Sometimes I have healthy people envy

[anna7602]

I'm not even experiencing a flare-up right now. But I had my yearly physical yesterday and the whole experience of going through the meds I've taken in the past, am on now, my diet, my exercise routine, etc. is just so depressing. I could just think yay, I'm proactive about my health and I try to lead a healthy lifestyle. But it's tiring to think about it and talk about it and fear that if I do one thing "wrong," I'll feel physically awful or damage my system or fail my family because I'm too sick to work or do anything at all. 

Part of it, of course, is the illusion of control. If I can blame myself for doing anything "wrong," then that means I can 100% control a flare-up rearing its ugly head. Naturally, I can't, but I guess pretending helps me cope.  

[bcv513]

I said this exact same thing to my mom the other day. I am so jealous of the people who can just decided to have a baby and throw the birth control pill away.

I'm currently not healthy enough to TTC. Even when I am deemed healthy enough, I have to decide if it's worth it to keep taking a category D med or risk a flare.

[caramia]

Sept 27, 2013 8:45:29 GMT -5 bcv513 said:

I said this exact same thing to my mom the other day. I am so jealous of the people who can just decided to have a baby and throw the birth control pill away.

I'm currently not healthy enough to TTC. Even when I am deemed healthy enough, I have to decide if it's worth it to keep taking a category D med or risk a flare.

I'm in the same situation - even if I was healthy enough to TTC, I'm worried about having the energy/stamina to actually raise a kid.  I'm worried about passing my terrible genes on.  If we decided to adopt, I really don't know how we'd afford it with my medical expenses.  I know fostering to adopt is an option, but I doubt I could handle the possibility of having the baby taken away. 

In addition to all that, I just want to have a life.  I want to go out on Saturday night & drink & have a good time... and not spend Sunday - Wednesday in pain.  I want to hike & camp with my family, take my dogs for walks, go to college football games.  I know, I know, there are a lot of things I can do, or ways to accommodate my needs to do the things I want, but it's never going to be easy, or convenient.  Or even enjoyable after all that.  

...and that's why I'm starting therapy soon.  But I get you guys