HE is "bad news" if this his standard (or even not-so-standard) modus operandi. That is definitely What.The.Fuck??? worthy.

They bought a house...without you. Without your signature, without your say, without your name on the paperwork...without you period. With his parents.  Without you.  That is absolute shit. Now, my DH did that to me (minus the parents part because he's a big boy and wears grown-up tightie-whities) - but he had my permission and I knew every step of the way what was going on because I was half a country away. Not sharing the same freaking bed at night.

If he's leaving, it sounds like it's no great loss. Even if he's staying, it sounds like no great loss.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Sept 25, 2013 23:48:57 GMT -5 pagas said:

That is craziness and not acceptable info to be delivered via text.

Or even in person.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 23:45:33 GMT -5 annyong said:

Wait, what? We need more details / information. You were approved for the other house? So he bought two houses? Or you thought you were approved / never signed anything for the one house?

What exactly did his text say? This is crazy.

We were approved to rent a house. He never had any intention of moving to that house, but he had to get me to look at something so that moving would make sense.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Is it your birthday? Early Christmas present? Because that is some seriously fucked up shit game-playing and manipulation right there.

[thedutchgirl]

WTF

Is he this sneaky and controlling about other things?

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 23:51:10 GMT -5 pagas said:

Sept 25, 2013 23:50:16 GMT -5 @vaba said:

We were approved to rent a house. He never had any intention of moving to that house, but he had to get me to look at something so that moving would make sense.

How long have you been married?  Why is your husband trying to trick you into moving?  Does he not see this as a huge fucking deal?

I hate living in Chicago. We wanted to move, but we are not ready to buy. He and now his parents think that renting is a waste of money and that home ownership is the way to go.

[melindafelinda]

Go see a lawyer. Soon. Find out how this purchase will be affected by your prenup. Depending on what your prenup says you may still own 1/4 of the house.

[cookietime]

Does he think this is good news? Like "Surprise, my parents bought us a house!" Or did his text present it as bad news because he knows how shitty this is?

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

So, how far is this place from his parents? I'm seeing some serious issues here. (And not all on his parents' part either. He's got some major issues going on if he's this secretive and manipulative and keeps you in the dark about these major, major things.)

[speckledfrog]

Are you happy in your relationship?

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Illinois is not a community property state; it's an equitable distribution state. Seriously, see a lawyer about how this purchase would affect you and your rights. Prenup, gift from parents, equitable distribution because he bought it with his funds and/or parental gift...

See a lawyer. And bring your prenup.

ETA:  And speckledfrog asks a good (and very serious) question that you should be asking yourself...and him.

[annyong]

Sept 25, 2013 23:50:16 GMT -5 @vaba said:

Sept 25, 2013 23:45:33 GMT -5 annyong said:

Wait, what? We need more details / information. You were approved for the other house? So he bought two houses? Or you thought you were approved / never signed anything for the one house?

What exactly did his text say? This is crazy.

We were approved to rent a house. He never had any intention of moving to that house, but he had to get me to look at something so that moving would make sense.

How did you find out about him buying the house? What did his text(s) say? I'm trying to figure out if he thought his was a "good" surprise. (Not that that makes it ok, obv.)

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 23:56:38 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Are you happy in your relationship?

Aside from right this moment, yes.

[sugarbear]

How did he present this to you? Like, "Gotcha! I have a big surprise that you're gonna love! I'm so excited to share it with you!"

Or, "Sooo.... About that house we rented? Yeah, my parents and I ought a house.myou don't own it, but I guess you can live there."

.?

[gretchenindisguise]

Shit dude. I don't trust my H to buy me a pair of shoes. My mind is blown that he would make such a big decision/purchase without you.

I'm sure he and his parents are spinning it as "surprise!!! Look how awesome this is!!!"

But it's not. It's so incredibly disrespectful.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2013 23:54:48 GMT -5 cookietime said:

Does he think this is good news? Like "Surprise, my parents bought us a house!" Or did his text present it as bad news because he knows how shitty this is?

His first text said that he had some bad news about the house. I was panicking at working thinking that it fell through and on the verge of tears thinking about where we would go. Then he went on to tell me that it would be okay because there was this other house and his parents were willing to help and blah blah blah. He made it sound like it was just an idea until I shot it down and then he told me that he's already closed on it and we were never moving into the rental.

[speckledfrog]

You have some serious problems to deal with here.

[isabel]

Sept 25, 2013 23:39:56 GMT -5 bania said:

Delivering bad news via text is what's least worrisome in this scenario.

I'm here. You've got bigger issues than how your H chose to deliver this news, OP.

[sugarbear]

Not cool, dude. Not cool.

[annyong]

Jesus. I'm sorry. There are no words. Even if his intentions are good, it's so disrespectful and completely inappropriate, especially given your financial situation/history together. Super, super shitty.

[speckledfrog]

In case there is any doubt, this is not normal. This is not how a normal relationship functions. This is seriously underhanded and incredibly disrespectful. I bet if you look honestly at your relationship you will find many instances of YH not valuing you. These are not the actions of someone who considers their SO an equal partner.

[Deleted]

He's never given me any indication that he would leave me, but I am certainly screwed if he does.

[Deleted]

Sept 26, 2013 0:15:51 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

Sept 25, 2013 23:58:22 GMT -5 @vaba said:

Aside from right this moment, yes.

Really? I thought you were hot for some other dude recently. 

pandce.proboards.com/thread/227909/flameful

That doesn't mean I'm unhappy. We texted that one night and haven't had any contact since.

[Deleted]

Go see a lawyer ASAP and take a copy of your prenup with. This is not a good scenario in many respects.

[pantsparty]

This is so fucking weird. Especially the title of the post.

[Deleted]

Um, the fact that he texted this info to you is the least of your problems.


Also, I regret to inform you that your husband has no testicles. If you would like to recover them, I would check his mother's house. So sorry!

[TC]

You would not even believe my face right now. At first I was like "Poor, stupid man.. he thinks this is going to be so sweet..." and now I am just totally in shock at that level of manipulation and especially at that level of manipulation perpetrated by three people. They are like a conniving club of assholes. I think your H might have married his parents and just had you at the ceremony for shits and giggles, seriously.


Also, is this for real? This might be in the top ten most bizarre things I've seen on TN/GBCN.

[joshlyman]

Wow.
Has he been controlling of other aspects of your relationship? Does he ever value your opinion? I mean, even on seemingly insignificant stuff?

Because this sounds like a man (outside of the issues with his parents) that does not see you as a person, but as someone that will just do as he says.

Fuck, I never ever do this, but I would see a lawyer, get your finances in order (copies of everything) and leave. He purposely deceived you, made a huge decision without your input ON PURPOSE, and if he is willing to manipulate you about this - what else is he or has he manipulated you about?

You deserve better.

[flex]

You say you weren't unhappy but yet you texted your co-worker for over two hours. Dun dun dunnnnn.