Honestly, as the mother of a boy, I kind of find this insulting.
Oh, STFU.
OP, to tell the truth, I had really hoped that I would have a girl and when I was told it was a boy I was disappointed.
BUT, now that he's here, I couldn't be happier having a boy. He is so sweet and so much fun. You're sure to have your own special bond with your child, boy or girl.
Post by shouldbworkin on Jun 22, 2012 21:01:13 GMT -5
This happened with DS1 too. We were team green, dilated kidney and I was pretty sure I was having a boy, but I wouldn't let myself believe it until he was born (and he was a boy).
I don't know if this is 100% gender disappointment. I think it's a bit of fear of the unknown. I always wanted a DD, but had a DS first. I grew to think of myself as a "boy mom" after I had DS and was shocked when DD was born. I thought for sure I was having another boy. My PGs were so similar. And, even though I am a woman, grew up only with sisters and always wanted a girl, they handed her to me and I thought "what do I do with her?" FF to my 3rd PG. I'm convinced I'm PG with another girl and have another boy. It took me a couple days to get used to the idea. I love him the same as I love my older kids, but it took a few days.
I freely admit that I found out the gender of #1 because I knew I would be disappointed if it was a boy, and I wanted time to adjust to the ideaz. I agree with others that it is good you are recognizing your feelings and doing something about them. Please don't feel guilty. You can't help how you feel and as long as you work through those feelings, nothing flammable about it.
I think that little boys are great - I wish I had mine! Please enjoy every second with your little guy.
Post by vanillacourage on Jun 23, 2012 7:53:02 GMT -5
I think it's weird you came out of this appointment when the u/s turned up a health risk focusing obsessively on gender. I'm not trying to scare you and I'm sure the doctor is right and it will be nothing, but yeah - priorities?
Trust me, little boys are so much fun. A year from now you'll be so happy with how it all turned out, and so in love with your little man that you won't believe you wrote this post. And of course, you don't know yet that you are definitively having a boy anyway.
Post by theintended on Jun 23, 2012 8:27:28 GMT -5
Sex aside, it sounds like some of the worry you have is forming a relationship with this child that's different than the one you have with your daughter. Even if it is a girl, there's a chance she won't care at all about the girly things the two of you have bonded over and your relationship will be different. The baby's sex is a guarantee of very little, so you'll likely be happier all the way around if you put aside assumptions and let your kid tell you who they are.
Post by nonsenseabound on Jun 23, 2012 10:46:30 GMT -5
I don't understand why ppl find this post to be insulting. It is about the original poster's feelings and concerns. She is not saying that boys are bad but that in her heart she realizes she had a preference for a girl. I fail to see how that is wrong. She is not talking about terminating or abandoning this child. She is just turning to others to see if they went through something similar and how they worked it out.
My statement to the other posters, this isn't about you.
I know it's not about me, but to hear someone say that a certain gender = the death of a child can be insulting to people, esp those who may have lost children.
Clearly these feelings aren't atypical given the responses, but I must admit that I find it distressing that when we engage in imagining what our children will be like and how they will relate to us (an exercise in futility and likely disappointment anyhow), we focus *so* heavily on gender stereotypes in doing so. There is much more variation between individuals than between men and women. I'd spend a lot more time hoping for or worrying about certain genetic combinations and traits, which are far more determinate. --signed a person with five brothers who inhabit a sprawling spectrum of feelings, behaviors, preferences, styles, personalities, and relationships (with parents and others), and as a woman myself who is *all* over the map as well if you judge by gender stereotypes.
I don't understand why ppl find this post to be insulting. It is about the original poster's feelings and concerns. She is not saying that boys are bad but that in her heart she realizes she had a preference for a girl. I fail to see how that is wrong. She is not talking about terminating or abandoning this child. She is just turning to others to see if they went through something similar and how they worked it out.
My statement to the other posters, this isn't about you.
Very well stated. OP, I am really impressed with how well you have acknowedged and expressed your feelings. That isn't easy to do and puts you in a vulnerable place, but you "manned up" and were honest with yourself and looking to move forward. That's called being an adult.
Post by nickyd2006 on Jun 23, 2012 20:40:41 GMT -5
Since you don't even really know what gender this baby is, I wouldn't sweat it. When you do have your baby, and believe me I know, you will be all wrapped up in how special your baby is-boy or girl. If it's a boy, your little girl can continue being the little princess of the house, and you will most definitely love having a little boy baby. You'll get to experience buying the little boy outfits and match him up with daddy. If it's a girl then great, no need for new clothes or such. All I know is that my MIL's world revolved around her two boys, but her girl not so much. I think she's jealous of me getting to live with her son...it's kind of weird hearing 'oh, he's such a good man, he does everything, and he's so funny I bet he makes you laugh all day long'. Um...when in reality he's JUST LIKE HIS FATHER that she complains about all the time!
I know it's not about me, but to hear someone say that a certain gender = the death of a child can be insulting to people, esp those who may have lost children.
Being disappointed in the sex isn't flammable. I think it's a very natural feeling many people experience to some degree or another.
As the mother of a boy, I find it laughable that anyone is "insulted" by her wishing she was having a girl. I'm not. Her wanting a girl has nothing to do w/ the fact I have a boy.
But- to what DrLoretta said - I agree. That was the one part of the post that made me go "WTF?" and that is the one part that makes me want to flame.
But the OP recognizes this is an issue and is taking steps to deal with it - which I think is great.
And to add to what others said.... boys are awesome. I adore my DS w/ every fiber and I can't imagine what it would have been like if he had been a girl instead!
I have 3 boys and am not insulted at all that she is upset it might be a boy.
I am baffled that anyone who decides to be team green gets THAT upset when they hear it's not what they "wanted"... b/c shit, it's a 50/50 chance, and everyone knows that. I can't imagine waiting to find out only to be disappointed on the day the child is BORN --- so i'd say it's good you may have found out now... and I would actually ask to have the gender checked at your next US so you can confirm this and deal with it before the child is born.
but i'm also on the side of thinking that your priorities are way out of wack --- the baby may have health problems... I'd think that would make you say "you know what- i DON'T care what sex the baby is- only that he or she is healthy".... I think seeing a therapist is a great idea.
Dude. You don't even know the gender and you are this upset? You aren't a candidate for team green. You need to definitively find out the gender so that you can process your feelings in a healthy way.
I was scared spitless when I found out #2 was a boy. What the heck did I know about boys??? I was raised in an all female household! And yeah, I was a little disappointed too because I had been dreaming of a sister for DD (and I was totally projecting because as an only, I always wanted a sister)
Turns out they aren't really different. At least not yet (he's 2.5yo, big sister is 5). So far he pretty much likes what sister likes... so it's still glitter and princess movies at my house... except now he roots for the bad guys and sometimes dinosaurs picnic with barbies while everyone wears tutus.)
I was told that I was having a girl. At the end of my pregnancy I was being monitored for low amniotic fluid. Jokingly, my husband says, "she's still a she, right??" The ultra sound tech moved her wand around and replied, "who said it was a SHE?! This is a HE!" I was due in three weeks.
In my head I had envisioned this little baby girl, what our life would be like, and had my pink nursery all set up. When we were told to be expecting a boy, I was upset. I had to say goodbye to my vision and it took some time to rework a new vision and become excited. We also redid the nursery, although I didn't even want to talk about a new theme for awhile. My poor husband, I was on an emotional roller coaster, crumbling vision and hormones and all. I can understand how hard it is to say goodbye to a vision that you had. But I am SO thankful that I didn't have to deal with that in the delivery room.
But now my little boy just turned a year old and I couldn't even imagine having a girl. I've loved every moment of being his mother and having a little boy. Now I even wonder if I'd even want a girl for our second!
I guess I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel about the gender. Give it some time, it's a hard transition. Maybe find out definitely at your next ultrasound so you know what you'll expecting for sure, or as sure as they can be! In the meantime, I wish you luck with the kidney issue.